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I give up
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I HATE those people around me and I just wanted to say that I am going to give up.
It's so pointless sturggling when nothing will ever change, when you just know no one cares...
People online are far better, you can always click the allmighty ignore button and get on with your life... It just doesn't work in real life, people do things without considering their surroundings.
I'm not going to be online much longer, maybe check a site, finish a war I'm fighting in a game and then go to my room and hope no one will phone me, no one will even notice me...
I want to disappear... but my shell will have to do for now.
No need to reply, I just wanted someone to know this even though I don't know you and probably never will.
Enjoy the night/your lifes
-MM
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Comments
If you just bottle it up and go to bed it will still be there when you get up in the morning. The best thing for you to do is to do what I have done. Go and see a GP and talk to him/her.
Even talk to people on here cause I have had the best advice from here so far! Talk to your family and you will realise that there are people out there who are willing to help you!
Good look <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue
dont lock urself in ur room 4eva, go out and experience the world, and if people piss u off, just think, sod them, their not worf it.
I'm sure u av lots of people that care bout u. We do! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
sadly there are cold callous people in this world, and I can fully apreciate what you mean when you say it's easier to just hide away. I find it easier to lock myself in my flat rather than face people. It is easier to run away or hide from one's problems than to face them. As Brokenheart has said how about seeing your family doctor for some further advice on where you can get more help that you need, if memory serves me right you mentioned you have a councellor, how are things with that? if things aren't going well with that counsellor can you change to another. If there is anything we can do please do not hesitate to post here, if there's anything I can do please feel free to e-mail me. There is another site that I can recomend and I'm sure anyone here who has visited it will testify of its worth. Depression Alliance I hope in whatever way we can Faff we can help, because as the old saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved, we'll be here for you when you need us.
Take care Faff
Luv n peace to you
LUKA
The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see
poor girl...i have no advice, but would like you to know i'm here for you, like we all <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> keep telling us how things are, we do care about you.
{{{{{{far}}}}}
DM
I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.
Basically what happened is that there is this really harsh pecking order where I work, everyone is trying to become better than theyir "opponent" and we fight for horses. (It's more of a hobby in the stables)
I've gone through days with absolutely no problems, expecially since I have got few "enemies". Today was different though, me and this girl have been enjoying our times alot lately and been riding together. She had her preferred horse and I had mine. But what happens is that last week, when I had been waiting for more than three weeks to get on my fav horse (including six months to actually get the horse to the stables) she is asked to take the mare, no big deal, afterall, we had our turns (I get this day and the other one gets the next day after).
Today I go to the stables knowing that I was supposed to pick a horse, and I would have picked the mare, but what happens is that she is yet again told to take the mare, even though I thought she knew I was going to take her. I filled the nets we use to feed the horses, silently & bitterly, and went home, saying only goodbye to this girl who was preparing a horse for someone.
I was really hurt, not only because this is the only horse I really do like and had been waiting for all that time to take it inside the small indoor arena, while the owner was teaching but also because I have been feeling down lately. (I'll mention another cause further down) I ended up on the computer, posted this message, did few other things and went to my room to cry. Mum came some mins later and asked me about what had happened. (I still don't think her change-your-attitude ways work) She told me to take a shower and that I did, then the girl who took the mare phoned me and asked why I had left. I told her why and she said that she didn't know I was going to take the horse. As of now I am trying to believe her, but it's hard altho her words do make sense. Right after we had finished our convo another friend called.
I thought she was selfish as hell last summer, but she's gotten not so good treatment lately so she is getting down to earth.(I can't agree that it was nice being so nassty towards her, some people were really mean) I had been wanting to talk to her but wasn't sure if I could trust her. She asked me about it and said I just had to let everyone know that she was going to be mine(the mare) after two days. WoW, people actually seemed to care up to a certain point! :P
But then someone else calls me, now the owner of the riding school and a former counsellor (working in schools). Personally I think someone called him and told him about the mare cause he talked alot about it. Then he said that he wanted to trust me to do the right things.
He told me to let him know when I would be feeling down, he'd allow me to pick the horse I wanted :P
I hope no one notices the marks after tonite, since I was gnawing my hand, why I really did it I don't know.
I think I will apologise to my friend in school tomorrow, last friday I didn't say a thing to her and she didn't say anything to me either, it's been going on like that since then. I don't know when she has made me feel good about myself cause everything is about this other girl, she waits forever after her and even though I patiently wait for both of them all I get is crap from them when I am taking longer than usual to get out of the classroom... Yet again I haven't made it clear why I am acting like that and when I start to ignore people they never understand why. :P
oh well, I think I'll go to bed now and hope to be feel better when I wake up tomorrow. Mum is trying to find my dad's god, Brian Tracey, some self esteem and success guy :P
I might try to talk to this counsellor tomorrow and see if he's got anything to add to this case (In case some of you didn't know, I grew really scared of her after we talked two weeks ago, I don't really know why though). My homework is not going too well and I am starting to fear that next summer and the change of school wont be like I want it to be.
Thanks again for your replies! I am not feeling as bad now like I did when I came home, now all I wish is a good tomorrow.
-Faf
P.S. I disable the smileys quite often since i am used to the old-style irc ones (Am an irc-nerd btw :P). I put them in most of my sentences too, so now you know in case you ever wondered
Brennt barn forðast eldinn
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue
i hope everything works out with you, i sympathise about you hating everyonoe around you. ive felt like that sooooo much. at one point it felt like i had nothign to look forward to at all, and that i would never make any good friends who didnt let me down and who actually were good friends to me, and i pretty much hated my life.
ive still got my problems now, i dont have that many true friends, everyone is really bitchy and immature in my school apart from a couple of people. but i have some good friends, many of them on the internet, and some from here. the internet's great for letting out your feelings, someone will listen to what you have to say and its easier telling your feeligs to a message board, or someone you cant see, than it is to someone who knows you, and you fear they might laugh in your face or tell everyone or something.
we all care about you here, so i hope you dont feel alone when you have us <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
also i hope you get things a bit more sorted when you see the self esteem guy tomorrow, and maybe talk to a counsellor/GP. and things will get better, you never think it at the time but they will <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
Something was going to happen I had been waiting for for ages... and a girl I was trying to trust is the one to end that dream.
I feel like everbody around me is not seeing the whole picture, it's not the loss of the horse but the loss of the little trust I had that's been tormenting me... And now the only place I used to enjoy going to is making me scared..
Guess it's not my time right now, but I might try to find the courage I need to confront my gp. I don't want to be scared of every bloody thing in my life <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif">
-Faf
Brennt barn forðast eldinn
Life can seem very up and down sometimes. I sometimes get so depressed too but things do have a habit of turning out alright in the end. I hope the other members of the board don't mind me giving you a great big "bulletin board" *HUG* on their behalf.