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good thread by the by, its surprisingly not depressing but theraputic:
- most of my problems are selfish and i know people are ill and dying and unfortunate and also im young and people tell me i 'dont know the meaning of being upset/broken hearted/under stress' i feel like i am. so there.
- i miss the boy im in love with SO much and after seeing him again on friday and him actually mixing with my mates and soo many people telling me he treats me like shit and im better then him ive realised that this is actually true. he DOESNT like me even a fraction of the amount i like him and if i wait 3 years or so he WONT magically turn round and realise he loves me. which has just made me even more sad as i dont want it to be true.
- my college work is just getting so on top of me its unbelievable. after being the star pupil at gcse and getting a good few a*s i feel that a levels are just way too hard. its the AMOUNT of work.. i stay in every weekend to do it but theres just too much. ( then again theres people here in uni and with great jobs and then theres me moaning about fucking alevels which must seem very petty). im nearly expelled from college because of my 'attitude' and tutors keep phoning home which leaves my mum angry- all in all its a big mess.
- i have 2 jobs( which also take up a huge amount of time) but i seem to have no money for any luxuries.. i never have enough for a night out or any clothes grrr ( again petty teen worries sorry)
- the fact that my life just got a whole lot busier( i dont have time for mates or anything) and ive realised that im in the big world now and its up to me to get myself through it, il only be successful if I work hard.. the only thought keeping me going is studying for 2 years and then getting my arse out of this shitty small town.
- ive recently started doing exercise and eating better and have felt a lot more healthy and happy with my body, toned up and everything. but i randomly weighed myself and im heavier than before!
phheeeww thanks a lot that helped.
Added to that my sister is controling my life right now, shes getting married in may and im being bridesmaid and i have now been banned from getting a Tattoo (which ive been planning for years), having any other hair cut that just a trim, dying my hair which i usually do every 3 months or so and losing weight because we have now ordered the bloody bridesmaid dress! it may not sound too bad but its so fucking irrtating to have someone dictate what you can do with your body its a bloody wedding its not something the whole world has to stop for.
An im really pissed off with myself at the moment cos for some reason i just cant seem to make myself do any work for uni, i have such great intentions but im just to tired all the time to actually make any effort!
oh and i have 2 fucking awful housemates (one good one) who wont do anything, wont clean, barely talk to me, takes ages to get bill money out of them and i really really wana move out next year but i just dont have the money to pay for a deposit on another house they letting company charged us £500 this year and i dont have that kinda money hanging around!
hmmm feel a lil better now
i know it all sounds petty im jus so tired.
He died today. Fucking ridiculous, he was the nicest guy I've known and he's gone. The boyfriend this year has now lost two grandads and an uncle, all of whom I was close to as well.
Life is fucking cruel sometimes :crying:
i'm sorry to hear that.
i lost my grandma last november (fuck it must be the anniversary soon) and then my nan last may so i know it's shit.
eta: why do you and your bf have to split because of uni?
You're right, I just held my nose when I was yapping to you on the phone so you thought I had the cold to get out of it. It's not like I really, really like you and wanted to see you or anything, but didn't want to pass on my cold or make you have to buy me drinks all night.
*sighs*
*hugs for you tbh*
I repeat my earlier statement :yes:.
I hate living in a shit little halls room with people I hardly know.
I miss my old friends, one in particular.
Feel annoyed that I had to miss out on someone I liked.
In my old age lol I am getting more and more cynical about the majority of the population.
I normally hate Christmas as a single person, but I am actually looking forward to it this year. Think it will come as a relief!
Furthermore, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have had a long distance relationship at uni (we go to different ones), broke up with me on Tuesday due to distance issues (apparently). I also found out on the same day that he cheated on me last year with a girl from his course, he slept with her when drunk apparently, about 3 times.
I'm madly in love with him, yet I know I deserve better and he's been an absolute shit.
Still, it just all feels a bit crap.
Ok, rant over.
I fucked up at my last college by not attending lessons e.t.c and I managed to get a place in a new college where I promised myself and my parents I'd try my hardest but guess what, I'm doing it again, missing lessons to get high and then not bothering to do homework and coursework.
I still hate myself for letting a drug addiction hurt people I love, even though I'm in control of it now.
I'm fucking skint and have been for ages, plus I've had no shifts at work for ages and I'm in debt...oh and I've got a party coming up which I have no alcohol, drugs or money for!
This girl in my class at college who likes me but I never have a chance to speak to, well I saw her at a bus stop on her own the other day...the perfect chance, I even saw her look at me and slowly walk my way but I panicked, looked the other way and walked on...I got to my bus stop up the road and thought "Fucks sake! Right I'm going back!" Started going back to talk to her and her bus pulled up.....fucking missed a golden opportunity because I panicked and didn't know what to do!
I feel so lonely all the time, I nearly lost my oldest and best mates in the fucking world and I'm trying my best to make amends with them before they all go off to Uni and I go on a gap year and we never see eachother again...
I miss some of my ex's, I hate being alone.
