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Friends and lovers
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
...or boyfriends/girlfriends and their/your friends.
Just been having a little think about the social dynamics I've found myself in with boyfriends in the past, and wondering what other people's situations are/have been/would usually be with regard to your/their/mutual friends, socialising and general stuff like that. Yes, basically I am very nosy and bored
Do/did you have a lot of the same friends from either meeting through mutual friends, the relationship developing from friendship or just the fact that you all get on like a house on fire? Or do you always feel like ______'s boyfriend/girlfriend when you're out or in together, rather than a person or one of the gang in your own right? Do you socialise completely seperately? (I've known couples to do that and can't get my head around it, so if anyone does I'd be intruiged to know how that works). Are their mates a big deal in your relationship or couldn't you care less?
It's like 20 questions
Just been having a little think about the social dynamics I've found myself in with boyfriends in the past, and wondering what other people's situations are/have been/would usually be with regard to your/their/mutual friends, socialising and general stuff like that. Yes, basically I am very nosy and bored
Do/did you have a lot of the same friends from either meeting through mutual friends, the relationship developing from friendship or just the fact that you all get on like a house on fire? Or do you always feel like ______'s boyfriend/girlfriend when you're out or in together, rather than a person or one of the gang in your own right? Do you socialise completely seperately? (I've known couples to do that and can't get my head around it, so if anyone does I'd be intruiged to know how that works). Are their mates a big deal in your relationship or couldn't you care less?
It's like 20 questions
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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I made a really big effort with his friends and the girls made me feel part of them but the boys made me feel like I was just his other half. They all have a similar sort of humour and are quite laddish and I'm not hugely girly so we got on ok. Whenever he came out with my friends (he only did this about 3 times over the whole 2 years we were together) he criticised and decided outright he didn't like them. He didn't make any effort with them. I always said positive things about his friends - most the time they were immature, childish and played dangerous games with their cars etc...my friends really like him but he always ran them into the ground and mine are quieter - prefer to have house parties, chat etc...
I think in a relationship it's important to get on with their mates. I've had previous bf's where we had the same friends so it was easier in the relationship but harder when it broke up. Having my friends seperate from his meant I went out and spent time with just them as appose to cuddling up to my bf all night. But I went to so many parties where he'd introduce me to people, then leave me half the night awkwardly trying to have convo's with complete strangers who couldn't be bothered with me, that was harder. When I introduced him to my mates, I stuck around so he'd be comfortable and had to make double the effort with his mates.
ANYWAY that's my rant!
in the past though i have felt lke the only reason a bf's friends talk to me are bcos im his g.f!
I do love a good rant :thumb:
My current boyfriend and I have pretty much all the same mates, and our flat is like Byker Grove for 30 year olds but it's cool. We all go out together, stay in together and have a pretty good laugh but despite having known them all for years I do sometimes feel like "wor lass". It's weird, but I guess it's because I've transitioned from being everyone's mate to his girlfriend and invitations out are addressed as "what are you two doing?" rather than being individuals. It doesn't bother me, as such, but it's a change I've really noticed :chin:
I have a few best mates (male and female) who I generally see/go out with alone, but I think that's a lot to do with the fact that we're younger than him. I also like (and often prefer) to see my girlyfriends on an individual basis or in little groups of two or three for "girl time", whereas he and a couple of mates or the entire group will go out if it's a "lads night". I guess, again, that's pretty standard.
He mainly has lads for mates, but when I did meet some of the girls they seemed nice, 2 in particular took me under their wing and we had a really nice time.
I dont think he feels like he is best mates with any of my friends, but they all seem to like him. The same applies though, he doesnt see them all that much, so it would be a bit odd if he was all pally pally with them.
I have had a few fellas where I have been mates with both him and their mates, and also had exes that I have become good mates with his mates, so much so, that I am still in touch with them even after a break up!
I dont know if any of this post makes any sense, but i tried, so can I at least have a gold star and 9/10 for effort please?
My girlfriend should be getting along with my friends. To a degree, that I can play tablefootball, or N64 at their place and she can socialize with them on her own, and doesn't need me standing all the time by her side. Bonuspoints if I get along with her friends too, because when they are mainly female, we could lay those friendcircles together, seeing most of my friends are single (well actually not, but in wobbly relationships).
I enjoy going out in bigger peers. you can always seperate yourself a bit from the crowd, but I am usually bored when going out as two to a pub/club, whatever. a friendcircle around the relationship is muy importante- for me.
Of course, when going out at evening, I can split up from her as well, and don't need to stick to her like glue. I hate it, when I am having convo with an interesting girl and her boyfriend basically sits on her lap, and listening to every word even tho he's not that interested. When we sit down I ofc would want to sit beside her... I think you get the image.
@maltester monkey: It might sound stupid, but many of the guys would have behave different if you weren't together with this guy (your ex). Some see a girl that has a good mate of them as boyfriend as a no-no area.
Now, my friends on the other hand... one who is not my friend but you cant get away type - they HATE eachother. She's just a bitch and he hates her coz of the type of person she is and what she's done to me.
The other few are ok with him.
My best friend is cool with him, so are 3 of my other close friends, but we dont usually hang out.
My friend Amanda's bf, I consider him one of the gang when hanging, and she does for Rich too. Everyone else, generally dont have bfs, but when they do, we dont really hang/is just ________ bf.
Hope that all made sense
My friends are mainly seperate although he gets on fine with them but i dont have many friends i actually go out with, apart from one friend that weve made mutually since weve been together.
I guess it depends how you met your partner too. If you met through friends, then it stands to reason youre gonna hang around with the same group.
Every time I know there's going to be a girl coming aloing with us, I invite her down, although whether she takes me up on that is another matter...
There are actually friends of hers, quite good friends, that i've never met, which is really odd seeing as we've been together for quite a while (about 20 months or so). Maybe she's ashamed of me! :rolleyes:
The right balance for me would ideally be where you can spend some time with each others friends and some time on your own with your separate friends. Some fridays i used to feel like i just wanted "me" time with my mates and he could never grasp that. My friend is the opposite of me. She can't do anything without her other half having to be there. He's even turned up to girlie nights because he doesn't see why she should have separate friends as we're his friends too. That annoys me slightly as girlie nights are exactly that and not mixed nights :grump:
However when I go out with her mates from work, I tend to be her other half, not David. And when she comes out with people from my work she's Mrs David, not Ellie.
There are some of my friends that she simply cannot stand, though, and that's fine- she just doesn't come out when I go and see them.
I have another group of friends who all are very definately my friends but they do all love mark and are nice to him - just that the communication for going out and stuff comes through me. But basically this is in general because boys are crap at organising anyting so it tends to be up to the girlfriends.
I did however successfully steal one of my first boyfriends best friends as a teenager - isn´t that bad - but you know we are still friends 13 years later and neither of us ever see the said boyfriend.
In the general boyfriend´s friend kind of at thing i´m not really a girlie girl and am often better friends with the boys.
Never really mixed my gfs with my mates that much, I was seeing someone a couple of years ago that my clubbing mates used to see all the time, until Boobgate, when one of my mates apparently groped her (lie), and muggins here believed her :rolleyes: Suppose if it's the right girl and that then it'll come naturally and all be cool, but I sometimes do get a bit wary - past experience and all.
If I'm going out with my boy mates then it'll be total drunkeness, but if I'm with a girl then it'll be a totally different night, and it's hard to find middle ground at times.