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is snooping wrong? :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok i'll keep this brief as possible.
when i was 17 i fell for this older guy (then 22) and looking back he never liked me as much as i did him.we pulled a couple of times and he was quite cowardly as to why we didnt go out (i dont have the time for a relationship, i want to be by myself etc etc) which i bought because i was young. he finally got with another girl and i was really crushed because 2 days previosu he had blown me off with the same excuses. anywho i went to uni and we stayed acquaintances on and off tho i moved on with my life and relationships and all was rosy...now im 21. in march we started talking more often, emailing, flirting and by may it seemed that we both had changed a great deal.
he wanted to start seeing me but i was wary but thought id give it a shot.he has been a perfect gentleman for 2 months and it was all ideal until his phone had a message the other day. we have identical phones and i absent mindedly picked it up and the message was a reply to something he had sent in the like of 'dont worry she's going away soon anyway' (im travelling in about a month) curious i had a quick snoop in his sent box and there were at least 5 messages ranting about this big chat we had had a few days previous, how dull it was, how he didnt need that kind of emotional stuff right now. i was outraged and told him we shouldnt see each other any more but out of shame of my snooping, blagged my imminent travelling as a reason. i'm not regretting my decision but now he is texting saying he doesnt understand and wud like to meet up. do i admit the truth or keep on lying? urk. any advice...
when i was 17 i fell for this older guy (then 22) and looking back he never liked me as much as i did him.we pulled a couple of times and he was quite cowardly as to why we didnt go out (i dont have the time for a relationship, i want to be by myself etc etc) which i bought because i was young. he finally got with another girl and i was really crushed because 2 days previosu he had blown me off with the same excuses. anywho i went to uni and we stayed acquaintances on and off tho i moved on with my life and relationships and all was rosy...now im 21. in march we started talking more often, emailing, flirting and by may it seemed that we both had changed a great deal.
he wanted to start seeing me but i was wary but thought id give it a shot.he has been a perfect gentleman for 2 months and it was all ideal until his phone had a message the other day. we have identical phones and i absent mindedly picked it up and the message was a reply to something he had sent in the like of 'dont worry she's going away soon anyway' (im travelling in about a month) curious i had a quick snoop in his sent box and there were at least 5 messages ranting about this big chat we had had a few days previous, how dull it was, how he didnt need that kind of emotional stuff right now. i was outraged and told him we shouldnt see each other any more but out of shame of my snooping, blagged my imminent travelling as a reason. i'm not regretting my decision but now he is texting saying he doesnt understand and wud like to meet up. do i admit the truth or keep on lying? urk. any advice...
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Comments
its such a shame cos i really have enjoyed these past months but then im not standing for that crap either :no: lol
In your case though, it sounds like a genuine mistake which lead you to find it out, so I wouldnt really worry about it. As the others have said... sounds like you might be better off without him anyway!
I think the writing's on the wall here. Trust is great, you should trust your partner, but the fact that this man is completely untrustworthy is not your fault.
Ive been in the situation in the past where i felt i didnt trust my partner. he acted so suspicious, it turned me into someone i didnt want to be tbh, he made me feel like i was going mad - "surely i should have trusted him". Turns out i was right all along. I knew deep down that it wasnt me though. Id never been a jealous person before, and tbh, i havent since.
Theres also been times more recently where i havent been trusted and its been unfounded. Ive been snooped on, but i know the reasons why its been hard for him to trust, and ive been patient and understanding, and not hidden anything, and now the trust is as near to 100% as were likely to get I think.
Im glad he never thought, well i dont feel 100% trusting, maybe i shouldnt be with her.
But on a personal note I would be horrified if my boyfriend looked in my phone, despite having nothing to hide. I'd never snoop at his messages either, though I suppose I can understand people's motivation at times. I do think it completely undermines the point of trusting your partner and the idea of complete trust in a relationship; but - of course - life's not always black and white like that.
In this case I think the end justifies the means; you're well shot of him.
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