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Trusting your girl

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
You have a girl and she tells you she is going out with her friends for the night. No problem there. This then becomes going out with one guy she is friends with, not as good but fair enough if they are friends. This then becomes going out with him, staying at his place, in student halls, in his bed with him, just the two of them alone.

Now, do you have the right to question her, if she has made it clear things are casual, the guy has a girlfriend she is friends with, the guy is her best guy-friend, he has cheated on his girlfriend loads, he has gotten off with your girl before and he has made it clear he wants to have sex with her?

I didnt have the trust and now, she is pissed off with me...and also that fact she couldnt go out in the end for some reason, but she places all her anger on me for not trusting her, thinking so low of her that she could ever possibly cheat and basically told me she is angrier with me then she ever thought she could be...I think i had a right to be wary about it all.

Was i wrong and does she have a right to be this pissed off and not talking to me? Should i leave her to cool off or try to talk to her today about it?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you dont trust her, whats the point?

    BUT, saying that, I am in a relationship and I have one particulary close male friend, whom I have known for years, out of pure respect for my fiance, I would NEVER sleep in the same bed as another man, friends or not and I certainly wouldnt expect my fella to be ok with it

    I think it shows a total lack of resepct, and I think you should tell her that

    Ask how she would feel if it were the other way round!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bullseye wrote:
    This then becomes going out with him, staying at his place, in student halls, in his bed with him, just the two of them alone.

    If a girl thinks it's alright to sleep in the same bed as another guy whilst they have a boyfriend, you need to get rid. NOW!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Museman wrote:
    If a girl thinks it's alright to sleep in the same bed as another guy whilst they have a boyfriend, you need to get rid. NOW!!
    yep its out of order and she shouldn't do it out of respect for you -especially when the guy has made it clear he wants to have sex with her! it would also worry me why shes so defensive/angry about it and making you out to be the bad person.


    this isn't the same girl as you used to see is it? who you couldn't trust?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bullseye wrote:
    You have a girl and she tells you she is going out with her friends for the night. No problem there. This then becomes going out with one guy she is friends with, not as good but fair enough if they are friends. This then becomes going out with him, staying at his place, in student halls, in his bed with him, just the two of them alone.

    Now, do you have the right to question her, if she has made it clear things are casual, the guy has a girlfriend she is friends with, the guy is her best guy-friend, he has cheated on his girlfriend loads, he has gotten off with your girl before and he has made it clear he wants to have sex with her?

    I didnt have the trust and now, she is pissed off with me...and also that fact she couldnt go out in the end for some reason, but she places all her anger on me for not trusting her, thinking so low of her that she could ever possibly cheat and basically told me she is angrier with me then she ever thought she could be...I think i had a right to be wary about it all.

    Was i wrong and does she have a right to be this pissed off and not talking to me? Should i leave her to cool off or try to talk to her today about it?

    I think youd be nuts and a complete mug if you WERENT questioning it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is a lack of trust, then there is someone clearly taking the piss - this falls into the latter.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MattLiverpool wrote:
    I would tell her straight off if she wants to be with me and wants me to trust her she can't put a fucking HAIR out of place.

    It even sounds as if she is acting like she is offloading guilt onto you by saying SHE is angry with you.

    If it was me i'd keep her sidelined, spend my time elsewhere with my "female friends" and come to her when I needed a warm bed aka sex. She may actually find more respect for you that way.

    What's the point? You don't fight fire with fire. Either leave her or try to change that, i.e. have a talk with her that it's respectless and not ok, but that sounds as if you try to "pay her back".
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are degrees of behaviour- I'd be happy with that until you said she'd be sharing a bed. That's a huge no-no, I'm a very trusting guy but there'd be hell to pay if the missus did that.

    It sounds like she's trying to be aggressive and angry to hide something. She's taking the piss out of you, mate, tell her to fuck off if she's gonna be like that. Especially as "casual" means "use you until something better turns up".
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    this isn't the same girl as you used to see is it? who you couldn't trust?

    Nah, seeing a new girl, but this one i have known for a fair while before we started seeing each other.

    I think you are all right, but it's the fact she says, things like, "When we are casual you (me) get arsey if there is someone else. But when i am being faitful you don't trust me!"

    Now, i trust her through a lot, but she is angrier then she has ever been since she known me over this and all i did was tell her i didnt like her sharing a bed of a guy who has made it clear he wants to shag her.

    Also, i didnt know she was been faithful as she always points out we are casual...so what am i suppose to think. If she hasnt changed her tune next time i speak to her, then i am going to tell her even the most trusting guy on Earth would question her after what she told me she was doing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bullseye wrote:
    Now, i trust her through a lot, but she is angrier then she has ever been since she known me over this and all i did was tell her i didnt like her sharing a bed of a guy who has made it clear he wants to shag her.

    I don't blame you! I think that's well out of order. Even if she didn't cheat, you should be the one mad at her for being so brazen and thoughtless!

    I have close male friends, and I would expect my other half to trust me enough to go stay with them, should I want to, but I wouldn't sleep in the same ROOM as them, let alone the same bed. I just think it's rude.

    Sounds to me like she is getting all defensive about this because she is in the wrong and she knows it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It does not matter if she's fucking that guy.

    She is a girl in a relationship and SHOULD NOT SHARE THE BED WITH ANY OTHER MALE, regardless what they do.

    If she can't accept it, you know what you gotta do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have one really close, male friend that I'd go and stay with - and if I did I'd share a room with him, but I wouldn't share a bed with him. I've done it with male friends (usually him on top of the covers, me underneath or vice versa, both of us fully clothed) when I've been single, but I'd never do it if I had a boyfriend.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my boyfriend has close female friends that hes known for years an that nothing has ever happened with, they did stop over at his house but never in his bed, an to be fair since ive been with him hes never had them stop. like people have said its not a trust issue its a respect issue and shes seriously taking the piss
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    alasia wrote:
    I have one really close, male friend that I'd go and stay with - and if I did I'd share a room with him, but I wouldn't share a bed with him. I've done it with male friends (usually him on top of the covers, me underneath or vice versa, both of us fully clothed) when I've been single, but I'd never do it if I had a boyfriend.

    I don't see the big deal. We used to share bed on our school project weeks (it was a special one tho, without teachers, but still everyday driving to school). Under covers ( ;) ), and just with tees and boxers. Noone ever hooked up or was otherwise distinctive interested in the other one...

    yeah, yeah... I know, I am weird, austria is weird...
    (ofc everyone single as well)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Unbelievable!!!

    She litterally just fucking said, "You don't trust me and that all there is to it...besides you are not even my boyfriend anymore so i dont care."

    She fucking ended it because i didnt trust her, when she was the one who decided to share a bed with another guy after a long drunk night out during Freshers week! How Fucking Unbelievable!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bullseye wrote:
    She fucking ended it because i didnt trust her,
    actually it sounds like that was an excuse to end it.

    eta: i think this because she refers to you as 'casual', shows a total disregard for your feelings and she doesn't respect you. these are not the signs of a girl who likes you and wants to be with you. she got mad at you when she was in the wrong and then flippantly dumped you. please please don't try and get back with this girl or talk things over because she doesn't give a shit and you could better.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    actually it sounds like that was an excuse to end it.
    :yes: I think if someone's going to cheat, there's not much you can do about it really. At least by being trusting, you end up with your credibility intact, and they have no excuses.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bullseye wrote:
    Unbelievable!!!

    She litterally just fucking said, "You don't trust me and that all there is to it...besides you are not even my boyfriend anymore so i dont care."

    She fucking ended it because i didnt trust her, when she was the one who decided to share a bed with another guy after a long drunk night out during Freshers week! How Fucking Unbelievable!!!

    Wait till she comes crying back asking you to be friends.
    Then slam the door on her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What she means is "I cant believe youre even questioning the fact that I sleep with my guy mate behind your back, youre sooo unreasonable"
    Youre well shot of her IMO.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MattLiverpool wrote:
    I would tell her straight off if she wants to be with me and wants me to trust her she can't put a fucking HAIR out of place.

    It even sounds as if she is acting like she is offloading guilt onto you by saying SHE is angry with you.

    If it was me i'd keep her sidelined, spend my time elsewhere with my "female friends" and come to her when I needed a warm bed aka sex. She may actually find more respect for you that way.
    You're mental.

    OP, she was looking for an excuse, sounds like a bit of a gutless coward to me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MattLiverpool wrote:
    I would tell her straight off if she wants to be with me and wants me to trust her she can't put a fucking HAIR out of place.

    It even sounds as if she is acting like she is offloading guilt onto you by saying SHE is angry with you.

    If it was me i'd keep her sidelined, spend my time elsewhere with my "female friends" and come to her when I needed a warm bed aka sex. She may actually find more respect for you that way.

    You do realise that if someone was to do that, it'd make them as BAD as this girl Bullseye is talking about?:rolleyes:

    And why would you want to stoop down to her level?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MattLiverpool wrote:
    She may actually find more respect for you that way.

    As Sofie and FIend have already said, no no no - surely 'that way' would make the situation spiral so that they'd disrespect each other even more?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bullseye wrote:
    if she has made it clear things are casual
    Casual only works if both of you agree to having things that way.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    actually it sounds like that was an excuse to end it.

    eta: i think this because she refers to you as 'casual', shows a total disregard for your feelings and she doesn't respect you. these are not the signs of a girl who likes you and wants to be with you. she got mad at you when she was in the wrong and then flippantly dumped you. please please don't try and get back with this girl or talk things over because she doesn't give a shit and you could better.

    I agree with all of this :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good riddance!

    Just out of interest, you mention she's recently had a Freshers' Week; are you at the same uni?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MattLiverpool wrote:
    lol get real, she's not interested in talking.

    I would do it because I WANTED to, not to pay her back.

    yea, we realized now that she does not want to talk, but you stated, you'd do that BEFORE you even tried to find a solution...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am done with "Casual" from now on!
    First of all, it doesnt work for me.
    Second of all, the girl never says it is casual until they are pissed off and we are arguing!
    Too much crap for me, singledom for a while i think...
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