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Why do people ...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
ask for advice on these boards and then just spend the next few days bitching about their problems and blaming everyone else, but never actually seem to follow the advice or even make any attempt to help themselves?
Obviously there's one thread in particular that has annoyed me BUT that's not it. As I've sat reading through various different threads tonight, I've noticed this same pattern occurring. It's almost as if they like having something to moan about or someone to blame when things go wrong.
I'm not naming names or having a go here before anyone gets that idea; I'm just interested about people's reasons for coming on here. How many people actually want advice that ask for it? Do most people just want to get things off their chest or hear that other people support the way that they are thinking?
Others I've noticed just seem to want to argue; it doesn't matter what the thread is relating to, they'll find something in there that they don't agree with and will jump straight in with their big feet.
I'm not saying that I'm immune to any of these things either. Like I said, it's just out of interest that I'm asking. And also because certain people are beginning to whine just that little bit too much. :banghead:
Obviously there's one thread in particular that has annoyed me BUT that's not it. As I've sat reading through various different threads tonight, I've noticed this same pattern occurring. It's almost as if they like having something to moan about or someone to blame when things go wrong.
I'm not naming names or having a go here before anyone gets that idea; I'm just interested about people's reasons for coming on here. How many people actually want advice that ask for it? Do most people just want to get things off their chest or hear that other people support the way that they are thinking?
Others I've noticed just seem to want to argue; it doesn't matter what the thread is relating to, they'll find something in there that they don't agree with and will jump straight in with their big feet.
I'm not saying that I'm immune to any of these things either. Like I said, it's just out of interest that I'm asking. And also because certain people are beginning to whine just that little bit too much. :banghead:
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everyone trusts himself more than others...
Everyone asks around, in the hope other people share their views and opionions, so they feel affirmed.
If people disagree with them, they don't want to disavow it.
I just read the first sentence of your post, sorry maybe I'm answering the question nevertheless.
I, like many people I imagine, come on here to chat and have a laugh and also because I think that I can help people. It's really demoralising though when you give out your best possible advice - based on experience - and people just have a go. Like I said, it's not just me, I've read loads of threads tonight and it's just a constant thing throughout a lot of them.
Maybe I'm too old for this shit. I need things to be a bit more black and white and a bit more stable.
Also just because someone has asked for advice doesn't mean they will necessarily feel the need, or should be expected to, explain what has happened afterwards. Indeed in the cases of bad advice they may even not want to explain how it hasn't helped in order to avoid offending the people who gave it.
I think your viewpoint seems pretty harsh to be honest, I can think of many reasons people want to share problems, even if they may be aware already of the possible solutions.
And many issues have many different sides to them, there's nothing wrong with people disagreeing with each other - and it doesn't mean that they are doing it deliberately, just that they may have a very different viewpoint.
Unfortunately, given the issues discussed on this board, thats never going to true. There may be black and white solutions for you - and people may benefit from your experiences - but it doesn't mean it's going to be the solution for everyone.
I don't think you're being harsh at all, or too black and white. If I ask for advice then I expect to be given some different ideas, and I expect someone to tell me I'm being a prat. I'd try not to leap down someones throat when they came up with reasonable points even if I don't want to hear them. If I want advice I make it pretty clear, if I'm just after a sounding board (usually in relationships) then I throw in something like 'any thoughts?' rather than outright asking for advice. I've got a pretty good idea of some of the threads you've got in mind and I was having similar thoughts.
Someone starts a thread, looking for advice, seemingly, but then they completely ignore everything that wasn't their original idea and attack anyone that suggests something different.
I started coming on here a lot when I was bored out of my mind and basically bed bound, and it's become a habit. I like to think I can help, and it seems not infrequently that I do. I also like a good discussion on P&D until it starts to do my head in.
I really don't expect that at all. If I implied that in my post then I did not mean to.
Maybe that's the problem; people write in such a way that it sounds like they want advice, when really they just need a sounding board. Maybe I just read things wrong.
Naturally people have different viewpoints. The world would be a very boring place otherwise. Clearly we have different views on this issue in particular although I do think that it's down to me maybe not explaining myself too well.
Like I said in the first post, I was interested to know why people actually posted. Do they post with the intention of just sounding off or because they actually want advice? Or maybe a mixture of both? This wasn't a thread for people to get angry about and bitchy but to help me understand people's reasons.
*waves at Jim* - in all the years of me posting on this board it's the first time you've ever responded to one of my posts.
That can be very true sometimes.
Awwww, come and have a cuddle
As for referring to things being black and white, I wasn't talking about solutions - that could never be the case. I meant about people's reasons for posting. Maybe we should make people actually state whether they want advice or just to moan or to just chat or whatever. Joke!
And hi to you too :wave:
*waddles over penguin style*
Heh don't worry I was just making a comment off the top of my head, of course I don't take it seriously...
...it's me isn't it
When I give advice or ideas on something I wouldn't expect people to take it. It's just based on my own experience, and if it helps somebody get a different perspective on something or whatever then it's all good.
On the odd occasion that I need advice (tonight for example) then I'm really grateful and actually take it up - the link GWST and Jim both posted tonight will actually help me no end
*is beginning to wish she'd never asked*
The other big one is when someone is interested in a girl or a boy that they are just never gonna get because you can't force someone to be attracted to you, and they are looking for some sort of miracle answer that will make it happen and when you say "Time to move on" they just don't want to hear it. The truth hurts. I was guilty of this one when I first came here if I remember rightly.
It can get annoying sometimes, but then, as Jim basically said, the point of thesite is to share your problems and to share your views, and relationships etc are tricky situations and often heart wrenching situations, so it's inevitable that some people aren't going to like the answers that they get...
We need an applause smiley. You nailed it :thumb:
I think the boards are quite reflective of the advice we'd also get from family, friends and even professionals, if we always had the courage to ask (and the confidence that anyone would actually care). The difference being on here that once you've bared your soul and your problems you don't feel obligated to act immediately on that advice as you probably would if you'd confided in your sister or best friend or mother or GP. We all probably feel very differently about this, but for me it's very important to be able to blow my whole world open and talk candidly about things even maybe if I'm already fully aware that I won't be acting on the advice or direction of other posters... at least not in the immediate future. That might piss people off - though I would hate to think that - but so be it. It just helps me get things straight in my mind sometimes as posters here do give great advice, especially if [like me] you find it hard to be as completely open in real life situations. People have such myriad experience that it almost seems a waste not to talk about things that affect you or trouble you, as this place is anonymous (or as anonymous as you want it to be) and even if you don't take action as a result of what people tell you, well it still opens your eyes and mind to your options. If that makes sense.
As for what you're saying about things being black and white in terms of whether people actually want pro-active help or not, well I do understand that. But I don't think I've ever seen even a "rant-style" post on here that didn't definitely still want a response - despite probably even having the tagline "no need to respond, I'm just ranting and raving" or similar. Even if there's nowt productive to add or any reasonable advice to give, it's still good to feel vindicated yourself... and also to validate other people's feelings and emotions about things if you can
While I can empathise with your frustration to an extent, I find ^ somewhat bemusing to be honest. I don't see how someone posting on a message board is wasting your time. You're under no obligation to reply to someone's posts if you think you've already said enough on a subject.
1) I really need advice in many cases because I don't trust my inner voice and it's good to get another perspective.
2) It really helps when I get to see peoples' reactions. Sometimes I have days, maybe weeks on my own and it becomes very lonely if the only thing I do is ponder the same issue over and over again (Christmas holidays got like this now I'm running around all day ).
I usually feel loads better after hearing peoples' advice, and perhaps even sympathy if I'm lucky - even if I haven't found a solution. I think number 2 is as important as 1, at least to me, because I feel better after posting on here. That's why I've stayed here for such a long time. It keeps me going through rough times