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Kitten Rules
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
1. You are at the pinnacle of the hierachy in the household, never forget this.
2. EVERYTHING is a plaything, be it toy mice, curtains, potted plants, carrier bags or the toilet.
3. Stay away from the toilet. (see attachment 1)
4. When you've had a poo, do that stupid scratchy scratchy thing in the air instead of the litter tray, it amuses the humans.
5. If, when you've had a poo, some poo is stuck to your foot, shake it as vigorously as you can so it flys off and sticks to the wall. Humans love cleaning up.
6. You'll get some crap cat stocking on Christmas day but you can still have some fun. (see attachment 2)
7. Use your dew claw to flick rubberbands (source: E.Izzard.)
8. When hungry, whine and whine and whine until they put some fresh food down, sniff it then go do something else.
9. When sleeping on the humans bed, sleep on their legs so you can be catapulted into the air when they wake up suddenly.
10. Humans like 'cute'. Do that 'kitten eye slow blinking' thing as often as you can.
11. Furniture is excellent for cleaning and sharpening your claws on so scratch it as much as you can.
12. Show your appreciation for strokies and ticklies by inserting your claws into the humans knees.
13. Show avid interest in new toys for approximately 5 minutes then don't bother with it for a week or so. That way you'll get a steady stream of new toys.
14. Laminate flooring does not allow for a quick getaway after mischief, though your attempt to do this will amuse the humans.
15. Anything made of paper must be shredded immedeately you get your paws on it. This includes newspapers, serviettes, toilet rolls and cheques.
16. EVERYTHING new that comes into the house must be scrutinised and security checked thoroughly. Climb into shopping bags if necessary.
17. The silver thing in the kitchen that makes a noise and belches out steam is a kettle. This should be avoided and not gone upto and sniffed like you did last week.
18. Yes, the microwave is very interesting, makes a funny noise and lights up, but nothing will ever come out of it for you.
19. Leave you toys all over the place, so when the humans tred on them they think they've trod on your tail.
20. And finally, remember. Dogs have owners, kittens have staff
2. EVERYTHING is a plaything, be it toy mice, curtains, potted plants, carrier bags or the toilet.
3. Stay away from the toilet. (see attachment 1)
4. When you've had a poo, do that stupid scratchy scratchy thing in the air instead of the litter tray, it amuses the humans.
5. If, when you've had a poo, some poo is stuck to your foot, shake it as vigorously as you can so it flys off and sticks to the wall. Humans love cleaning up.
6. You'll get some crap cat stocking on Christmas day but you can still have some fun. (see attachment 2)
7. Use your dew claw to flick rubberbands (source: E.Izzard.)
8. When hungry, whine and whine and whine until they put some fresh food down, sniff it then go do something else.
9. When sleeping on the humans bed, sleep on their legs so you can be catapulted into the air when they wake up suddenly.
10. Humans like 'cute'. Do that 'kitten eye slow blinking' thing as often as you can.
11. Furniture is excellent for cleaning and sharpening your claws on so scratch it as much as you can.
12. Show your appreciation for strokies and ticklies by inserting your claws into the humans knees.
13. Show avid interest in new toys for approximately 5 minutes then don't bother with it for a week or so. That way you'll get a steady stream of new toys.
14. Laminate flooring does not allow for a quick getaway after mischief, though your attempt to do this will amuse the humans.
15. Anything made of paper must be shredded immedeately you get your paws on it. This includes newspapers, serviettes, toilet rolls and cheques.
16. EVERYTHING new that comes into the house must be scrutinised and security checked thoroughly. Climb into shopping bags if necessary.
17. The silver thing in the kitchen that makes a noise and belches out steam is a kettle. This should be avoided and not gone upto and sniffed like you did last week.
18. Yes, the microwave is very interesting, makes a funny noise and lights up, but nothing will ever come out of it for you.
19. Leave you toys all over the place, so when the humans tred on them they think they've trod on your tail.
20. And finally, remember. Dogs have owners, kittens have staff
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Comments
I read a book that was (supposedly) written by cats for cats. I remember a part that said something like "Humans scream sometimes. You might think they're scared, but it only makes sense that they scream when they're happy. Like when you bring a dead mouse on their bed: What else could their scream be other than joy for such a nice gift?"
My favourites:
Ours thinks the kitchen tap is a toy, and will actually willingly jump under the cold water as it comes out.
But then our cat is a moron.
she wasnt physically hurt, but her ego was forever scarred.
my cat does that all the freaking time! she doent go away or be quiet until theres food, and she doesnt eat it ater i put it down.
You know it :thumb:
No matter how many times your servant will post you through the cat flap, look dumb and pretend you don't know how it works. Sit and meow loudly, and if necessary claw the door when you want let in or out. Only ever use the cat flap that one time there was a huge storm and then scare yourself shitless when you realise you didn't run into the door and went through.