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question for the ladies
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I guess guys can respond too, but only if they have something helpful to say.
Here's my situation. I don't see my gf very often (at least 4 months between when we see each other). We also haven't had sex that much either, maybe 12 times in a year. Also we've only been together two times when we had sex. My gf says it has hurt every time we've had sex ever. I told her that we don't have to until we can have proper time to go super slow as we've been kind of rushed all the other times. Anyways, my question is: how long/how many times does it take before sex feels alright. I just don't her to be in pain anymore because it makes me feel horrible, especially when she doesn't tell me until 4 months later that it hurt every time. Okay, answer away!
Here's my situation. I don't see my gf very often (at least 4 months between when we see each other). We also haven't had sex that much either, maybe 12 times in a year. Also we've only been together two times when we had sex. My gf says it has hurt every time we've had sex ever. I told her that we don't have to until we can have proper time to go super slow as we've been kind of rushed all the other times. Anyways, my question is: how long/how many times does it take before sex feels alright. I just don't her to be in pain anymore because it makes me feel horrible, especially when she doesn't tell me until 4 months later that it hurt every time. Okay, answer away!
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How can you have had sex 12 times or so if you have only been together 2?
Is there no way you can see each other more regularly? Or with the same regularity but making the visits a little more prolonged and with more time for privacy (and therefore intimacy)?
Plenty of foreplay and a relaxed atmosphere (where she isn't worrying someone will walk in) will help her to feel more comfortable, but without wanting to sound horribly blunt, she's going to have to tolerate a bit of pain for a while until her body gets used to sex. I know you feel bad for hurting her, but if it was that painful she wouldn't be doing it, or at the very least she wouldn't be able to hide it from you. As they say, no pain no gain - she has to suffer a bit now in order to be able to have good sex in the future.
It's unfortunate that you guys don't see each other more often because not having regular sex will put her back closer to square one, but I think it's important not to give up. It's like falling off a horse, they say you should get straight back on so you don't feel scared of riding in the future - if you guys stop having sex for the moment because it hurts her, she may start to fear sex and it may actually be more painful in the future because of the psychological associations.
I was exactly the same. We were doing it every friday at that stage. It's probably just because it isnt regular.
If I may ask, how old are you two? Just cause her sister is being a bit of a spaz if you're old enough to look after yoursleves. And how old is she? She can hardly talk if there's only a few years difference :no: