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I Need Your Help People, Ive Had A Really Bad Agrument With My Fiance!

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's a bit unfair to just assume that because someone is 17 and engaged, they're not going to get married. Sure, the vast majority of people in that situation don't, but there are plenty of people who do as well. I know loads of teenagers have the whole "look at us, we're engaged" phase, or just get engaged as the next step in the relationship, rather than because they've seriously planned getting married, but it's unfair to just assume the OP is doing this just based on her age. Incidentally, I'm going to a 17 year old's engagement party next month, and I wouldn't put money on them actually getting married personally, but it does happen.

    Right on.

    People getting engaged with no intention of getting married is ridiculous, yes, but there's no evidence that that is the case or any need for all this venom. Married people have arguments too, and many of them need external help in dealing with the conflict. I think it shows resourcefulness seeking help if things have gone tits up, even if it is somewhere as simple as on a messageboard :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know if sometimes people who are insecure with their relationships get engaged because they think that will make the relationship stronger, when in reality it doesn't do any such thing, of course.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote:
    If it is going to be another 5 years until you get married, why didn't you wait a while and get engaged later on then when he proposes you could plan to get married within a year instead of having a pointless engagement that lasts 5.

    A ring on your finger for an extra 4 years doesn't prove anything.

    Listen up Squeal We're in love and have been4 the past 2 years we're stronger than ever! And its up to me and Richard when we finally tie the knot
    AND we're NOT engaged coz we're tryin 2 make our relationship work! We want to make the wedding and our furture together our own we want it to be the most happiest day of our lives and to do that we wanna save up for the big day and our furture! I love him to pieces and he feels the same way! I was over the moon when he proposed to me i couldnt believe my eyes when he got down on one knee, we're soul mates :heart:!

    And if u got any questions to ask then ask me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Listen up Squeal We're in love and have been4 the past 2 years we're stronger than ever! And its up to me and Richard when we finally tie the knot
    AND we're NOT engaged coz we're tryin 2 make our relationship work! We want to make the wedding and our furture together our own we want it to be the most happiest day of our lives and to do that we wanna save up for the big day and our furture! I love him to pieces and he feels the same way! I was over the moon when he proposed to me i couldnt believe my eyes when he got down on one knee, we're soul mates :heart:!

    And if u got any questions to ask then ask me?

    I never said that you wasn't, i just said, why the rush when you're not planning to get married until another 5 years have passed?

    How do your parents feel about all of this out of interest?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote:
    I never said that you wasn't, i just said, why the rush when you're not planning to get married until another 5 years have passed?

    How do your parents feel about all of this out of interest?

    Our parents are happy for us both!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My cousin got married at 18 and shes been married for 25 years now and she and her husband are still very much in love. It can work getting married very young, but their an exception, most young marriages (well over 50%) end in divorce.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My cousin got married at 18 and shes been married for 25 years now and she and her husband are still very much in love. It can work getting married very young, but their an exception, most young marriages (well over 50%) end in divorce.

    Don't about 50% (might be less but I can't remember) end in divorce anyway?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mum got married when she was 19 and my friends parents when his mum was 16 and both are still happily together. Either way it depends on the two people involved but still i agree with the majority that relationships that start when you are younger tend not to work out in the future, however i would like to think me and my boyfriend will last and have a future, but no time soon would we plan to be engaged etc.

    A friend got engaged at the age of 14, and was with the guy for 7 years until she broke up with him. Now she's with an even older guy with about 5 kids and they are engaged!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good luck for the wedding.
    EVERYONE has arguments, married or not.
    Having rows doesnt mean your relationship wont last.
  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    I don't know why there is all this venom in here. The OP asked for advice, not to be spoken down to about what she is doing at the moment. She didn't ask to be patronized or questioned about her current relationship status.

    Ok, it didn't help that the OP didn't give much input on what the argument was about in order to solve the problem, but it doesn't mean that you have to shout her down. Jeez.

    Anyway, I agree with SCC. Everyone has arguments and I would think it rather strange if you and your fiance didn't. Hope you have sorted things out now :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be fair she does come across as slightly naive. I think people were just trying to offer her the benefit of their wisdom.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats kind of them :lol:
    Glad everyone in real life isnt that kind!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know why there is all this venom in here. The OP asked for advice, not to be spoken down to about what she is doing at the moment. She didn't ask to be patronized or questioned about her current relationship status.

    Ok, it didn't help that the OP didn't give much input on what the argument was about in order to solve the problem, but it doesn't mean that you have to shout her down. Jeez.

    Anyway, I agree with SCC. Everyone has arguments and I would think it rather strange if you and your fiance didn't. Hope you have sorted things out now :)

    Thanks ever so muc 4 that, thats exactly i was thinking when i was asking 4 advice i know i didnt rele explain myself but i didnt want all this!
    And yeah we're sorted everything out thanks.

    *sweet_cheeks*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks ever so muc 4 that, thats exactly i was thinking when i was asking 4 advice i know i didnt rele explain myself but i didnt want all this!
    And yeah we're sorted everything out thanks.

    *sweet_cheeks*

    Aside from everything else you REALLY REALLY need to stop typing like that, its actively making me hate you, sorry.

    I cant even begin to understand how typing mi instead of me is any sort of an advantage.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wyetry wrote:
    And i dont' buy into that not having enough money either it costs under £100 to get married.

    Ah, in theory, yes, but I think things are a tad more complicated in practice for a lot of people... :(

    Me and my boyfriend have just started seriously talking about engagement/marriage (after spending the last few years clothing any such conversations in the abstract). He wants to marry me, I want to marry him. Simple, non?

    Myself, I'm not religious or fussed about having a huge ceremony, so a simple registry office affair with close friends and family would suit me wonderfully. I'm not even hugely keen on wearing a proper wedding dress, but I know my b/f's family would be pretty disappointed if we did it so low key. And then there's the whole dilemmas about who to invite - I have a fairly large family on my Dad's side and have been invited to all my cousins' weddings so far, so I think we'd put people's noses out of joint if we shut extended family out of the invite list. Then there's the needing to feed the guests and give them at least a couple of free drinks etc. etc. etc.

    And that's before you even go into other issues, like we've been living together at his Mum's place for two and a half years and it would just be wierd - not to mention depressing - to get married and then STILL be living with th parents. Our first priority needs to be getting on the housing ladder. And, last but not least, our friendship group has been awash with weddings over the last couple of years, so we'd look like we're just jumping on the band-waggon.

    So, yeah, a £100 wedding would be lovely, but impossible, and it looks like we're going to be 'engaged to be engaged' for a while yet. I know I'm going to get a proposal at some point in the next two years or so, but there's little point in broadcasting the fact yet to friends of family, when the actual date is some time in the unknown mists of the future! Talk about building up an anti-climax!

    Sweet_Cheeks - I'm glad you've both sorted stuff out :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Meryn wrote:
    Ah, in theory, yes, but I think things are a tad more complicated in practice for a lot of people... :(

    Me and my boyfriend have just started seriously talking about engagement/marriage (after spending the last few years clothing any such conversations in the abstract). He wants to marry me, I want to marry him. Simple, non?

    Myself, I'm not religious or fussed about having a huge ceremony, so a simple registry office affair with close friends and family would suit me wonderfully. I'm not even hugely keen on wearing a proper wedding dress, but I know my b/f's family would be pretty disappointed if we did it so low key. And then there's the whole dilemmas about who to invite - I have a fairly large family on my Dad's side and have been invited to all my cousins' weddings so far, so I think we'd put people's noses out of joint if we shut extended family out of the invite list. Then there's the needing to feed the guests and give them at least a couple of free drinks etc. etc. etc.

