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Is there a way of stopping yourself falling for someone?
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Because, well, I think I'm falling for someone but I really really really don't want to.
Tips please.
Tips please.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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2. I'm so unbelievably scared of getting hurt after ex after ex after ex have left me in messy states. I'm scared of ever having a boyfriend again because I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I don't want anything ruining that.
3. I need to concentrate on my degree. Its my final few months and really need to do well. I can't have a boy getting in the way of that.
4. I've just got so much going on.
Meh
I think maybe throwing yourself head first into your uni work would be good, because it'd help you with your degree and it'd also take your mind off the bloke a bit.
Whatever you do, try not to sit being bored because your mind is bound to wander off back to the boy, y'know?
Its not just a matter of me being scared really. I have actually got alot going on and wouldn't have time for a boyfriend even if this boy liked me too. I have so much work to do in my final months of uni and exams. After all that, I've got a job to sort and a flat.
But yeah, the whole being scared thing is an issue too. I've been really hurt in my past few relationships. I just never wanna feel that bad again.
I just wanna know how I can stop myself feeling things really.
Other than that, spend a lot of time doing something. Schedule a good portion of your time around it. Then run every day after you're done with said activity. Your mind is usually too hammered to think about anything else.
Concentrate on your uni work rather than chasing said boy up and down the railways of the north, but if feelings happen then see where they go. Does he feel the same, cause if he does you really shouldn't be trying to fight it, IMHO. Who knows when it would come around again?
on the other hand, don't let past relationships dictate your future ones - won't get you anywhere.
Kermit - I highly doubt he feels the same way. If he does, he hasn't let on. We are just really good mates. I'm not chasing him btw
Lucifer - I know you are right. I shouldn't let past relationships dictate my future ones but I really don't have much faith in men. I've been hurt over and over again. I don't really want to put myself into that situation again.
Its just a bit shit really. Ah well, I suppose these feelings will go away soon enough. I mean, I know I've yet to fall for him but like the title suggests, I can feel myself falling for him which isn't good. Its just a bit meh. I wish I had control of my feelings sometimes. Its like, he is a really really good friend, why can't I just be satisfied with that? Why am I wanting something more at a time in my life where I've promised myself to concentrate just on me and don't have time for a boy (as I have so much going on)?
I'm really really happy being single too, I suppose this is another reason why I want these feelings to go away.
It sounds like your head wants one thing but your heart wants another. Sometimes we really have to listen to our head but there are times when following your heart is the right thing to do.
Concentrating on uni is very sensible. Doing well in your degree will set you up for life and it’s important to do the best you can. Having said that though, falling for someone isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
It’s understandable that you are worried about being hurt again but stopping yourself from feeling things isn’t necessarily the right way to go (and actually isn’t always possible). If anything, thinking about this guy in lectures may be more distracting than pursuing something with him. Getting your feelings off your chest and telling him how you feel could even lift a huge weight off you. Is he a student too? If he’s in his final year then maybe he is equally worried about his studies. By taking things further with him, you could find that he proves to be a tower of strength and that you two could get through the final months together.
No doubt you feel a bit of pressure to be in a relationship at uni – especially with Valentine’s Day coming up. It’s good that you are confident being single. Many people would admire you for that. However, not doing something about this because you are worried he doesn’t feel the same way or because you are anxious about getting hurt could leave you feeling dissatisfied. The fact that you are happy with your life and seem confident about who you are is probably very attractive to guys. You should draw strength from that and start doubting yourself less.
Maybe you could bide your time with this guy. A close friendship is still important and can prove very supportive during those final stressful months at uni. Having finished your degree, when you’re not in the same pressurised, tight-knit environment, you could maybe reconsider things and perhaps pursue a relationship with this guy then.
You might find it useful to take a look at Butterflykisses comments and the pearls of wisdom offered by others. It seems that in many ways, she feels similar to you.
Good luck whatever you decide to do and all the best with your studies.
Thats exactly it really.
I don't feel under pressure to be in a relationship. I don't care that most of my friends are. I'm happy on my own. I don't feel as though I'm missing out because I'm single as I've been in and out of serious relationships since I was 16. Valentines means nothing to me. Guys haven't exactly treated me on the day anyways. I'm gonna be happier single on Valentines day as stupid as that sounds.
I've decided just to stop seeing this guy so much, stop talking to him so much, etc. I have to concentrate on uni. I've only got a few months to go and well, I'm really happy being single. I think this is just me getting confused with my feelings. I've had a bit of a rough week with people saying things about my past relationships, about me myself, etc so I dunno, I could just have been getting a bit confused. Its been an emotional time for me this week. I just think its a very bad crush. Meh. I can sometimes get confused with my feelings. I mean, he's a very close mate but I don't know, sometimes I just want that little bit more. I don't even know what I want.
Answering your questions, yes, he is a student. He's doing a masters degree right now so he's more under pressure than I am really! I think we are best just remaining good friends. At least till we've both finished our courses.
Thanks for everyone's replies anyhoo.
Punch Youself in the face every time You think of them.
That'll knock it outta ya!!
Well yeah you are right. All of my relationships have ended up in hurt though, except my last one and thats because I ended it and we've remained very good friends. No hard feelings or anything.
Guys treat me like shit. I don't even know why. I try ever so hard to believe there are nice guys out there but yeh
I've lost all faith in men. The guys I've been with either get what they want then fuck off, cheat on me or just treat me like dirt underneath their shoes. I don't know whats wrong with me.
I'm not a horrible girl. I don't deserve to be treated this way. Just wish 'nice' boys would like me rather than the prickish ones. Meh.
To be totally candid, you probably aren't interested in the "nice" boys anyway... even if they do put themselves forward. That's not a damning judgement of you personally, it's true of pretty much all of us. We say we want a "nice" boy but when one presents himself we couldn't be less interested.
I'm not sure what to advise, to be honest. My first thought was that it is absolutely possible to study competently, do brilliantly at your study and conduct a relationship, it's a bit of a cop out to suggest otherwise. If you can't have a man in your life without it having a huge knock-on effect on your study and other areas of your life then maybe you need to review the way you behave in relationships. I know from my own past behaviour and the way a lot of my friends go on when they get a new bloke that everything else goes out the window. I think a big part of growing and learning in relationship terms is finding balance. Balance in everything - between your love life and the rest of your life, between "nice" boy and "bad" boy, between giving your all to a relationship and not putting all your eggs in one basket. If you see what I mean.
The real issue is probably the fear of taking a chance and getting hurt again, and also the point you made that he mightn't feel the same way.
If I gave my honest advice I would say go for it, I would never advise anyone to bury their feelings - there are so few people we feel we really click with in that way, and who we can imagine having a fulfilling relationship with. You haven't given any real reason as to why you shouldn't/couldn't give it a shot, but then obviously you wouldn't have made this thread if you didn't have huge reservations. It's largely a case of mind over matter. If you're determined to solely concentrate on your studies for now, and not let your feelings for this bloke get in the way... well, then you just need to keep telling yourself that. There's no magic pill you can take to turn your feelings off, basically you decide whether you're going to act on them or not and then stick to your decision
I'm not disheartened as such because like I said, I'm completely happy being single. I just often wonder why guys treat me the way they do though. The guy I lost my virginity to dumped me after he got what he wanted. He claimed he loved me :rolleyes: My second serious relationship ended when he cheated on me. Before that, he treated me really well. We were together a year. My third serious relationship was quite an abusive one and in general, I got treated like shit. I also got cheated on three times. I should have dumped him when he first cheated on me though so its kinda my own fault there. We were together almost 3 years. In between all these and since my third serious relationship, guys have made out like they want to pursue a relationship with me but dumped me after they've had a good few shags out of me which really hurts me. It just makes me feel as though I'm only good for one thing - sex.
It just fucks me off. No guy I've been with hasn't hurt me, except the last one.
Ha. Sorry guys - I'm sure you are all lovely on here
Ha. I know what you mean there and don't get me wrong, I am over it. I don't think about one of them in particular and think OMG, WHY DID HE TREAT ME SO BADLY because I'm over each and every one of them. The point I was trying to make was that all the guys I seem to have something with have treated me like shit and this has resulted in me having no faith in men.
Lipsy - I'm slowly learning to stick up for myself. I kindly told the last guy I was dating to fuck off after he treated me badly. I felt so good for it afterwards.
Briggi - I'm able to balance Uni and a relationship. I did it in my first year very well. However, I'm in my final year now and I've barely got any spare time to myself, nevermind for somebody else. I've had to quit my job just to fit my studies in.
And Lucifer - I hope you don't let these guys cheat on their girlfriends with you
like i said they were good looking!
Thats baddddd. Hide from their girlfriends if they ever find out!
My friend says the best way to go off someone you "like" is to imagine them having a great big poo.
haha
i'm feeling kinda the same way atm.
i wish there was a way too of stopping yourself falling for someone.
i think you can just be aware of how you feel and try and fight it - as impossible as that may sound.
you might've pulled people you didn't know had girlfriends.
and i'm extremely unlikely to ever meet any of their girlfriends. and i doubt they're in a hurry to tell them anyway! but yes i should stop doing that.
I'd never go with someone I knew had a girlfriend though
We are! :grump:
LMAO! Bloody brilliant Jenni! You made my night with that one. :thumb:
I have found that when my heart is set on a person and my head knows it's a bad thing, I immediately focus on something else with my energy and avoid contact at all costs. Trust me on this, if you're at uni you'll want to follow your head right now. It took me two extra years to finish up at uni because of a girl. Maybe one day I'll go into that story.... right painful it is.
I don't know the lad so I don't know if he would be interested, but you should try and ask him, and see what he says. You never know what might happen.