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Methamphetamine
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello, My name is Killing, and I'm addicted to Methamphetamine, again.
If you all remember, I decided to put down the drugs a while back. I put everything drug related into a bag and threw it out! Speed, some opiates, pipes, an array of other pills, even all my tobacco! I was determined!
I stayed clean for a pretty long time... I fell through once, and ended up 'snuffing some meth and then IVing some more. I've always had a problem with methamphetamine... Two summers ago I was heavily addicted...
Well I found myself the next morning, and pulled myself back together, I managed to stay clean again for a while... Until...
I've been diagnosed with ADD. Been medicated since 2nd grade. My precription was up to 30mgs of Dexedrine(d-amp) two times a day. It caused some pretty serious depression, so I asked the doctor to switch me. We tried everything, strattera, wellbutrin, provigil, adderall (again), Concerta/ritalin (again)... Nothing worked. He brought up Desoxyn. I was in shock! At first I was thrilled! Desoxyephedrine! METHAMPHETAMINE! But as I walked out with the Desoxyn precription in my hands I had my doubts. As pusher described it, I had a prescription for temptation. Desoxyn had been treating me well. Lower dosages meant less side effects and more good effects. Either way you look at it though, I still had methamphetamine, be it in an orange bottle or a baggie. I started dosing higher and higher every day. You all know the route of "self-medication". After taking a lot of these pills orally, I decided 'snuffing them would be better. I found less side effects if I snorted them. Then I went back to IVing... Everythign is back. the binges, the paranoia... If one word describeds a methamphetamine addiction, it's gaunt. Skinny, empty, lonely, depressed. My arms are yellolw and purple... Yuck!
I don't know what to do though, I need medication to focus. It's my senior year in High School, I'm applying to colleges, and need to get very good grades for at least the first semester! Any suggestions guys? I plan to quit my recreational use, it's just so damned hard when you have the precription bottle standing right in front of you... the letters screaming out at you... DESOXYEPHEDRINE 5mg.
If you all remember, I decided to put down the drugs a while back. I put everything drug related into a bag and threw it out! Speed, some opiates, pipes, an array of other pills, even all my tobacco! I was determined!
I stayed clean for a pretty long time... I fell through once, and ended up 'snuffing some meth and then IVing some more. I've always had a problem with methamphetamine... Two summers ago I was heavily addicted...
Well I found myself the next morning, and pulled myself back together, I managed to stay clean again for a while... Until...
I've been diagnosed with ADD. Been medicated since 2nd grade. My precription was up to 30mgs of Dexedrine(d-amp) two times a day. It caused some pretty serious depression, so I asked the doctor to switch me. We tried everything, strattera, wellbutrin, provigil, adderall (again), Concerta/ritalin (again)... Nothing worked. He brought up Desoxyn. I was in shock! At first I was thrilled! Desoxyephedrine! METHAMPHETAMINE! But as I walked out with the Desoxyn precription in my hands I had my doubts. As pusher described it, I had a prescription for temptation. Desoxyn had been treating me well. Lower dosages meant less side effects and more good effects. Either way you look at it though, I still had methamphetamine, be it in an orange bottle or a baggie. I started dosing higher and higher every day. You all know the route of "self-medication". After taking a lot of these pills orally, I decided 'snuffing them would be better. I found less side effects if I snorted them. Then I went back to IVing... Everythign is back. the binges, the paranoia... If one word describeds a methamphetamine addiction, it's gaunt. Skinny, empty, lonely, depressed. My arms are yellolw and purple... Yuck!
I don't know what to do though, I need medication to focus. It's my senior year in High School, I'm applying to colleges, and need to get very good grades for at least the first semester! Any suggestions guys? I plan to quit my recreational use, it's just so damned hard when you have the precription bottle standing right in front of you... the letters screaming out at you... DESOXYEPHEDRINE 5mg.
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Comments
Bump.
Could you be moved onto dex instead?