    And that's before you even go into other issues, like we've been living together at his Mum's place for two and a half years and it would just be wierd - not to mention depressing - to get married and then STILL be living with th parents. Our first priority needs to be getting on the housing ladder. And, last but not least, our friendship group has been awash with weddings over the last couple of years, so we'd look like we're just jumping on the band-waggon.

    So, yeah, a £100 wedding would be lovely, but impossible, and it looks like we're going to be 'engaged to be engaged' for a while yet. I know I'm going to get a proposal at some point in the next two years or so, but there's little point in broadcasting it, when the actual date is some time in the unknown mists of the future!

    Sweet_Cheeks - I'm glad you've both sorted stuff out :)

    Thanks Hun! Well Im happy for you!
    Good Luck for the furture!
    And make it a day to remember!

    *Sweet_Cheeks*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's nowt wrong with having a long engagement, we did because of finances.

    With the caps lock on (that's why the first post has Every Letter Capitalised), and the lack of information, and the general immaturity of everything since means that I won't change what I said though:)
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Thanks ever so muc 4 that, thats exactly i was thinking when i was asking 4 advice i know i didnt rele explain myself but i didnt want all this!
    And yeah we're sorted everything out thanks.

    *sweet_cheeks*

    Glad to hear it :)

    budda, there's no need to come into a thread just to insult someone for the way they type - a polite direction to the good manners guide wouldn't go amiss!

    I can't believe how judgemental so many of you have been in this thread. *sweet_cheeks* I agree that your original post needed far more info to give a better response - but it certainly didn't deserve some of these responses :eek: Remember to keep the communication going, and don't less this put you off asking for advice again - hopefully the positives outweigh the negatives overall :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote:
    Glad to hear it :)

    budda, there's no need to come into a thread just to insult someone for the way they type - a polite direction to the good manners guide wouldn't go amiss!

    I can't believe how judgemental so many of you have been in this thread. *sweet_cheeks* I agree that your original post needed far more info to give a better response - but it certainly didn't deserve some of these responses :eek: Remember to keep the communication going, and don't less this put you off asking for advice again - hopefully the positives outweigh the negatives overall :thumb:

    Thanks Helen i agree with what you say about so many people being negative to would what me and mi fiance want for our furture!

    *Sweet_Cheeks*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Helen i agree with what you say about so many people being negative to would what me and mi fiance want for our furture!

    *Sweet_Cheeks*

    Lol yeah you can stop banging on about it now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bunnie wrote:
    :yes: "I am engaged...have you set a date? yeah May 2020." Also bugs me, but no date at all drives me loopy....its like being engaged to be engaged.

    :eek: Taking my name in vain!! Shock horror. :eek:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bunnie wrote:
    :yes: "I am engaged...have you set a date? yeah May 2020." Also bugs me, but no date at all drives me loopy....its like being engaged to be engaged.

    Ooer, just realised the potential misunderstanding in my last post....

    When I described myself as 'engaged to be engaged', I must point out that I didn't mean I AM engaged at this point in time, more that we both know we want to get married, so I suppose it's a bit like being engaged without the ring or that I have received a proposal about a proposal, so to speak!

    The reason we're not properly engaged right now is precisely because we have no way of estimating a date yet - we're probably looking at at least a couple of years away.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote:
    budda, there's no need to come into a thread just to insult someone for the way they type - a polite direction to the good manners guide wouldn't go amiss!

    I'm not sure I was insulting, perhaps I could have been more diplomatic, but to be honest I'm somewhat surprised that she hasnt been given a warning.

    However, having said that, I wish you all the happiness in the world in the future Sweet Cheeks, just please if you are going to continue to post type properly. Thanks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Meryn wrote:
    When I described myself as 'engaged to be engaged', I must point out that I didn't mean I AM engaged at this point in time, more that we both know we want to get married, so I suppose it's a bit like being engaged without the ring or that I have received a proposal about a proposal, so to speak!

    See thats fine it would be stupid to get engaged without the prospect of marriage ever having been raised before and you had a good idea that its what both of you wanted.
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