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Friends with benefits?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I have this mate from college, and the other weekend we ended up kissing and stuff in the bathroom while we were at a mates house. We were both kinda drunk. Anyway, we didn't regret it at all, and want it to happen again, but he wants it to happen with no strings attached. Do you think hes just using my for sex? He said he doesn't want a relationship, just fun.

Oh yeah, don't know if this is relevant but I'm still a virgin, kinda fucked up if he wants to use me for sex when I'm a virgin, yes?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well it obvious that if he wants no strings attached then it will be "using" in a way

    He may think you want the same.

    Talk to him! But fuck buddies can be good...but perhaps not in your case. Sounds like you want more...to which he cant/wont give
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there's nothing wrong with having a fuck buddy but it depends whether you're ready to lose your virginity and whether or not you want it to be with him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In a way I want to lose it to him, but in a way I want to wait.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well wait and see how it goes. it depends what your attitude towards losing your virginity is - some people want it to be with someone they love etc.

    you need to make sure you keep 100% emotionally UNinvolved. otherwise it'll get messy!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's said he just wants fun, so I suppose he is just using you for sex. That makes it sound vicious though, when its not. I don't think its fucked up to just want sex with you, and being able to take a girl's virginity without commitment is something a lot of men would really want to do.

    If you aren't sure I'd say wait.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    __tink wrote:
    In a way I want to lose it to him, but in a way I want to wait.
    then wait

    you're more likely to regret losing it to him than not losing to him
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do you want 'just sex' with him or would you want something more? do you think you would start to get feelings for him? if so then its best not to go there because it will get messy and you may end up feeling used. especially if you're a virgin and you don't even know if you are ready yet.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    __tink wrote:
    I have this mate from college, and the other weekend we ended up kissing and stuff in the bathroom while we were at a mates house. We were both kinda drunk. Anyway, we didn't regret it at all, and want it to happen again, but he wants it to happen with no strings attached. Do you think hes just using my for sex? He said he doesn't want a relationship, just fun.

    Oh yeah, don't know if this is relevant but I'm still a virgin, kinda fucked up if he wants to use me for sex when I'm a virgin, yes?

    If he wants it with no strings attached he just wants you for sex.

    OOOORRR, if he says he wants it with no strings attached, he wants you for a g/f, but hates to admit it (less likely).

    If you want no strings attached either, then it's all good.
    If you want strings attached, then it sucks.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well that night we played truth or dare and said he only has sex with people he has feelings for.. so i dunno. pah, i don't care anymore. i dont wanna be used :]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well as long as you dont think youd end up getting hurt- its not very nice!
    if you want to lose it to him and are sure then go for it, and fuck buddies are brilliant as its sex on tap really.
    however as you ARE a virgin you may very well end up feeling used at the end, and as lucifer said, if you ARE going to be agreed fuck buds then you do need to keep your emotions unattatched- dont have sex with him just to be with him.
    does he know youre a virgin? if he doesnt then maybe you should tell him, it seems quite important to me really!
    think carefully and have fun
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My natural inclination would be to agree and say he probably just wants to use you, but i guess it is possible that there could be something there...
    I mean the no-strings bit does kind of worry you, but like you said if you both want it too happen, it does sound like there might be something there...

    Talk to him, after all whats the worse that could happen? Tell him how you feel, and like most people have said if you are going to consider being fuck buddies you should let him know you're a virgin.

    Anyway good luck with whatever you choose
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    __tink wrote:
    pah, i don't care anymore. i dont wanna be used :]


    like kermit said it's not necessarily 'using' in a negative sense.

    from what i can tell about you from this thread i don't think you should.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really don't see why he is "using" you when you were happy enough to be "kissing and stuff in the bathroom" and he's not forcing you to do anything. What, just because he's a guy he has to be "using" you? Why can't he just want a quick fuck?

    If you don't want to have sex with him, then don't. If you do, do. But don't have sex with him and then treat him as if he's "using" you, because he ain't.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think its a case of he must be using her because he's a guy, but appears more to be the case that he COULD be using here because he seems to want sex but nothing attached
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dont do it if your not 100% sure its what you want
    friends with benefits is great in theory but it can be hard not to get emotionaly involved and wish they texted you or huged you etc and cared for you
    but its easier than having a boyfriend-saves credit! haha & your less likely to get hurt if you know what your in for
    i wouldnt loose your virginity with one though, that should be with someone special
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