I've been good so far, not abusing it at least, since i posted. We'll see how it goes. I'd hate to talk to my doctor, because he'd set me up on Strattera, which isn't even a stimulant, and hasn't worked for me before.
I think I'm going to just try to fight it, can't turn down a good fight..
Thanks budda for the advice though, I suppose this thread is more of a rant now, haha. Thanks though
Ladyjade - I know. I just don't want to be labeled as an addict by all my doctors and such! I'm plannig on bringing it up with my therapist if it gets out of hand though.
That said, I don't really believe that there is one right answer for you. All I can tell you is what I do to control my addictions. That is, forcing yourself to focus on the negative aspects and physical harm forthcoming to your body. In my case, I have refrained from picking up my habit of casual cocaine use as I now have a mild reaction to it. Even if someone offers me a line I try to imagine the worst case scenario, telling myself "this will turn out to be more than 1 line if I get started" and over and over in my head reiterating the fact that that "mild" reaction" could turn into a "serious" reaction in a matter of seconds. The same, of course, goes for any stimulant; no one plans on getting a heart attack from a meth overdose. The other thing I ask myself is "ok, at this rate, how bad will my health be in 5 years?" There's always sometime or another when a drug user tells themself that the amount of substance used will only be taken to that extent for a certain weekend, but lo and behold, that ends up carrying just a weeee bit over into Monday...then Tuesday, Wednesday and so forth.
You've heard this a thousand times, I'm sure, but sometimes you just need to hear it again. David Toma, a worldwide anti-drug activist once told me that he met a man that had been clean for over two decades but still drove nearly TWO HOURS twice a week to and from a support centre for drug support group meetings. He asked him "Why do you still do go to these meetings if you're clean?", to which he simply replied "because I need to hear it." I don't know, this story, simple as it may be has just always sort of stuck with me, and because of this I go to a meeting once a week every week myself. So, I suppose I'm just saying that a support group is a relatively private way of helping your addiction. I know I feel a lot better just talking about it, even if it may be uncomfortable at times. But doesn't it help, even discussing it here on an online message board? If it does, even just slightly, don't stop.
I don't know...whatever works for you, anything at all that helps, do it. That's all I can tell you. I'm not your neighbour, so I can't walk through Mr. Jefferson's dandelion patch to give you a ring and check up on you. Nor am I your mother or father, and have no right to ask you the tough questions they may. It's up to you, and you alone to stop. But you have to want it, and I know all too well...that's the hardest part about it.
Just know that you have friends here that support you all the way and care about you.
Keep on fightin', man!:thumb:
Pusher, I can't tell you how helpful you are, thank you. It's good to hear from you too! It's been a while, I miss our talks, haha. That's good advice, I've never thought of the consequenses of using to keep me from using. Thanks again!
Anyways, I've been clean still. I feel like this is just always going to be something I have to keep a super close eye on, more than a serious I'm-in-way-over-my-head-addiction. I think I just got a little scared and jumped to the "addiction" conclusion too quickly. It was certainly easier to get off it this time than it was last time... I have a problem with methamphetamine, but a currect addiction? I suppose not.
Anyways, thank you guys for being there for me. That's the thing I love about these boards - the seriousness and friendliness of them. I can't thank you all enough.
Yes, I knew all of that, but under these circumstances I am PISSED, and thus I would still like to drink very, very much. It's fucking killing me, right now as I'm typing this, right this second. I just logged in and saw your new post about refraining from doing so and thought about what a good-for-nothing hipocrite I would be for saying all of that to you and then turning around and doing shit myself just a few days later. But I won't lie; yes, even considering all that I still want a fucking drink to forget everything.
Sometimes I think about how it's pointless because all the pain will come back in a few hours, so I ask myself "why even bother, then?" But then it just pisses me off even MORE knowing that it won't really help at all, which makes me want to forget all this shit even stronger! Dammit.
Sorry to be somewhat off topic, but when I do get urges like this, they're HARD, man. Just wanted to let you know I know what you're going through. Always easier suffering with a bro, right?:thumb: