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Can U be mates wit a EX?

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,721 Bot
in Sex & Relationships
OK, well as sum of u might know if u read the post i put on here a few weeks ago asking u 2 cheer me up coz i'd just dumped my bf. Well 4 those of u that don't know i dumped him a couple of days b4 xmas coz basically it weren't working out.
The day i dumped him he went 2 his Dad's 4 a week who lives in Southampton. Whilst he woz there i spoke 2 him on the fone a few times & when he got back 2 Reading & so i thought we were mates.
A few days in2 Jan he sent me a letter saying that he need a bit of time & space 2 get it in2 his head that we weren't 2gether ne more & that he didn't want 2 c or talk 2 me.
I woz a bit pissed off & upset by that but could c why he didn't want 2 hear from me. But it has been nearly 2 weeks now wit no contact & i don't want him back but i really wanna be mates wit him.
I woz wondering if u think i should fone or txt him & ask how he is etc & if he wants 2 be mates?!?
I don't wanna push it so i woz just wondering if 2 weeks is too little time?
Beep boop. I'm a bot.

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    JsTJsT Posts: 18,268 Skive's The Limit
    pennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniss!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd give it another couple of weeks, then send him a nice chatty letter, with NO emotion.

    j9
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmmm

    it can take a while 2 get over sum1.

    I agree wiv j9. Give it a few weeks.

    U can be friends wiv an ex, but in my experience, it takes a looooooong time to get things bak 2 a normal relationship just as friends.

    I tried it with my ex too soon, and we ended up messing around again, and in the end going out again.

    You've got to make sure ur both COMPLETELY over each other b4 u try to be friends.

    Otherwise it will end up messy.
    The more sand that escapes through the hourglass of time, the clearer we should be able to see through it.
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    i also broke up with my ex a little while before xmas, after 16 months, and realising it wasnt gonna work out. as you may have read in several posts! we tried to be friends for about 2 weeks, emailing and stuff. but it turned into nasty sniping at each other and picking holes in each others emails, i was partly to blame but it was mostly him on this front. so i think i said i didnt want to hear from him ever, i meant it at the time but i wanted to msg him soooo badly, but my friend advised me to leave it until at least boxing day (think i said this on 23rd, 24th maybe). i got a msg from him though on xmas day, and i was gonna ring him but realised it would be a bad idea coz i thuoght we'd end up getting back together, and i knew it wouldnt work out.

    so i didnt ring him. and then after i came back from the pub on the 27th (or it may have been 28th, i dunno!) i found out from him that he was going out with his best female friend. so we had a beeeeeeg argument, i said i never wanted to hear from him again, blah blah. also went through a couple of days of wanting him back severely. but i got over that, and now its over a month later. and on saturday i emailed him to catch up a bit. and so we're getting to be email friends again i think, i know i dont want him back, but i think it would be too hard to hear about his new relationship. so i dont think we could ever be proper friends.

    mind you this was over a long term relationship, which he seemed to almost disregard at the end and hurt me by saying he got with this girl who i didnt like and who i suspected, on our anniversary. and he was just generally nasty to me for the 2 weeks before. but maybe we will be friends in the future. looks like we might be at the same uni... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    sorry for talking about me so much, everyone is fed up of my probs! i agree with j9, wait a couple of weeks and then either email him or write him a letter. i dunno about NO emotion, thats a little hard. just tell him you want to be friends, youre sorry it didnt work out and if you did anything to hurt him, apologise for that too. dont expect too much too soon though.
    If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im kinda hopin 4 an answer 2 that q as well! at the mo im findin it realy difficult 2 b mates with my ex, mainly b cause 4 sum stupid reason i want him badly, but i know what hes capable of. its impossible i think if u still like em, & he keeps re-appearing in my life, wish he'd make his mind up, and me 4 that matter.
    but sayin all this,im now in contact again with an ex of 2yrs ago! only through letters at the mo but then it is possible.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    in my experience its very difficult to be mates with an ex. you both seem to carry to many memories of the relationship both good and bad. like when i look at my ex i remember him with his head between my legs - just how close and initimate we were and how distant we seem now by comparison. i think we both have so many issues with it that we'll never be close (as friends) again.
    its sad really................ <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;
    i'm not denying that women are stupid; God made us to match the men.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well my experiences have been the opposite. I'm friends with almost every one of my exes. Even ones that had a messy breakup.

    However this isn't to say that its easy, or that it'll happen right away.

    I'd wait 'til he calls you up. Or at least a while longer.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanx 4 all ur replies. I'm not mates wit ne of my other ex's but haven't been 2 bothered about them. Ne way i just found out a couple of days ago from Tom's (my ex the guy i'm talking about) cousin Matt who i became quite good mates wit that Tom discussed r whole relationship wit not only Matt but ALL of his mates even wot we had discussed about sleeping wit each other etc! And now this is the bit that has really pissed me off he has been making shit up about me 2 ppl! I'm not gonna go in2 exactly wot @ the mo coz i'm just soooooooo pissed off about it!! The way i'm feeling @ the mo i seriously don't want ne thing 2 do wit him!!
    Soz bout that ppl just needed 2 get it out of my system!
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    bastard! you dont need guys like that, for boyfriends or friends!!

    bet you're glad you ended it with him now! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    and dont worry about sounding off here, thats what we're all here for!!

    i do it all the time, i wouldnt worry! i havent been ostracised yet, just moaned at a lot about my long posts! hehe <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well when i split from an ex, we had a fall out (down to me) and I said some horrible things, really bad.

    now 10 months on we have made up, and are really good mates, the best thing is she is engaged + i am soooooo happy for her.

    ok i feel a bit jealous, but if she's happy then so am I.
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