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Online Relationship complications - HELP!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I was in a very rocky relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. I needed to to tlak to a complete stranger so i got chatting on the internet. A lad in a chat room who was also in a relationship started chatting to me. This went on for a few months, then we started talking on the phone. Until finally we met. We were both unhappy in our relationship and i guess it was love at furst sight. I left my Boyfriend shortly after meeting this lad. And he left his partner. However she took this bad and tried to comit suicide. He then went back to her until she was stable again, then explained to her he wasn't happy and left. She seemed ok about this and let him go.
He lives 80 miles away from me. We see eachother once a week, or more if we can. However, he has children. THis does not bother me, but it means that when he sees them he stays at his ex's house, even though she now knows about me. He knows i don't like it but then says he doesn'y want to hurt her because of the suicide atempt. I therefore have to accept this. But i feel second best. I am supposed to be going on holiday with his sister and his kids. I have only met his kids once and they still see his ex as Daddy's girlfriend. And his sister doesn't like me much. How do i tell him how i feel. Please help.

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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    when you say your boyfriend sleeps over at his exes house, do you mean in the same room/bed? if so, then that's not on, whatever reasons they give for protecting their children and giving stability. how old are the kids? its unfair for his ex to have a hold over him with the suicide attempt, she needs to accept hes moved on and she has to do the same. maybe some counselling would help? your boyfriend could try and suggest she sees a counsellor as she cant seem to get over the end of the relationship.

    when you go on holiday it will give you a chance to get to know his kids better, and his sister too. maybe ask your boyf to tell his kids when you go away together than you're "daddy's new girlfriend".. but not try to replace their mum in their minds with you, sorta thing. and youll get change to talk to his sister too and hopefully you'll get on better at the end as a result of this <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    His ex isn't the mother of his kids. He claims he is sleeping in the spare room and i do believe him, in a way i guess he's using her, which in itself is unfair. It seems to me he's now using the suicide as an excuse though and i wonder if he is confused about the whole thing himself. His Kids are 7 & 9, old enough to understand, He goes to Hockey matches where he and in ex have season tickets, i don't mind this so much, they can still be mates, but when he takes the kids they see her also, and i feel they must be getting confused as they know about me.
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    how come his kids live with his ex if she arent their mother then?
    If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nah...the kids don't live with his ex, they live with their mum. He and his ex had been together a long time and they see her as, well like a step mum i suppose. I can't tell him how to bring them up but maybe if they didn't see her as much now they have split, then maybe he could bring me into the equation a little more, prepare the ground a bit before we go away.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And as if by magic monday just gone he rings me up and says the kids say hi! may not seem like much, but it made my day. His eldest understands whats going on but the younger one is still asking questions...at least they are beinging to be brought into the picture. So i've decided not go go bananas at him and perhaps suggest a day out for the four of us, just to get to know eachother, and prepare the ground for the hols.
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