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Ask Albert........
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hullo, young 'uns!
Because I'm a man of mautre considerable years who worked for over fifty years (and survived a war but rarely mention this), I feel it is my role in life to give advice to the needy, impressionable and slighly less mature folk of this big world (i.e. you young 'uns).
Relationship is a big word to a lot of folk. We can define relationships in different ways. I myself have different relationships with my dear lady wife, Doris. When we're cuddled up on the sofa watching Coronation Street, Tomorrow's World and Dale Winton, our relationship is loving. When Doris and I are lying in bed at night and I pinch her rear - and she pinches mine - this is described as a "fruity" relationship. When I arrived back from The Legion the other night after midnight, Doris gave me a flask of coffee, chucked me in the house and told me to sleep in the shed for the night - that's described as a love/hate relationship.
So now, through years of my experiences of being a happily married man of 47 years, I lay bare my opinions on what the younger generation ever want to know.
So, leave any problems or queries on this 'ere thread and I'll do my best to give my honest thoughts on what's the best way to go forward.
Here's some of my thoughts of modern day life:
1. A twenty-four hour helpline for piles sufferers.
2. Capital punishment to be brought back immediately.
3. Young people who "play around" to be given regular "clap tests".
4. George Formby and Ralph McTell to be played regularly on Radio 1, with that 'orrible singer, M&M, to be banned from him or his music coming anywhere near this country.
5. Jimmy Young to be knighted.
6. Greyhound racing to be shown regularly on TV.
7. The return of the cane at school.
8. Jamie Oliver to have his "meat-and-two-veg" removed by a blunt instrument and then have the little get asked to try singing "Dancing in the Moonlight".
9. Reserved seats on buses and trains for pensioners.
10. People who survived a war to be awarded £10,000 each for their bravery.
So there you are - I do know my stuff. Feel free to ask anything you like. Except of course anything about "Nobby Stiles", which are giving me some 'jip this morning I can tell 'yer..... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
Bloomin' hot coals! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/redface.gif">
I'm 73.
Because I'm a man of mautre considerable years who worked for over fifty years (and survived a war but rarely mention this), I feel it is my role in life to give advice to the needy, impressionable and slighly less mature folk of this big world (i.e. you young 'uns).
Relationship is a big word to a lot of folk. We can define relationships in different ways. I myself have different relationships with my dear lady wife, Doris. When we're cuddled up on the sofa watching Coronation Street, Tomorrow's World and Dale Winton, our relationship is loving. When Doris and I are lying in bed at night and I pinch her rear - and she pinches mine - this is described as a "fruity" relationship. When I arrived back from The Legion the other night after midnight, Doris gave me a flask of coffee, chucked me in the house and told me to sleep in the shed for the night - that's described as a love/hate relationship.
So now, through years of my experiences of being a happily married man of 47 years, I lay bare my opinions on what the younger generation ever want to know.
So, leave any problems or queries on this 'ere thread and I'll do my best to give my honest thoughts on what's the best way to go forward.
Here's some of my thoughts of modern day life:
1. A twenty-four hour helpline for piles sufferers.
2. Capital punishment to be brought back immediately.
3. Young people who "play around" to be given regular "clap tests".
4. George Formby and Ralph McTell to be played regularly on Radio 1, with that 'orrible singer, M&M, to be banned from him or his music coming anywhere near this country.
5. Jimmy Young to be knighted.
6. Greyhound racing to be shown regularly on TV.
7. The return of the cane at school.
8. Jamie Oliver to have his "meat-and-two-veg" removed by a blunt instrument and then have the little get asked to try singing "Dancing in the Moonlight".
9. Reserved seats on buses and trains for pensioners.
10. People who survived a war to be awarded £10,000 each for their bravery.
So there you are - I do know my stuff. Feel free to ask anything you like. Except of course anything about "Nobby Stiles", which are giving me some 'jip this morning I can tell 'yer..... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
Bloomin' hot coals! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/redface.gif">
I'm 73.
0
Comments
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
Perhaps you'd like some help with your poetry... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif">
Does anyone have a copy of Roger Whittaker's Greatest Hits?
I'm 73. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
j9
I did have a doctor's hand up my rear yesterday morning for my rectum examination. Should have had the appointment booked for the afternoon - do you know have cold a doctor's hand is at 10.00 a.m?
And he hadn't cut his fingernails either!
Mucky devil.
I'm 73. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/redface.gif">
And no i wouldn't like any help with my poetry <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
I'm 73.
There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
dude, if u've been like this for the last 47 years, then the last thing Doris has been is happy, i'm guessing. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
that's not very respectful.
oh yeah. and asking him if he ever had a homosexual experience is showing him a lot of deference. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">
[This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 31-03-2001).]
it was a legit question!! i wanted to know his view and he said he'd give advice to "needy, impressionable, slightly less mature" me so ner <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">
i wanna know who albert iiiiiiiiiiiis
In my day, dirty rascals like these would 'ave been strung up by their "you-know-what's"!
I blame that John Inman! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif">
I once, however, flogged the bishop.
Does nobody have any problems then? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
I'm 73.
And all the grown-ups say is sorry, cos we got no reply.
Germaine Greer, your time is up..... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif">
I'm 73. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
Irate Albert, who the fuck r u????!!!! If its someone we know then please cut the crap and tell us who u r coz Im dying to know but if u r for real and r some 73 year old weirdo then can u please fuck off coz its getting boring now <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
(am pretty convinced we no u though!)
I'm 73.
I'm starting to see the advantages of euthanasia of the elderly ... hehehehe!
(only joking, Nan!) <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
she IS a mum <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">
It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees