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So confused..
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Basically I've been texting this girl for a while who I'd never met (something happened where we randomly got each others numbers through friends of friends.. not really important) and the text messages were a laugh and funny. The texts were pretty flirty and went into filthy a couple of times and I thought she was just after some fun.
Anyway, I went down town tonight and got a bit drunk and sent her a text asking if she'd like to meet up as I was interested to see what she looked like and if we'd get on. So I meet up with her on the corner of my street and we went back to hers.. as we were inside we spoke about trivial stuff ie "so your the girl I've been texting then? what did you get up to tonight? etc. etc." and after about 20 minutes of conversation she started telling me how her dad was a "serious pervert" and stuff he did when she sat on his lap etc.
Obviously, I was freaked out a little by this (and still am) so I made up a lie which gave me an excuse to leave.
Thing is, I feel so bad for leaving her there when she was probably trying to tell me something really important and the guilt is eating away. But I was seriously freaked by what had happened and found it too difficult to deal with (especially after a joint, which I believe has made it a lot worse), I just had to get away.
I just want to know what to do next? I feel far too embarassed to get in touch with her as I feel she knew deep down I was lying and trying to get away but I don't want to seem like a dick and make her think I pushed her away for any other reason which wasn't her fault, it just really scared me.
I know this topic has probably made me sound like a seriously inconsiderate twat, but please believe me when I say I REALLY didn't know how to deal with it in the state I was in, especially for the first time I was meeting someone. I feel so guilty that I can't sleep but I don't know what I could do to sort things out.
Anyway, I went down town tonight and got a bit drunk and sent her a text asking if she'd like to meet up as I was interested to see what she looked like and if we'd get on. So I meet up with her on the corner of my street and we went back to hers.. as we were inside we spoke about trivial stuff ie "so your the girl I've been texting then? what did you get up to tonight? etc. etc." and after about 20 minutes of conversation she started telling me how her dad was a "serious pervert" and stuff he did when she sat on his lap etc.
Obviously, I was freaked out a little by this (and still am) so I made up a lie which gave me an excuse to leave.
Thing is, I feel so bad for leaving her there when she was probably trying to tell me something really important and the guilt is eating away. But I was seriously freaked by what had happened and found it too difficult to deal with (especially after a joint, which I believe has made it a lot worse), I just had to get away.
I just want to know what to do next? I feel far too embarassed to get in touch with her as I feel she knew deep down I was lying and trying to get away but I don't want to seem like a dick and make her think I pushed her away for any other reason which wasn't her fault, it just really scared me.
I know this topic has probably made me sound like a seriously inconsiderate twat, but please believe me when I say I REALLY didn't know how to deal with it in the state I was in, especially for the first time I was meeting someone. I feel so guilty that I can't sleep but I don't know what I could do to sort things out.
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Comments
Obviously you are just an almost anonymous acquaintance and that might have been what gave her the courage to talk to you, just like sites like this give people the courage everyday to admit things they wouldn't to people they knew.
Find the friend that put her in touch with you, confide if you must, but get her help. You may have been her only effort to grab a lifeline.
That said, you can offer your support, and help her find appropriate channels - I'm sure thesite has lots of helpful pointers.
Finally, you didn't say how pissed you were - is it possile she's into the whole Daddy's girl thing and was trying to get you into some role-play?
I haven't bought up the whole dad thing nor have I said about meeting up again, although by the little things she's saying I think she wants to see me. She seems like a nice girl otherwise and I'd like to see her again, but I don't think I'll say anything about what was said unless she brings it up again or at least until I'm a little more comfortable around her, think that sounds reasonable?
I'd say I was noticeably drunk last night, a little bit slurry & unbalanced but nothing major. It was the weed that I'm putting most of the blame on though.. meeting someone for the first time in those circumstances is always going to have a tense atmosphere, I thought the joint would make me relax a bit! If I do see her next time it will definitely be sober.
Hey, it sounds like a tough situation and I can totally see why you'd want to avoid bringing it up. However, if she isn't aware that there are ways to get help then it could make a big difference for her if you gave her a couple of contacts. If you really want to avoid a conversation, maybe you could write her a letter saying you were worried about what she mentioned the first time you met and you've found some contacts that might find helpful.
You could maybe print out TheSite's article on child abuse. And include in the letter:
the email for Samaritans - jo@samaritans.org and Tel: 08457 909090
She could also call the Rape and Sexual Abuse counselling service on: Tel: 020 8683 3300
If you do meet up again, you could just give her the letter when it's time to go.
Anyway, you might decide that it really wouldn't be appropriate to give her such a letter - but it's just an option that might really help.
Take care
I've saved those numbers/email addys on my mobile just in case she feels the need to contact someone, which I will suggest.
Cheers peeps!
I rarely have a guilty conscience either although for some reason this whole thing has been eating away at me ever since.
Well yeah your bound to feel guilty if you didn't handle it right. It's still weird like, but anyone would know it's quite a heavy thing to talk about.
I dunno, i would just be worried that she has other issues. That like right from the start your gonna be used as someone she can pour all her problems out to and depend on, and that if for some reason you never talked to her again she would like go all funny and go mad or something.
It would just freak me out way too much.
Sounds like it could be a cry for help.