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Just because I've only had one proper gf it doesn't mean that we haven't had rough times that we've needed to work through. And she isn't the only woman I've been with.
A lot of it is common sense though:)
We cleared this up yesterday, and I thought the same as you - ouch.
So I asked what he meant, and you know, nothing is ever clear through msn convos etc, and he said, that it was only over the past few weeks, and he cares about me too much to hurt me more by leading a false thing on his part, ya know?
But I saw the hurt in his eyes yesterday, and he is hurting as much as me.
He said that I still am the most important person in his life, and he just needs time to sort himself out. He said "Lots of people end it, and after a time, they may realise that they are right for eachother. This is a good learning curve for us. If we are meant to be together, we will be again
We had a good day of laughs and whatnot.
Thankyou, Kermit, for understanding. It is better that he did it now - would it be better if he cheated? Or made me feel useless? I dont think so.
I will not wait for him and let it stop me from being with others. We will be friends and if that progresses again, then cool, if not, then I have a good friend
We're getting married at 28 anyway
Thanks everyone
I don't think that in the long term you can be friends- of the handful of friends who've been through the same thing, none of them managed it in the end- and I think that trying to be friends just stops you getting over the end of the relationship.
I'm really worried that you will continue to have sex with him, and I'm really worried that every time he is nice to you you will see it as him wanting to get back to you. I really think that you should completely cut your losses with this boy, cut him out of your life, at least for now, but I do appreciate how hard that is to do.
If you don't what will happen is that you will end up hanging off his every word, waiting for him to realise you were the best. he will continue to have sex with you, but this time without the commitment, and he won't come back to you because he will keep looking until he does find someone else he loves. And then you will be dropped like a hot potato. He isn't going to wake up in six months and decide he hasn't found anyone better, because life isn't like that, he will continue looking until he finds someone else. Either you can realise its over now, or continue to hang off his words until he finds the new girl and finally stops talking to you.
He isn't coming back, I really hope you see that now before you get hurt more.
Do NOT sleep with him again, please. I know what you're trying to do (and I don't mean that in a nasty way) but you are prolonging the agony for yourself and to be honest even if he did have any notion of getting back with you in the future it certainly ain't ever gonna happen while he is getting laid without having to put in any hard yards relationship-wise. He wants to fool around, play the field and keep you as a "friend" in case his plans fall through. I know you have so much shared history and he probably does care for you still, but at this point in time he is no friend of yours. How could he be? You're agreeing to friendship with the vague possibility of something more in the distant future because it's the only option you have; you need to jump out of the passenger seat here and take the wheel because you don't need to be gratefully accepting every crumb of attention and vague hint of feeling that he tosses your way when he feels like it. He ended the relationship when you were happy to continue, and thus has all the power in the dynamic.
So be my friend
And like a marionette on a string
I'll have you close
When I need a fling
It would be very, very sensible to go down the route of absolutely no contact for a good while, though I doubt you will. So as and when you do see him again, know this: if he wants to get some, he can and will say ANYTHING to get you in the sack, even those tender, caring ex-boyfriends/new best friends do it. You can't salvage the relationship by sleeping with him anyway, or by bending at will when he says that things are too intense and he needs to experience new relationships etc. A lot of ex boyfriends will keep you on a string forever and a day as a back up booty call or person to spend time with, but you're worth more than that and I damn well hope you know it. Besides, the only way you could ever hope to get him back is by giving him the time and space to see what he's given up. I hope that if you gave him (and yourself) that much needed time and space of no/limited contact then when it actually came to a point where he decided maybe he did want to give things a second chance, you'd have realised you don't want him back and can move forward in life onto bigger and better things. Whether that would happen or not is debateable, but the only way it is even remotely possible is if you isolate yourself from him for long enough to see that life without him is possible... and more than likely very fulfilling and happy. Don't be a booty call, don't be his friend, don't ask him about the likelihood of a reunion further down the line. Use all the time, energy and money you would have spent on him and squander it on yourself. Pamper yourself, see friends, keep busy, keep your happy memories and try and move on from him. Am I right in thinking he is your first love? Because we all know that first lovers die hardest, but it's possible to move on. I did it, but only after months of pathetically hanging onto every teeny scrap of attention he paid me and wishing in vain for some wonderful reconciliation that never happened. It'll take time for you, too, and you need your friends around you at this time more than ever - especially friends that aren't mutual friends of his - but you'll do it.
"People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar."
If you want to improve your chances of getting together, i'd suggest not sticking on him like a gum on a shoe sole.
He split up with you for a reason, dangling around his neck doesn't help the cause.
Very much agree with this. The friends thing if that works is great! You could have a really good, close friend but it's a very hard thing to do and as this quote says it doesnt help you get over the relationship, especially so soon.
I know the age old advice of just cutting someone out of your life and just walking away is used alot, i know that its something extremely hard to do, especially if you were really close and you care about this person. The temptation to just call or text them is always, always there but it doesn't help. It may for that split second make you feel better but believe me it just makes you feel worse.
I guess no matter how much you love or care about someone, its not worth putting yourself through feeling shit over something that just isnt going to happen at this time. Maybe through not seeing or contacting him, he may start to feel how important you were to him and realise what he's missing, i mean this is rich coming from me ( if i was able to do this i would be much happier
Take care, i know it will take a while but hope things work out
1) Rich would NEVER fuck me around. He would shoot himself before he ever became that person. He's a good guy, and i think that prove it by him ending it now than later with the lack of feelings going on for ages, or him cheating on me.
2) I would not have sex with him to hope to get him back, i know that wouldnt happen, and as above, it wouldnt.
3) The feelings that he told me on MSN were cleared up the next day - ya know how MSN is bad at emotions etc. So I asked, he said that it has only been in the past few weeks that he has been feeling like he didnt love me as much as he should and to end it before he hurt me more.
4) The sex on monday was mutual. He was only prepared to do it if I knew for certain it wasnt going to get him back or screw me up. He was very caring towards me.
Yes, the whole friends thing probably wont work, but I guess we need to try and learn from our own mistakes huh?
thanks again, much appreciated
You will get burned, and burned badly. You say won't have sex with him, but then you have sex with him. You say he's not going to mess you around, but then he messes you around. Not wanting to be patronising but I've seen it a thousand times, I guess this will be a thousand-and-one times. But as you say, its your mistake to make.
I'm sure he was very caring- he's getting the milk without having to buy the cow. Lucky fella.
ETA: I'm not being nasty, I just find it sad that you don't have the self-esteem to write him off as the waste of space that he is. But I do understand why its hard to walk away from so much after such a humiliating dumping.
I asked for advice on what to do in the FIRST place, i was just keeping you all updated
The friendship thing probably wont work, and when that happens you can all say I told you so