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My dad's possibly found someone

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Y'okej...i'm sttuuuuuuuuck.

my dad's pretty much found someone, and i'm really really doing my best to avoid facing the problem!

when my mum ran off with some fat fuckwit (from all descriptions), i refused to meet him and, 12 months on (exactly, come to think of it!), i still haven't met him. the same thing, pretty much, goes for this woman.

personally, my idea plan would be to remain in splending isolation (about this and about my mum's "friend"), until i finish school (only another year!!!) then just fuck off, go see my aunt or my grandmum in barbados for a few months, move around europe, get work and subsist for a while, get out of my family until i hafta go to uni, then go to uni for 3 years (only coming back to be polite) and the go live my own life!!

well, it's a nice plan, innit?

Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ((((((Turtle))))))

    Since my parents are still together I don't really know what it's like to be in your situation, and I also only know what you've written there about your situation in the first place, so if I say something dumb please don't be mad!

    This is just something to think about, but you've obviously developed a dislike to these people just for being with your mum and dad, rather than because they're horrible people or you just don't get on with them.

    And maybe if you got to know them you'd find they weren't as bad as you're thinking, after all they're making your mum and dad happy and if you love them then you should in theory be happy for them.....

    But I can understand that it's difficult for you to cope with this, and I wish you all the luck in the world with whatever happens.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanx wildchild. Yeah, what u say makes perfect sense and is perfectly valid. Unfortunately, in this situation i've become completely irrational. I know, in my mind, everything ur saying is completley right, but however much i try to rationalise it, i end up imagining them with my mum or dad, and i think "fuck them, i don't wanna see em". and i get stuck at that. prob is, no matter what u all say i'm completeyly irrational - a bit pointless posting this wasn't it? hey, like pretty much everything in my life at the moment.

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    (((((turtle))))))

    you can't just run away from every problem that arises or every situation that you don't like.

    You have to face up to whats going to happen, its going to happen whtehr you like it or not, and u cna't just shut yourself away from it, because you are shuttin out important people in your life and s'not good. you can't just cut family members out of ur life when they do something you don't like.

    Divorce is shit, yes been there, done that, got the emotional scars, but you have to try and accept that your parents are people too, and they are going to want lives of their own. @ first i thought both my parents new peeps were complete fuckwits, but when you take the time to get to know them, you find out they can actually be pretty decent poeple, and are not directly out to screw up your life.

    So give it a chance.

    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Drifter:
    (((((turtle))))))

    you can't just run away from every problem that arises or every situation that you don't like.

    i don't. just this one. the rest, i accept but i don't like at all.

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Turtle:

    my dad's pretty much found someone, and i'm really really doing my best to avoid facing the problem!


    Please don't let it be a problem Turtle, wildchild has put it so well.

    Try to be happy for your Dad. You could explain to him that it hurts, but you'll try your best. He may try to be more sensitive towards how you feel if you do that.

    {{{{{{Turtle}}}}}}

    j9

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Turtlaaaaa

    I've already told you all what I think, so I'm not gonna through it all again, but I really agree with what Drifter said. I do think you need to face up to this problem, however much you don't want to even thought its really hard.

    We're all here for you <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have not been in the situtation so I'm sorry if what I say seems blinkered.

    I think the feelings you habour are natural reactions to the breakdown in the relationship with your parents and am sorry you've been hurt so badly. I think your grief is natural, and wonder if you can get some counselling to help you address the issues that have hurt you so badly, as someone said you can't run from issues and certainly can't bottle them up. I'm sure everyone here wishes you the best of luck and warmest wishes and hope we can help if u need it.

