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Saying bye and leaving things on good terms
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello again. Guess this will be one the last posts on this long messy saga thats gone on for me this year. Sure some of you will remember the shit that happened with a girl at work i was seeing, who then stopped things because she didnt want a relationship but then to go and start something with someone else. I guess if it had just been a fact of me just fancying her then i would be over it by now. But it was alot more for me i guess, i had really fallen for her and still now, i can't stop feeling shit.
I mean once i found out about her and this other guy, well was probably one of the worst feelings i've ever had, she really did mean so much to meand well i didn't take it too well. And its now at the stage where we havent spoken or properly seen each other for about a month now. She thinks its because i hate her or don't care about her and i suppose from her point of view i could see that as i havent spoken to her etc. But its just i needed some time i guess to try and sort my head out and see if i could get to the stage of just being a friend.
But you know what ... i can't, i've really tried in my head to get over her in a sense but i dunno what it is. I just feel so much for her that it hurts so much to know shes with someone else after all the shit that was said before etc and everytime i see her i just think about that and its just crap. I think yesterday basically showed me that when i saw them together at work, just well, can't really write how that felt, i just couldnt look
So things have not been so great i guess between us. But i dunno i do really care about her but i just don't think i can be a friend, if that makes sense? Which it probably doesnt. I guess shes thinking that if i care so much about her then why cant i be her friend. Can anyone help me with that? I dunno.
Well anyway i've told her that i'll see her next week because i don't really want to leave things in a bad way between us. But i don't think shes really understood and i feel so shit about it. I guess i just want to say bye to her properly although that feels shit to say. I dunno. Is that something thats wise to do? Should i do it?
I mean once i found out about her and this other guy, well was probably one of the worst feelings i've ever had, she really did mean so much to meand well i didn't take it too well. And its now at the stage where we havent spoken or properly seen each other for about a month now. She thinks its because i hate her or don't care about her and i suppose from her point of view i could see that as i havent spoken to her etc. But its just i needed some time i guess to try and sort my head out and see if i could get to the stage of just being a friend.
But you know what ... i can't, i've really tried in my head to get over her in a sense but i dunno what it is. I just feel so much for her that it hurts so much to know shes with someone else after all the shit that was said before etc and everytime i see her i just think about that and its just crap. I think yesterday basically showed me that when i saw them together at work, just well, can't really write how that felt, i just couldnt look
So things have not been so great i guess between us. But i dunno i do really care about her but i just don't think i can be a friend, if that makes sense? Which it probably doesnt. I guess shes thinking that if i care so much about her then why cant i be her friend. Can anyone help me with that? I dunno.
Well anyway i've told her that i'll see her next week because i don't really want to leave things in a bad way between us. But i don't think shes really understood and i feel so shit about it. I guess i just want to say bye to her properly although that feels shit to say. I dunno. Is that something thats wise to do? Should i do it?
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Have a good long chat I'd say, tell her everything you feel and hopefully she'll open up too.
Sometimes no matter how much someone likes us we just can't find the strength in our feelings back no matter how much we like/respect that other person. It's shite for the person who feels the stronger though
I guess the best you can do is open up, tell the truth (but don't gush or go OTT) and just see what she says. Just make it clear you don't hate her but that it's not been easy for you. I'm afraid when you have that strong a load of feelings for someone friendship doesn't really tend to work as it will always be awkward until you move on.
I'm sort of in the opposite situation where i really respect someone and like him but that i don't see myself in a relationship with anymore. These things happen though and are shite for both sides.
I mean when i told her that we could do something she said it cheered her up and she couldnt wait to have wednesday go well. I've told her not to try and build it up so much but i dont think shes taken that in. Ands its just shit as it could be the last time i see her, not because i don't want to its just i can't and i guess no one can understand that unless you've been in that situation.
Saying "goodbye" to someone is a very dramatic thing to do, and it's important to consider that once said it's really difficult to take back as if you change your mind and want to see her later then it may well be difficult for her to take you seriously.
However, that doesn't mean that you have to see her and continue being friends who see each other regularly. TBH your feelings are entirely understandable and it's no wonder that you don't feel that things can go back to normal. What you do need to make clear is that you still care about her, but you don't feel that it's a good idea for you to see each other for a while as it's not really fair on either of you. Maybe in the future when you have worked your feelings out, and maybe even met someone else (you don't need to say the bit about meeting someone else to her) you will feel much more comfortable about having a renewed friendship - but in your current situation (IMO) it doesn't sound like you are in a position to make a rational decision about future possibilities.
Overall, dramatic departures often leave people feeling empty and dejected and it's almost better just to speak to her on the phone rather than torture yourself with a last meeting. As I've already said, in the future you may want to see her again and if she's a real friend then she will understand that for the time being all you need is space to get over her and potentially meet someone new. Then if you do decide later on that you want to socialise you won't have the potential embarassment of saying "goodbye" hanging over you.
Sorry for the length of this post - I just think it's easy to get carried away with emotions in these situations and taking a step back is just another option to consider. I hope everything works out.
Take care
I guess yeah to say goodbye maybe a little extreme, i mean i don't want to completely lose contact with her its just i don't think i can hang around with her anymore.
Thanks though
:yes:
I agree so much with this. I am in a very similar situation but the other way around and from my perspective i would appreciate him talking to me about it so we could finally make up and be mates again.
I'm sending you hugs, GoodFella!!
Cheers
But yeah it has been left on good, smiley terms for her anyway. Which is what i wanted.