Do you provide the money for it :razz:
How rubbish - I'm going through the crap phase with a friend of mine of arguing all the bloody time.:crying: Already had 2 arguments since Sunday evening and really don't want anymore.:(
Im 24 got married last year to a wonderful man - however my parents were going through a rough time and have now divorced they turned so nasty towards each other - my hubby and i went away to get married and my parents couldnt make it so it got to me a bit. Since then they have been so wrapped up in themselves pulling me in every direction my father was phoning me every day yapping about things to me getting on like a child telling me things in their relationship that i didnt want to know my husband had to tell him to stop. But im a soft touch thats my problem i always let people do whatever they want treat me bad etc give off to them then soften down and go back for more my hubby and i had some money problems which is now sorted but i didnt have parents to go to for help i felt so alone. Also i dont really have any girl friends - they tend not to like me very much or im not really the one they all have to phone or get me out with them etc i get on better with fellas. I should be so happy ive got a great supportive husband and a lovely house and wee dog etc but ive been feeling so down. I tried to organise a xmas party and even my godparents couldnt come - she had other things to do apparently - nobody seems to make an effort for me at all apart from my hubby. I am not speaking to my dad anymore at all i dont see my little sister and ive had a click in my neck that isnt painful my doctor says its muscular - possibly from stress or workouts etc . Im irratable with my hubby and tearful and i want it to all go away i want to be fun again - anybody got any ideas how to do that ?? lol :-(
Im only 24 and feel like 40 - my husband is really angry at my parents for putting me through all this and ive had to step back and realise that i have my own life - how do i get on with it and get all this out of my head?
What you need is some sand sea...and yes of course...great.....cocktails
Maybe go for a skiing holiday or something, a long weekend, it will help you and your hubby. Hopefully relax you and the fresh air should clear your head a little.
Im not quite sure how to make things go back to the way they were, but it seems you need to start thinking about yourself more.
- ive recently started seeing a wonderful bloke that i reaally like (for once) and everything seems to be going fine at the moment - only thing is that i think my low self-esteem and body image is going to push us apart! he's repeatedly told me that i have nothing to worry about body wise but i just cant push away the feeling that he's wrong! we havent slept together yet and im really paranoid that when it comes to that point when he sees me in my 'nakedness' he'll be disgusted and not want to see me anymore. i lost 3 stone last year and as a result my body has kinda gone.. URGH. i dont know how ill ever get more confident about my body.
- oh yeah, and last week i somehow managed to lose my (brand new) mobile phone (that cost me £285!!) , my car and house keys and my cash card all in one night. i paid £90 for a locksmith to come get into my car for me, only to have a random bloke come round later on in the day WITH my keys saying id dropped them in the taxi back home. phone and cash card however have not been found. my dad is going to KILL ME! (phone was bought on his credit card)
- and one final thing - a bloke back home who likes/liked me is not speaking to me anymore because i dont have the same feelings for him. he's a really nice guy and id love to have him as a friend, but because he likes me more he's all of a sudden decided that he doesnt even want us to be friends.
ok thats it for now
I'm 24 and I haven't actually 'done' anything with my life. A lot of my friends own their own houses and have great jobs. Due to some bad choices at uni and bucket loads of indecision, I've just got two basic jobs, which although they pay quite well for what they are, aren't exactly where I thought I'd be by now.
And one thing that nobody I know in the 'real' world knows, is that I really really want a baby. I know this sounds a little bizarre, but I actually find myslef being jealous of pregnant women. The other night I had a dream where I was pregnant, and when I woke up, I had that split second of thinking it was real, and when I realised it wasn't, I was so, so, disappointed
thanks very much :-) i appreciate it :-) I think i do i always seem to put others first and get nothing back but hey i feel better getting it off my chest thankyou :-)
No problems hun...we all like to rant now and then
- I have very low self-esteem and this has basically turned into Body Dismorphic Disorder. At the moment I'm so anxious I don't want to leave the house for college / have people look at me.
- I really want my ex back. I'm obsessed with him - always finding out where he is, what hes doing. Everytime I talk to him we end up fighting because things aren't how I really want them and I get upset.
- I didn't think I was going out of my league with him, but now it feels he dumped me because he doesnt think I'm good enough. So I don't think I'm good enough. If I can't get him, who can I get?
- I'm doing really badly at college, only getting Es etc, and I have exams after xmas. I didn't have any trouble at all with passing my GCSEs (2A*s, 2As, 4Bs and a C), yet it seems I'm struggling to get even a C/D at A Level.
- My doctors diagnosed me as depressed the other day. I'm crying everyday, yet I can't get any counselling till after xmas.
- Being miserable means I'm losing my friends, and not wanting to go out. I've got no energy or motivation. 3 of my oldest friends won't even acknowledge my presence at the mo.
- And again, can't stop thinking about my ex. I feel like I'm such a boring, unattractive person. Everything is so screwed up.
Other than that, life's fucking great!
I know this, simply because of the fact that when i really try, things work out great. I've managed to sweep home dates in the past, but because I'm so anxious, I mess everything up and end up having a sleepless night ahead of me.Naturally, people are repelled from me when i'm so introverted. It's logical and i don't expect anything else. But when it comes to the stage that my stomach hurts because of my feelings (and I mean really hurt), everything really sucks. I just hate myself, when I'm standing there, looking at her. There's nothing in me which could make me confront her. I'm just saying to myself; the opportunities here, take it you idiot! And no, not even a fucking wave.
And man, the problem is not the fear of her rejection, but more a fear of humiliation. But I can honestly say that I've been humiliated so many times that there's nothing i got to lose. But still, I walk away from her, and shit it really hurts.
I just wish someone could take off this load on me. I just want to enjoy life but I can't do this when I'm like this. Everything is so magnified when I see my friend talking to everyone and having a great social life, especially when i see him in the corner of my eye talking to her... I have nothing but an obsession. I have nothing to wake up to in the morning, but yet another day of misery and work. There's so much i want to say and no way to say it. I'm starting to hate myself badly.
I'm going to pop soon. I can feel it coming. I don't want to pop... :crying: