tell someone you love them when your not in a relationship

Former Member · June 2006

is it best to tell someone that you love them or have feelings with them when your not in a relationship with them? work with them? or are pretty sure they dont have any feelings for you?

im conserding the option of telling someone i work with that i have feeling for them and may be in love with them (still unsure), kinda scared as i work with the guy and dont want him to be an arsewhole about it or tell others etc..

advice,stories whateva would be good.
thanks XXX

Former Member · June 2006

i think telling someone that you fancy them is fine. In my opinion tho, telling someone that you love them is a whole other ball game. If someone randomly told me that they loved me (in more than a friend/ family kinda way) id probably freak as it sounds a bit bunny boilerish.

Former Member · June 2006

Sure-fire way to make sure that you will never ever get with him. I mean, even if he likes you, if you say "I love you" before you've even been on a date, he'll run a mile. Do you think it's possible to be in love with someone who you've never been with in that way, just out of interest?

Former Member · June 2006

If you're not in a relationship with him then you don't love him, you are infatuated by him.

In which case don't start planning the wedding just yet.

Why do you need to blurt it all out anyway? What do you hope to achieve? That he loves you too? Because blurting it all out is one guaranteed way of making sure he never will.

As always, take things s-l-o-w-l-y.

Former Member · June 2006

I dont think its possible that you could love someone just like that, not without knowing them and being with them for a while. I think just saying you fancy them is good enough, if he likes you back then thats great, you can get to know him better and see where that takes you. If he doesn't, then at least you don't have that awkwardness of saying "i love you" to him.

Former Member · June 2006

You are probably in lust with him, theres a big difference.

Former Member · June 2006

Hi everyone, ive been away for a bit but im back!Here is an article about asking someone out that might help. Hope it helps and good luck

Former Member · June 2006

Kermit wrote:

If you're not in a relationship with him then you don't love him, you are infatuated by him.

Exactly

Why do you need to blurt it all out anyway? What do you hope to achieve? That he loves you too? Because blurting it all out is one guaranteed way of making sure he never will.

As always, take things s-l-o-w-l-y.

:yes:

I think just saying you fancy them is good enough, if he likes you back then thats great, you can get to know him better and see where that takes you. If he doesn't, then at least you don't have that awkwardness of saying "i love you" to him.

Agreed. However, talking from experince, it can get a bit awkward if they tell you they don't fancy you back - it's even worse when they say nothing, though.

Former Member · June 2006

urm.. ive known the guy a year, we were mates then we become fuck budies but before the fuck buddies i knew there were feelings there and yes i should have stoped the sex thing i know. ok so perhaps not love but have feelings for the guy.. that makes it sound less stalkerish? lol less intense?
im not expecting anything to come of it but its just that...i cant hold it in anymore..cant handle the not being honest..i dunno if that makes sense?

Former Member · June 2006

Okay, that makes it a bit different, but you still don't seem very sure that you're in love with him, so you probably aren't. In this case, I'd say you have to get across to him that you have feelings for him, because if you just start flirting and hanging out and what have you, he might just think you want to go back to the casual sex thing. Sorry, I'm no good at this sort of thing either, so maybe someone else can give you advice on how to actually bring it up.

Former Member · June 2006

Why not ask him on a date or something so you can spend more time together..and let his feeling develop before telling him. If he has feelings for you things it won't take long for the two of you to get together

Former Member · June 2006

update: so i told him i had feelings for him, he pretty much said he wasnt intrested which i expectd so yeah. kinda feel better about it being "out there" and i know things could get compliated (work) and i feel hurt but hey i guess its easier to move on that way? well i hope so.

Former Member · June 2006

Aww, I feel for you.

Had that feeling myself. It feels like shit, but it's still far better than the regret you have if you never took the opportunity to find out. And like you say, it's now easier to move on, rather than pinning your hopes on him wanting more.

Former Member · June 2006

yeah thats what i was hopeing instead of the what if? always thinking that. at least he knows howi feel ive been honest so has he so i should move on sooner than if i was always reading his signals. so hey guess thats life huh:grump:

Former Member · June 2006

i think you can love someone as a friend without being in a relationship with them. im guilty of that and i happened to tell him because he was going through a rough time and i wanted him to know. i think he was shocked by it but we're still mates and i still love him. i wouldn't be too quick to tell this guy though...maybe just ask him out on a date or something and see how things go and if you's get together great

Former Member · June 2006

Schnook wrote:

i think you can love someone as a friend without being in a relationship with them. im guilty of that and i happened to tell him because he was going through a rough time and i wanted him to know. i think he was shocked by it but we're still mates and i still love him. i wouldn't be too quick to tell this guy though...maybe just ask him out on a date or something and see how things go and if you's get together great

*points out post about two posts up. She's already told him.

Former Member · June 2006

yeah.. im just thankful hes not being a jerk about it, that hes still speaking to me and not going all weird or draging me and/or my feelings through mud (if you know what i mean?)

Former Member · June 2006

Still going to be pretty hard though

Tis horrible when someone doesn't feel the same way and hard to understand why (esp. if sex has already been involved). Know the feeling but i'm afraid you just have to live and let live. I felt like that back in august but didn't actually tell him how i felt but found out that he wasn't interested. So moved on and met a really lovely fella who was a lot better for me than the other one so good things do come out of the shit times. Just hold you head high and keep going :yes:

Former Member · June 2006

rel wrote:

yeah.. im just thankful hes not being a jerk about it, that hes still speaking to me and not going all weird or draging me and/or my feelings through mud (if you know what i mean?)

You mean he's not leading you on? I experinced this (what I've quoted) a few weeks ago. Was weird 'cause I've found before that if I tell anyone I like them, they go all weird on me; he, OTOH, said something to me (something like 'that is very sweet of you. I am very flattered) then just changed the subject totally and has been really nice to me recently (never really talked before) and has been acting like nothing was ever said.

tell someone you love them when your not in a relationship

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