If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Any funny sex storys?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,
i have been doing depressing threads lately and its 11.09pm and i got work tomoro early but i just cant sleep! im feeling a little down lately and could do with a laugh.
anyone got any funny stories to tell? anything funny happen to you during sex, or anything odd happen.
doesnt have to be about sex just make me laugh please......:( :crying:
my parents usally phone at the worst time when me and bf are getting it on.... it always happens :yes:
i have been doing depressing threads lately and its 11.09pm and i got work tomoro early but i just cant sleep! im feeling a little down lately and could do with a laugh.
anyone got any funny stories to tell? anything funny happen to you during sex, or anything odd happen.
doesnt have to be about sex just make me laugh please......:( :crying:
my parents usally phone at the worst time when me and bf are getting it on.... it always happens :yes:
0
Comments
actually the first time or 2 i had sex i was soo crap ( but so is everyone really
so there u go kid hope it made u smile my misery is your joy.:p
I don't think neither of us could look each other in the eye...she may have asked me to leave shortly after that :thumb:
Yes I am thesite.org biggest loser...
So Jessie goes off to the kitchen, can't find any so takes up the next best thing. 'Here you are hun, best i can do' says Jessie, to which Clyde turns the light on. And there's Jessie, in the doorway, with his best Dusty Springfield frock on, holding a chip pan
*posted a while ago but thought you'd like it*
Got few more, will post em tomorrow
hahahahahahahahahahahahaahaha
When i was 17, i was crusiing in Brighton, in me leathers as i had a bike, and met this other biker. Tall, bearded, good looking, rather yummy in fact. Anyhoo he says 'Do you want to come back to my place, i've got a playroom ?' So i said yeah, not knowing what a 'playroom' was. (It's a room you have for having sex in, especially if you're into leather/rubber/BDSM etc)
So we gets back to his place and he says 'Go in there (the playroom) i'll be back in a bit'. So in i go, and in hindsight, there was a yale type lock on the door but you needed the key to GET OUT, not in. Anyway this rooms painted black, window boarded up, pentagram on the floor, black candles, sort of an altar at one end, and i'm thinking SHIT SHIT SHIT !
So he comes back in, in flowing black robes, and says 'Get on the altar'. 'Why ?' i says, 'Because i'm going to sacrifice you !' Too which he pulls a knife out of the sleeve of his robe. I spose it was about a foot long (the knife) but to me it looked like some 8 foot Samurai sword, and i just lost it. Started screaming and crying, nearly wet meself
A couple of months pass, and i'm at a party and get chatting to this bloke and he says do you want to come back to my playroom ? I told him in no uncertain terms, no, and proceeded to explain what had happend to me and calling the bloke i'd met a c**t, tosser, wanker, bastard etc several times.
It then dawned on me that the bloke at the party i was talking to, was the guy i met in Brighton, cept he'd shaved his beard off and he hadn't recognised me either. Ooops
Less than half an hour later we'd agreed that mates could have fun and there was no reason we shouldn't have sex (bearing in mind I had just thrown up, how attractive I must have looked) :chin: . Finished and then went to sleep, but the strange boy that he was said he didn't sleep well with two people in a single bed, and it would be rude to make me sleep on the mat on the floor so I should have the bed; and when I offered him his duvet he said no thanks, he'd keep the sleeping bag as it was a personnal thing, bearing in mind we'd just fucked!??!!? :eek2:
Classic!
"a side stench?"
"whatever... hey, go on please" (she didn't move anymore.)
"but you don't have to go on when you are in pain."
"JESUS EFFING CHRIST, please just fuck me, I'm getting flaccid.."
*laughter ensued, mood was killed*
(paraphrased.. it's been a while)
Personally, i got kicked in the nuts during a fumble on the dark.
Not personally but a story i heard from a mate, who wont tell me which of our friends it is that it happened to, is that She took a bloke home with her and got way more then she bargained for. Apparently he had a huge cock and kept her at it all night, like 6 times or more for hours and hours. Then she woke in morning and found she had shit herself, so she got up, washed herself, then rolled him onto her side of the bed into her shit so when he woke up he thought he had done it and left the flat in shame.
probably... come to think of it, a stench is something about smelling I guess....
that sure went quick
hey, cool, can I join in?
:nervous:
Ah, she knew what you were doing and was just being nebby then!
My mother-in-law used to do that. Having to see my hairy arse served her right :razz: