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very low self esteam/clothes don't work/i feel and look v bad

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
silly title sorry...

i'm having a difficult time right now, i'm trying to lose weight, which i have but i still feel and look fat. i've got a bad case of exzema on my eyes so i can't wear eye make up. i look in the mirror and i want to cry! maybe this shouldn't be in this bit but i wasn't sure...

the majority of my clothes are hand-me-downs and charity shop ones so, not in the best condition, and often not a good fit. but i don't have much money to buy things...but in almost all the photos i see of me i look really bad!

i can never find a foundation that suits me thats not very expensive, and a pair of jeans is a nightmare...

maybe there is a trainee stylist thats on the boards that just waiting to help me! i don't really know what anyone can do to help me...but if you do, then it would be great!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you're skint but what it sounds like you need is a good 'capsule' wardrobe and some well fitting underwear, which always makes you look and feel a mazillion times better. I think most people find buying jeans traumatic, I do anyway. If you go for a foundation that is a moisturising one, it will be less covering but likely blend to your own skin tone easier. If you go shopping look for the classic items you need over the latest fashions- tee shirt bra, lift up bra, 3 pairs matching knickers for each bra, smart black trousers, short (denim?) skirt, long skirt/ trousers, going out dress, 2/3 tee shirt tops, fitted shirt, cardigan, jumper, dreaded jeans, jacket, proper coat, flat black shoes, going out shoes/boots, trainers. That sounds like a lot but if you keep it in mind and find one item every week that goes with all the others in combo from sales and cheaper shops you can build up a wardrobe to keep you in for all circs. As you get each item, think will it go with all the others, go with what you like as well as what is flatering to your body type. There are general 'rules' like horizontal stripes widen and what length tops, bottoms and hemlines etc flatter different body shapes. I don't know them though.

    I get that having crappy clothes can make you feel crappy, but obviously not just having great clothes makes a person happy, you need to be able to feel good about yourself too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You call that a capsule wardrobe?

    I agree with good well fitting bras. Make a huge difference. Dunno about matching knickers though, as long as they fit well and dont give you wedgies and/or 4 bumcheek look.

    If youre not keen on jeans, quality black trousers, especially wideleg ones are usually fairly flattering, and although may be a bit unimaginative - who wants to be imaginative with their trousers? Better to have a couple of pairs that go with everything. They dont even have to be expensive. I had a pair from primark that lasted me years. in fact ive still got them, im just grown out of them at the moment. They were about £5, just plain cotton brown widelegs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, try not to feel too down on yourself, everyone has times when they feel bad about the way they look! I know how it feels to not have nice clothes, but a way of making yourself feel better is to treat your skin really well and use lots of lovely moisturiser and bath products until you get a bit of money to buy a few new items of clothing.

    As for finding a foundation, well perhaps you could visit the body shop, I know they aren't the cheapest but they are certainly not the priciest and their products are usually very good. Also, perhaps a tinted moisturiser would suit your skin better, as they are not so heavy as foundation and just give a very natural coverage and you could use a bit of powder over the top to matify it.

    I found this website which has a few tips about makeup for skin with eczema, maybe this will give you a few extra tips: carefair.com
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think if youve got eczema on your face, then any foundation is just gonna highlight it tbh.
    Does a low dose steroid cream not help?
    I know doctors dont advise it, but my ex had eczema on his eyes and put really low dose hydrocortisone on it and it cleared it up when nothing else would, although best not to use it as a long term thing if you dont want your skin to melt away.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You call that a capsule wardrobe?

    I agree with good well fitting bras. Make a huge difference. Dunno about matching knickers though, as long as they fit well and dont give you wedgies and/or 4 bumcheek look.

    I agree that you don't have to wear matching knickers and bra's every day - but if you have just one pair that matches for some random reason it makes you feel much better about yourself. Plus if you cant' afford a whole new outfit even buying a new pair of knickers can give you a bit of a boost!

    However twisted_trinity - I want to reassure you that you are lovely and beautiful - even if you don't feel it at the moment.

    There are quite a lot of beauty school places in London which are looking for willing victims to practice on - maybe you could consider going to one of those?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Chin up trinity. As katralla said, sort yourself out some basics. Thats always a good place to start. Dotty P's do some pretty good basics, even M&S do some pretty nice stuff for not very much. If you're feeling a bit down on yourself as far as hair/beauty goes, do what wyetry said and get yourself out there as a model- salons are always looking for people to practice on and it'll either be free or at a much reduced rate. You can get all kinds of stuff done, just pop into some local salons and ask if they've got a model/training night coming up. Chin up my lovely xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think if youve got eczema on your face, then any foundation is just gonna highlight it tbh.
    Does a low dose steroid cream not help?
    I know doctors dont advise it, but my ex had eczema on his eyes and put really low dose hydrocortisone on it and it cleared it up when nothing else would, although best not to use it as a long term thing if you dont want your skin to melt away.
    I have psoriasis around my eyes and that's what I've been prescribed to use. It's amazing stuff, providing you use it sparingly and not over a long period of time.
    How about a tinted moisturiser? I tried one last summer, and loved it because it didn't highlight my psoriasis.

    On the wardrobe front, I agree with what's been said - you need to buy the basics first. They don't have to be expensive either, you can catch a fair few bargains in the high street these days, so it's always worth having a look, even if you don't buy anything.

    What shape are you? Apple or Pear?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you feel that attention if brought to your eyes then perhaps try to bring attention to another part of your body, for example, wear a pretty necklace (cheap ones can be found in Primark), or do up your hair and wear it differently to how you usually style it.

    You mentioned about losing weight- I really would recommend exercising lots though, as exercise will boost your endorphines. You mentioned about being on a budget, before I joined a gym I was walking more, going up and down the stairs several more times just to burn the calories, using cans of baked beans for weights, doing sit ups, star jumps- you name it. It just proved to me that you don't need to pay £60 a month or whatever for a gym membership. (I'm not being hypocritical- the only reason I go to a gym is because I had a membership brought for me).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Twisted Trinity, I'd recommend to remember the classic rule of accentuating your best traits, and trying not call attention to those which we aren't proud of. For example, do you have big boobs? If you do, try using nice colourful tops with a bit of cleavage that draw attention to the upper part of your body whilst going for basic black trousers (as has been suggested). Black is always the best to hide a bit of overweight.

    If you can't wear eye make-up you can still wear shiny lip gloss (especially if you have full lips), and I've always found that instead of foundation you can use concealer to hide out spots or blemishes, and you can still wear some blush on top of that. Also you can always accessorise with pretty dangly earrings that can be very flattering. If you have a weight problem then preferably go for long thin earrings instead of big round ones.

    And I agree with someone else who said that if you can't spend too much on clothes right now you can take really good care of your skin (and hair) so you feel better about yourself. Take care of always having your hair clean and shiny and use perfume so you smell good. This can sound sort of obvious but thing is when you're feeling a bit down you sometimes let yourself go a bit, so don't let that happen to you! Be sure to try and take control of your life, not just let things run over you. And for this exercising is a great place to start, as well as helping you lose some calories.

    Good luck :)
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