    Persil

    "Children are like washing powders, some are biological, some are non-biological" ~David Badiel~
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my mum & dad splitting was the best think ever.
    but when my dad got himself a 'woman' i was so angry, well, i think i had the rt at the time, as he had bin with her 4 8mts and she turned up on our holiday with a few hrs warning! i couldnt believe it, wot a bitch.
    then i got irrational and so so so pissed off i got my mum 2 cum & get me. then i never saw here 4 1 1/2 yrs, and my relationship with my dad was worse than usual, then he moved house end of last yr, and in feb had a house warming party, so i met her again and her 2 sons (19 & 21). and i was so pissed i just let it b, then the nxt day we were a bit wary of eachother but ok.
    i think that no matter wot i say or do he wont even consider it, he never has.
    mayb its also easier 4 me as he lives 200miles away and i only c him bout 4 x's a yr, if that.
    but my mum gettin a man is totally outta the q, they carnt b trusted.
    just let him b, he'll eventually realise wot he's done 2 u, and how upset uve bin. i hope things r goin ok though.
    ive realised men arnt worth it, even if he is ur father.
    H.xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow, that went down well...just um..."talked" to him about it (talked here means we didn't QUITE break the windows). He can't see it from my point of view, yet claims to have been thru it all himself (in the sense that his parents got divorced when he was 10). Neither my mum or dad seem to understand my position, they can't fucking grasp how hard it is for me to see them (or even think about htem) with someone.

    Am I being so incredibly selfish and unreasonable, or are all the adults I talk to just complete fucking tossers?

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    (((((turtle)))))

    talkings the hardest part <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    he probably does know what your going thru if he's bin thru it himself, he probably knows how u r feeling, but isn't going to let it stand in the way of his chance of happiness. he knows if it happens, you will have to deal with it, and eventually come around, like he had to and like everyone else whos parents get divorced have to.

    You arent being selfish, its completely natural to feel that way, and he's not being a tosser, he just wants to be happy. I think if u continue to talk about it, it will get easier.

    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dude. this is terrible. i'm sorry.

    i disagree with drifter though. i think u r begin selfish, but you're totally allowed because that's what you feel and you can't just turn that on and off.

    i don't think you are being unreasonable though. this is something you never wanted and you don't want to accept that these changes have happened. you have a right to be angry and upset with that.

    what you don't have is a right to interfere with your parents' lives. i get the impression ur attitude towards their new significant others hurts them. out of respect for your parents, you could try being civil when you're around them. just let mom and dad know ur not ready to accept them yet or maybe ever and leave it at that. also let them know that they have no right to expect more than civility from you.

    all i'm saying is that, no matter what you're feeling now towards them, they are your parents, and you never really want to lose them. i think you'll regret it later in life if you do.

    so let them chase their happiness and you chase yours. be safe in the knowledge that very soon, you'll be out of there and won't have to deal with them very much for a few years <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    good luck dude.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Turtle:
    Wow, that went down well...just um..."talked" to him about it (talked here means we didn't QUITE break the windows). He can't see it from my point of view, yet claims to have been thru it all himself (in the sense that his parents got divorced when he was 10). Neither my mum or dad seem to understand my position, they can't fucking grasp how hard it is for me to see them (or even think about htem) with someone.

    Am I being so incredibly selfish and unreasonable, or are all the adults I talk to just complete fucking tossers?


    {{{{{{{{Turtle}}}}}}}}

    It's not being selfish to want to be understood. Sorry Turtles Dad, but u gotta listen to your son m8.

    j9




    A wise man is always happy to be corrected
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well i went through exactly the same thing- I dindt want to meet my dads new girlfriend! but after loads of persuasion on his part I did and believe it or not she is really nice and we have loads in common, and after this ive found it easier to speak to my mums boyfriend
    Just try it and itll work
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Snoop*Frogg:
    Well i went through exactly the same thing- I dindt want to meet my dads new girlfriend! but after loads of persuasion on his part I did and believe it or not she is really nice and we have loads in common, and after this ive found it easier to speak to my mums boyfriend
    Just try it and itll work
    nice to know there is osmeone else in my situation. i might take ur advice, but it will take a lot of fighting and persuasion..

    she's coming over on thurs night, will prob stayt he night, might accidentally bump into her in the morning. fuck them and the horse they rode in on!!!!!1


    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
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