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Guy Friend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Just a quickie to check I've not been mean and nasty.

Got a text just now from a good friend of mine, used to know him vaguely but since I've been ill we've been talking on msn loads and been out for drinks a couple of times with other friends. He's been round here once to watch a film (we were supposed to be going for a drink but I was shattered and didn't want to go out) and then we went to the cinema on Monday (his idea, kind of, went to see Music and Lyrics, which he didn't think he could go to without a girl being as it's a chick flick).

Text said:
Sorry if I wake you but I'm drunkk so that is a good excuse! I like you a lot and want us to be more than friends. omg I can not focus properly a xxx

Now he's a lovely guy, no questioning that, and I like him as a mate a lot, but I'm really not interested in more than friends. Now feeling kind of guilty that I might have given him the wrong impression. Apparently I can be an outrageous flirt without really meaning to or even realising. Was tempted to ignore the text but then figured that would be really harsh so sent a really waffling one back.
'I don't leave my phone on any setting that will wake me over night anymore unless I fancy working at half 6 the following morning! You're a great guy and a good friend but I'm not looking for anything more. Really sorry if I've implied otherwise apparently I can be an outraeous flirt without noticing. Sounds like you've had a good night. x'

Do you think that was reasonable? I know I sound like some 13 yr old, he said this and I said that, but I've screwed up along these lines in the past and hurt a good friend, don't really want to do it again.:banghead:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds nice, clean, straight forward and simple.
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    You have not been mean and nasty. I think it is best to respond to the sort of text you received as it is important to make the situation clear as it wouldn't be fair on either of you.

    However, it will be uncomfortable the next time you see him, and the longer you wait, the more uncomfortable it will be. If I were you, I would make plans to see him quite quickly so you can resume your friendship.

    But no, you weren't mean or nasty. You were fair.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You weren't mean at all. But were you telling the truth when you said it asn't him and that you are just not looking for anything right now? He may hang on until he thinks you are ready or it may come back to bite you if you meet someone.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bollocks. I meant anything more with him, rather than anything more with anyone.

    Maybe I should have left it until I was well and truly awake to reply, although saying that I think he knows there's someone else I'm interested in/with. Shouldn't be too bad though, as he's never going to know who I'm with because it's another one of that group and we've decided life will be a lot easier if we keep it quiet and that way we'll hopefully get a private life.

    Am hoping that the group of us that I know him through will be going out for a drink in the next week or so which would be quite handy, see him and nothing be too awkward.

    Feeling slightly guilty for going to the cinema now, may have given him the wrong idea.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, apparently it was sent to the wrong Jen...

    So I'm off the hook.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Scary Monster wrote: »
    Well, apparently it was sent to the wrong Jen...

    So I'm off the hook.

    Hmm sounds like he's trying to save face now that he has sobered up! I don't think you were mean or nasty at all. It is better to say what you feel from the start rather than giving him the wrong impression because you don't want to hurt his feelings. You did the right thing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mmmm, hence the apparently. But, it still leaves me off the hook, if he thinks I've believed him and saved him a bit of embarassment so much the better. At least he knows where I stand.

    Men do my head in at times, making me feel all guilty for possibly leading them on when I'm not interested. I'm not pretty or attractive in the slightest either. SO very confusing :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think attraction goes on prettiness though, and everyone has different standards. Don't feel guilty, I think you responded in the best way possible. I get frustrated when a girl gives you bullcrap about just getting out of a tough relationship, then the next day you see them with the new fella. That's all very well and good, but it's annoying being lied to. But I think you were perfectly honest, and I think the best way forward now is just to continue being friends :).

    I don't think going to the cinema was leading him on, I've gone to the cinema with friends of the opposite sex and it wasn't anything. Mind we were good friends so we both knew it wasn't anything. Don't worry too much :) it's all done and dealt with now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Seems like you did a good job to me. Better than giving him some bullshit about "not looking for anything serious" or similar. Oh and I don't believe for one second that he sent it to the wrong person.

    See boys, this is why you don't tell someone you like them by text. Either make a move or don't make a move. Don't ask for permission first.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm With Stupid wrote: »
    Seems like you did a good job to me. Better than giving him some bullshit about "not looking for anything serious" or similar. Oh and I don't believe for one second that he sent it to the wrong person.

    Me either, but if he wants to believe that and think I do then it's fine by me. You'd think we'd have grown out of this by now.
    See boys, this is why you don't tell someone you like them by text. Either make a move or don't make a move. Don't ask for permission first.

    I'd far far far rather have had a text than a move made, that would have been far far more embarrassing and likely to wreck a friendship, or at least tone it down for a while.

    I thought we were good mates and knew the deal otherwise I would never have gone. S'all good now though, but I won't ask him if he's got anywhere with this other Jen yet.
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