If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
How Uni life is not going well(long)...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just feel the need to let of some steam, anonymously tell some other people just how screwed up my life is getting. Im a single 19 yr old bloke, still a virgin and i'm getting really depressed and lonely. I'm very quite quiet and shy, I'm an only child and I got bullied fairly badly at school untill my sixth form years, I've never really had any girls as friends before, only kissed for the first time a year ago and never really had a proper relationship. I'm a "Nice" bloke but i'm inexperienced and inocent. I havnt been content with my life in a long time, but I distracted myself with other things and kind of told myself things were going to get better when I went Uni. Things havnt. I'm hardly gorgeous, but im not unatractive and i've been told that if I were more confident and less shy then I could pull, but I'm unconfident and shy mainly *because* I havnt pulled, its a viscous cicle that i'm desperate to break out of. I missed out on much of the fun stuff in the early weeks of uni due to trying to get on with my fairly reclusive flatmates, ive recently given up on them and started going out trying to make other friends but its difficult people have already formed their own social circles and stuff, already planned who their moving with next year, ect. The only relationship I have got into while i've been at uni with a girl someone a few years older than me and for a while (scant few days) I was trully happy, she said she wanted to be just friends while we got to know each other better (I think it was due to inexperience and over-eagerness on my part), which I was fine with except one night we were together at a social gathering at a pub and Id been feeling a bit lonely and wanted to talk to her because she could always cheer me up, but she was busy with her some of her friends and I ended getting very drunk and very obviously and embarasingly moping around her, freaking her out, embarasing myself infront of people there and getting Really depresed the next day. Since then I've tried to contact her to apolagise and "sort things out" but only ended up making things worse. Its really bad because I'm still in love with her, and shes a really great person, and I feel really guilty because she was going through a hard time when I met her anyway. If I didnt care so much about her, it wouldnt be a problem but the fact that I do care, and that it's my fault we're not speaking is basically slaughtering any self-confidence I had left.
0
Comments
right ur at uni - which one? Uni opened my eyes to the big world when i arrived last year and it did my self esteem a hell of a lot of good. But it does take effort, a lot of effort. geting to know people from scratch is difficult but everyone is in the same boat and even now there will be plenty of people round uni like u that arestill not happy with their friends.What course are u doing? have u not got any friends on ur course that u can go out with etc? alternatively hav u considered joining a sports team or social group in uni? i found this was a really good way of making friends and gives u some really cool people to go out with (usually)
women thing? mate dont worry about this too much.If she is really ur friend then she'll surely forgive u for being a bit drunk once. just try to make things up to her as best u can. Remember though no matter how hard u try if she doesnt want a relationship with u then nothing u can do will change her mind. Maybe its time to use her as a good friend but look elsewhere?
good luck
If you didn't do things out of the ordinary she'd think you were boring.
Besides I'm sure that there are more fish in the sea (not that I've found many of them yet!). I keep thinking, if you don't ask, you don't get, and thus I can't really complain if I don't get. It's the asking bit that is hard - I'm just hoping that once you've done it a few times it will get easier!
Because I want more stars.
I hope you visit this thread again and get to read all the helpful advice posted, I think it's a positive sign that you can talk about your problems and share them with others. Although I hate to resort to them I think there's an element of truth in cliche's.
A problem shared is a problem halved and nothing matters half as much as you think it does. I hope that doesn't sound too cold or impersonal as the problems you are experiencing are of great importance to you and having a complete stranger, or for that matter a close friend or relatve tell you otherwise is of scant use or consolation!
From my own experience I can say that looking back on similar experiences I also worried about almost identical problems but looking back I was perceiving problems for myself, which didn't actually matter that much, if at all.
As for your relationship problems I'd suggest you apply a principle which I read in The Guardian a couple of weeks ago.
I've just tried to find it but can't - will have to paraphrase.
The basic premise was that when you watch films what you are actually seeing is a series of 24 frames (i.e. still photo's) speeded up to make 1 second of film - the moving image. Your eye/brain deceives you into believing that you are watching a moving image. Film directors decide what, who, how, when, where and why thy want in their films and direct the course of events. Although more articulately expressed, the gist of this advice was that you are the film director of your own life. You decide what you want in your film, where it's to be set what you are going to become etc. Go and make your own film - make the things happen. This metaphor really appealed to me and I hope it is helpful to you.
bambino.
if the girl you had an argument is a real friend she will forgive you in due time trust me alot of people do alot of stupid things after consuming too much alcohol. wat uni are you at? a good way of making new friends is maybe joining some socities of what your interests are. i know it cant be easy being quiet and shy but if you make an effort i sure you will make some friends. i really hope things work out for u.
xxx
im going 2 uni next yr, and im really scared that i wont make any friends becuase i am really shy and i dont knw how to talk to people <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/flowerface.gif">
I'm in the same situation. I'm a 20 year old virgin. I have had very little luck with women, but frankly I haven't been trying to pull, I've just been waiting for Miss Right to come along.
This year I have joined a bunch of student societies, so I might find a girl with the same likes as me.
In the meantime, its nice to know I'm not the only man in the world with no girlfreind.
If at first you don't succeed, hit it with a bigger hammer.