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boys:why do u ignore us wen with u're mates?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
can all you guys out there tell me why you are really nice to us girls wen not with your mates, but as soon as you see them or you are with them you ignore us as if we are not there. i would really like to know as it has been happnin' 2 me l8ly and i would like to know y u do it.

please help me.

from hannahum

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    machoism. I know I do it, and I think to myself while I'm doing it "maybe I should just be really nice". but usually i keep on being a typical male.

    on the times when I'm really nice, I get the piss taken out of me by my mates. can't please everyone.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I find that when I'm with my m8s I take dont ignore them I just take the piss outta girls a lot more, when I'm alone with girls I dont so much, just chat... but if I'm alone with a m8 I'll take the piss loads outta them still.

    Dunno y it is, just happens, mosta my m8s if they got g/f's or r trying to pull have to ask me not to take the piss outta there girls, n I can do it if I try. But think when ur with m8s u just dont care as much as if ur with jus em
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I take the piss out of the girls in my class around my mates and the girls do the same with me. We just have a laugh. I wouldn't ignore them. But I don't have a girlfriend so I wouldn't know what the situation would be like with my mates.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Unfortunately apart from ignoring girls and taking a piss out of us, all of the nicest lads I know turn into real pricks when the're in a gang of their mates :-(
    They get totally shit-faced and become simply disgusting. WHY? Is this to show that famous macho thing? Well, it only turns the girls off. Now you know :-)
    Sadly in my case it often goes out of control, I'm talking of things like verbal abuse and stuff, so it's kinda upsetting.
    I know there are a lot of wankers out there, but please, nice lads, stay cool even if you are with your mates.


    [This message has been edited by Anele (edited 22-11-2000).]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't ignore women when i'm with my friends,
    this is mostly due to the fact that most of my friends are female
    I find them less crude, more intelligent, and more sympathetic when you have problems
    they suggest real aswers that help rather than just go out get plastered and get laid which seems to be most blokes answer to everything
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Peter,

    I think you sound like a nice guy. I really wish I could get a guy as nice as you.

    Love always,
    Jessica
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by hannahum:
    can all you guys out there tell me why you are really nice to us girls wen not with your mates, but as soon as you see them or you are with them you ignore us as if we are not there.

    I don't do that, if there are nice girls, and also my mates, I try and get everyone on the same buzz. You should try and meet some decent blokes. Are these geezers from ur school? Try meeting blokes you don't go to school with, cos when I was at school, i s'pose i kept my girlfriends seperate from my mates, different buzz if you know what i mean, the lads don't always understand why their masculine-buddy has other commitments.

    Anyways, hope it goes A-OK

    L8ers

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not quite sure about this one, I've seen it happen soooooo many times - virtually no blokes ever mean to, it just seems to happen accidentally. I think sometimes it's that boys (who tend to act very differently with their girlfriends than their m8es) don't know how to mix the two types of conversation and include their girlfriends, whereas girls seem to be better at holding more different types of conversation and including people when they want to.

    I think that men choose the 'blokey' conversation style because most men (mentally) define their standing not by how a group sees them interacting with women, but how a group sees them interacting with other men. In other words, I think men feel they have to compete and interact with other men socially in order to feel part of their society. And often I think men take their girlfriends attentions and approval for granted in those kinds of situations.

    I can't prove any of this obviously, I'm sure someone will disagree with me about this. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    thats an interesting theory and way of looking at it JB. when i first read this post i didnt think it applied to me, although i knew what was meant with blokes in my school in the past. but after a conversation earlier, i realised my boyfriend even ignores me when we're with his mates too. not that i ever get to see his mates, know their names even, in over 16 months of being together. only met a couple, one who's my friend's boyf anyway, and another one, and a very annoying girl who is his best friend. and a girl we met in the town who he didnt even introduce me to and who then ignored me as well, and 2 blokes at the train station who talked to him and ignored me, and everyone we meet i have to ask himlater who they were coz he just doesnt bother including me and acts like im just a statue when ever we see his friends. ive talked about this to him before, he denies he doesnt introduce me. what does he think i am, stupid??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds to me like he's being a bit lazy and selfish (not necessarily deliberately) and doesn't want to admit it to himself or you. Have a go at him and tell him how you feel - that should do the trick <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">. Next time he does it, point it out straight away so he can't pretend it didn't happen. Make him feel how upset you are and he'll probably apologise and try harder next time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I think it's more girls making such a big deal outta it to be honest, blokes dont c it as that big a thing so dont make special effort.
    My best m8 n his long term g/f now alwyas laff at when he introduced her to me, cos she thought it was a real big thing n I had just laughed n walked off, not thinking n e thing of it, till when we started talking bout it, n my m8 said she was real upset.

    But I had things to do n meeting my m8s bird wernt that important at the time to me but it was to her.
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    i think girls just want to feel accepted by their boyfriends mates. if they then go and ignore them (like daze did!), it just seems like maybe they dont like you and its like a rejection. i think its just a self esteem thing maybe, that all girls seem to have! if any of my friends introduce me totheir boyfriend, im always friendly even if i dotn really like them (i can change later!!) because i know its important to them, youdont have to become best m8s with them, just be friendly. thats what i think anyway.
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