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Depressed or lonely or what?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Trying to work out if I'm just lonely or am actually depressed.
Recently had my first relationship in ages. Ended a couple of months ago. And although it was far from perfect, it was great having someone who actually cared, who wanted to know what I was up to etc.
She won't talk to me at all now, despite the fact we said all along that we'd always be friends.
That left a big gap. I've tried to fill the gap with friends. E.g. texting. I barely texted anyone before that relationship. But now I text my mates a lot more. Living in the middle of nowhere, it's become kinda like my lifeline. So when nobody texts back for days, or at all it proper bums me out.
I do try and put myself out there, try to meet new people.
Went to two barbecues on Sunday. Didn't really want to go to the first because I only knew one person there, but made myself anyway. Asked out the new girl at work, went to Leeds with her on Tuesday. Went to Brid on Wednesday with my friend from Canada. Asked another friend if she wanted to go to the cinema, went on Thursday.
But I never seem to be able to make new friends. Feels like everyone else already has quite enough friends in their life and doesn't need me as well. I'll get on well with them for like a day and then never hear from them again.
So with the bbqs and all the days out it's been quite a full week for me. But a couple of days later and I'm feeling no better than before.
I just seem to spend all my time barely scraping by emotionally. I get by most of the time but it takes barely anything to send me spiralling downwards.
Thanks for reading
Recently had my first relationship in ages. Ended a couple of months ago. And although it was far from perfect, it was great having someone who actually cared, who wanted to know what I was up to etc.
She won't talk to me at all now, despite the fact we said all along that we'd always be friends.
That left a big gap. I've tried to fill the gap with friends. E.g. texting. I barely texted anyone before that relationship. But now I text my mates a lot more. Living in the middle of nowhere, it's become kinda like my lifeline. So when nobody texts back for days, or at all it proper bums me out.
I do try and put myself out there, try to meet new people.
Went to two barbecues on Sunday. Didn't really want to go to the first because I only knew one person there, but made myself anyway. Asked out the new girl at work, went to Leeds with her on Tuesday. Went to Brid on Wednesday with my friend from Canada. Asked another friend if she wanted to go to the cinema, went on Thursday.
But I never seem to be able to make new friends. Feels like everyone else already has quite enough friends in their life and doesn't need me as well. I'll get on well with them for like a day and then never hear from them again.
So with the bbqs and all the days out it's been quite a full week for me. But a couple of days later and I'm feeling no better than before.
I just seem to spend all my time barely scraping by emotionally. I get by most of the time but it takes barely anything to send me spiralling downwards.
Thanks for reading
0
Comments
If you search this site, they have articles on making friends, and other useful things which might be of interest to you.
All the best mate.
Had a look at theSite's page on the signs of depression. Some of them fit me. Others don't. E.g. loss of self confidence, feeling unlikeable and, as you say, spending less time socialising. I kinda feel like I'll be fine just as soon as the world stops ignoring me and realises how great I am.
So I think you're probably right. I wouldn't describe myself as entirely well balanced. But I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much unless its actually stopping me from doing stuff.
I think, quite frankly, there's too much emphasis on spending time with friends. I spend much of my time by myself, and I'm absolutely fine with it. Friends are good, but you can have too much of a good thing. That's not to say I don't sympathise. I'm merely saying you need to avoid the trap of dwelling endlessly on it that I fell into for several months at a time.
its natural to feel loss at the end of a relationship and to be thrown a little off track. i think depression is a lot more deep than you are describing tbh.
There's other stuff, too. General lethargy, inability to concentrate, loss of pretty much all my interests, zero hope for the future etc.
But I'm hoping most of that's because with my hayfever and the hot weather my sleeping has gone to nothing.
Think my friends are what I fall back on when I'm feeling low, and that's why I'm missing them now.
It'd be great if I was able to enjoy other people's company when they're there. Not miss it when they're not. But I think some people find the whole lone wolf thing easier than others, though.
Absolutely.
I think a lot of people have friends who are great but don't really fulfill every social need they have. I think it's definitely possible to have people to go out with once in a while for a day trip or similar, and still feel a lack of actual friendship. I can understand the way that would make you feel a bit empty, too, especially if you have a great time with someone and then don't see them again for aaages... or they don't want to make any new plans to see you again soon. But I do think your attitude is fairly positive, in that you recognise that you need to appreciate the time spent in good company rather than just feeling the lack when you're without it.
As Kentish said, it will only be a matter of time before you do meet someone new (either romantically or platonically) who will fill the gaps you're feeling in your relationships at least to a greater extent. In the meantime, keep doing what you're doing - put yourself out there to meet new folk, socialise even if you only know one person at an event. Existing friendships undoubtedly breed new friendships, in my opinion it's far and away usually the best way to meet new people.
I hope things work out for you, keep your chin up
Yes - just give yourself some time ... anyway, it's far better to make one trustworthy friend than it is to make twenty unreliable acquaintances.
Question, then:
Can you have all (well, most of) the symptoms of being depressed, without actually being depressed?
If the causes are physical/due your to your situation. E.g. not sleeping, having a crappy job, no social life or love life. Rather than mental. Does that mean your not actually depressed?
More important than the actual symptoms is their duration and your attitude to them. Depression is often situational. Hence its greater frequency in unemployed people, single/divorced people, elderly people, new mothers and the bereaved.
You can choose to label yourself or you can choose to deal with the situation. If you feel unable to deal with a situation then you may well end up feeling depressed about it.