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Does Experience Matter?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
A lot of people on this website (mainly guys in their early 20's who haven't had a girlfriend yet) seem to want a relationship, just for the sake of having one. I know that it's never a good idea to go out with someone just because the opportunity to have a partner is there. But do you think that the experience of going out with people can make you 'better' at relationships somehow, or 'more mature' as far as relationships go, in a way that general growing up can't give you? Would a relationship with a 20 year-old guy who's had a 2 year relationship in the past be more likely to be successful (or even just more appealing) than a relationship with an identical guy who hasn't ever had a serious (or even any) relationship?
I guess what I'm asking is what do people feel they learn from long-term relationships, that then benefit future relationships, that are things you couldn't learn without having a serious relationship?
I guess what I'm asking is what do people feel they learn from long-term relationships, that then benefit future relationships, that are things you couldn't learn without having a serious relationship?
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As for the view that most people on here want relationships 'for the sake' is a bit narrow minded and nowhere near true in my opinion.
I don't think it's nessisarily that simple, however, to base desperation on experience. I think we all (whether we want to or not) want to be accepted (i.e. liked) by another person on a more intimate level simply because it gives us subconscious comfort that this world isn't just a figment of imagination and we're not just wasting our time wandering around all alone.
Some people can handle being alone all of their life. Most likely because they don't think about these psycho-philosophical reasons for why, and therefore don't have much question about the abstracts of the world in general. Either that, or they don't have a very active subconscious.
I've had 2 long-term (3yr) relationships that were both totally different and I learnt a lot from both. The first was my first love and I got shit on and found it hard to deal with, taking this into the 2nd I really didn't want it to happen again so I kept my "distance" if you get me. I found out this isn't really the way to go either although this time it was the gf that got hurt badly and not me cos she was madly in love and I hadn't let myself get in too deep even though I could have easily done it.
Now I've started seeing a really good friend of mine and I believe the experience of mine and her past relationships will make this one really good and I believe if nothing stupid happens that this one could be forever. I don't think I would be in a situation to say that if I hadn't experienced the 2 previous relationships.
Obviously everyones situation is different and you could be with your first proper relationship forever but in my circumstances my previous realtionships have taught me a lot and I believe will make future relationships better.
I have had several long term relationships which i learnt from i guess. Mainly that i should never have another relationship again.
Depends on who you are i suppose.
Majority of the time it aint true IMO.
me neither. especially at a younger age. maybe if they were 50 and had never had a relationship i'd think it was odd, but not at 20.
i'm mr. kaff's first proper girlfriend, and he is 'better' at relationships than most people i know who've been out with everyone in leeds. and i never have to hear 'well [ex's name] never used to nag me/make me go to family parties/make me clean the loo'.
some people work well together and some don't. experience has chuff all to do with it.
What would put me off is a guy that has a string of short term relationships, as that suggests that he gets bored easily, although that might not necessarily be the case.
I think experience can certainly give you the confidence to start a relationship, and perhaps a few ideas on how to keep one going, but it really depends on each relationship as to whether they are similar. It's probably more useful in that you learn from your mistakes.
Exactly.
My partner is my first boyfriend; he'd been out with a few girls, but all pretty brief affairs, and I was the first he'd slept with, yet here we are, five years on, despite being pretty much novices at relationships.
So compatibility's probably the biggie here. And maturity. Although saying that, I was 18 the first time I kissed a guy and I ended up seeing him for a couple of weeks, the thought of which has constantly caused me deep embarrasment since, because looking back, I didn't fancy him. Didn't even like him hugely personality-wise. I s'pose I just told myself he was a nice guy and liked me, so I should give it a chance. Maybe I'd get to like him more as I got to know him :no: There was no chemistry there, never gonna be any chemistry and I should have just left it at one drunken snog. I feel particularly embarrassed because you'd have thought that being a bit of a late starter, I would have at least had a bit of wisdom with me, instead of going after the first bloke that showed interest, like a bloody 14 year old. Ah well. Mistakes are made. (I don't count him as an ex, as I believe that for him to have been a boyfriend, it would have needed just a teensy bit of emotional involvement, of which I had none!)
I think that maybe there's the idea that if you've had a boy/girlfriend, you'll then know "what to do" when someone you really like comes along. I guess it's the same state of mind that makes a few virgins visit a prostitute, so that when it happens for real, they'll know what they're doing.
I think it's the perception that experience is important that is the problem, rather than the lack of experience itself. It's probably more of a problem to the person with the lack of experience (i.e. lack of confidence because they "don't know what they are doing"). Let's face it, by the time you get to a stage in a relationship where you start talking about past relationships, I think it would be kinda shallow for this to be a turn off to your partner. The lack of confidence that may come with this however, may be a turn off.
Yup, happened to me too.
I think the line they use in job adverts is "experience preferred but not essential". It could just as easily be applied here.
She's my first partner and I don't see any problems. And unlike some of exes, I actually trust her.
personally i'd be more likely to go with "experience not important as full training will be provided".