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friend got engaged

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
one of my best friends bf proposed to her today, after being together for 3 months.
she's 16 and he's 17....doesn't this just seem a bit rushed? I'm a bit concerned...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    I'm a bit concerned...
    Why?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    one of my best friends bf proposed to her today, after being together for 3 months.
    she's 16 and he's 17....doesn't this just seem a bit rushed? I'm a bit concerned...

    Are they engaged to show their commitment but planning on a long engagement or are they planning on getting married right away?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are they engaged to show their commitment but planning on a long engagement or are they planning on getting married right away?
    long engagement....but i'm concerned cause they haven't been together long and they're so young - i don't want her to get caught up in it all then get hurt if it all goes to bits.
    I don't even know if she'll tell her parents.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats the done thing at that age because 'it is taking the next step' they will either grow out of it or miss out on some of the best years of their lives by sticking together. their choice though so i wouldnt worry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well to be fair nothing to do with anybody else but them.

    yes, personally i think it's silly after 3 months but they obviously feel it's right and if they're happy, let them be.

    no need for you to be concerned.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im guessing its a 'honeymoon period' thing
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There was a couple when I was still at school who got engaged. They were both the year below me. So they were 17. Everyone thought it was a bit mad. They hadn't been together long, and neither were the committing types. It didn't last long either, but it was a cause for drama between their families and stuff.
    So it does happen.

    My ex has two friends who, both 19, were together for only 3 months before they announced in church one day that they wanted to get married, and so did so there and then. So far (after half a year) they're still very happy and have a lot of plans together.

    So I guess it can just depend. Though to be fair, 19 is a little bit more mature than 16.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    My ex has two friends who, both 19, were together for only 3 months before they announced in church one day that they wanted to get married, and so did so there and then. So far (after half a year) they're still very happy and have a lot of plans together.

    As in got married right there and then?! :shocking:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    Thats the done thing at that age because 'it is taking the next step' they will either grow out of it or miss out on some of the best years of their lives by sticking together. their choice though so i wouldnt worry.

    Totally agreed here
    well to be fair nothing to do with anybody else but them.

    This I agree with. So Ballerina, why exactly are you concerned about this? For all you know it could be over within a few weeks or so.
  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    IWishIWas wrote:
    My ex has two friends who, both 19, were together for only 3 months before they announced in church one day that they wanted to get married, and so did so there and then. So far (after half a year) they're still very happy and have a lot of plans together.

    I didn't think you could actually do that - spur of the moment thing. I know in Scotland you have to apply for a licence. I thought it was similar in England :chin:

    EDIT: Didn't think you could do it spur of the moment thing. You need to apply for the wedding banns at least 3 Sundays before the ceremony for a license to be issued.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    Totally agreed here



    This I agree with. So Ballerina, why exactly are you concerned about this? For all you know it could be over within a few weeks or so.
    well it just seems too early in the relationship and too early in their lives, thats all - i don't understand the rush
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It probably won't happen, when I was 16 and about to leave school quite a few of my friends got engaged. Nothing ever came of it, they just thought they were 'cool' by doing it. Don't worry about it.
  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    It probably won't happen, when I was 16 and about to leave school quite a few of my friends got engaged. Nothing ever came of it, they just thought they were 'cool' by doing it. Don't worry about it.

    Yeah, similar things happened at my school. The most prominent "couple" split up not long after announcing it and having a party celebrating them getting engaged.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It probably won't happen, when I was 16 and about to leave school quite a few of my friends got engaged. Nothing ever came of it, they just thought they were 'cool' by doing it. Don't worry about it.

    Totally agreed here. This is one of the reasons I refused to say yes to anyone who asks me if I'd marry them....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It probably won't happen, when I was 16 and about to leave school quite a few of my friends got engaged. Nothing ever came of it, they just thought they were 'cool' by doing it. Don't worry about it.

    :yes:

    'engaged' means a different thing these days. leave them to it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    :yes:

    'engaged' means a different thing these days. leave them to it.

    Its all getting a bit pathetic. Granted, I have never known anybody who has done this faux engagement thing, but from reading on here. No point really. Its taking any realness out of it for people who still hold it to what it should be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I did it when I was 17, but it was after I got dumped and I decided it'd be a good idea to propose.

    It wasn't.

    I look back on it and cringe now, but I can sort of almost relate to the sentiment. It's probably puppy love at that stage, but nobody knows that at the time I suppose.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote:
    I did it when I was 17, but it was after I got dumped and I decided it'd be a good idea to propose.

    It wasn't.

    I look back on it and cringe now, but I can sort of almost relate to the sentiment. It's probably puppy love at that stage, but nobody knows that at the time I suppose.

    i agree with this, i got engaged when i was 17, we have split up now but i look back and regret it, i was too young but at the time you don't see that, just let them get on with it, it will all work out in the end
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rachie004 wrote:
    ETA: I know a guy who got married to someone a year after they met, it was kinda a shotgun marriage though because she got pregnant but then lost it, yet the wedding still went ahead. He's really not the type of guy that wanted to settle down either. Like something that went on for a month was long term for him

    I also know someone who got married after a year together. I always thought it was too soon (never told him this though) and they're still happily married after just under 5 years...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    I also know someone who got married after a year together. I always thought it was too soon (never told him this though) and they're still happily married after just under 5 years...
    my older cousin was dating a girl for about 4 years, he broke up with her in an april, and within a year was married to another girl! And he vowed to never get married again (after a disasterous marriage ages before)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't mean this in a horrible way, but they'll learn by their own mistakes/experiences. I've been going out with my boyf for 7 months at the mo, and I couldn't imagine being engaged to him, 7 months in- I'm learning more about him, his personality etc, e.g. the little things like that he can't swim, doesn't eat Chniese food etc, I know it's all little things, but I feel that they could be important.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    well it just seems too early in the relationship and too early in their lives, thats all - i don't understand the rush

    to be fair you dont need to understand, its nothing to do with anyone but them and its not like they're rushing out to get married. if they're happy let them be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    people will learn from their own mistakes.

    If it doesnt work out then so what. If it does then great.

    Its not really anything for you to worry about.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In the first couple of months, when you've got that nice new loved up feeling, you do stupid things. They are just trying to show how they feel, it wont last.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    I don't mean this in a horrible way, but they'll learn by their own mistakes/experiences.
    My thoughts entirley! Even though my cousin got engaged at about 16 and married at 18 (shes just had her silver wedding anniversary!). I wouldnt recommed it. It sounds like a spur of the moment thing, and it proabaly wont happen. She probably needs you more to pick her up when it all goes tits up, rather then critise her now. Live and let live.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my bf asked him why and he said something about wanting to do it now before it all goes wrong. but getting engaged doesn't mean that suddenly it rules out all possibility of it going wrong. I suppose it might be cause my friend has been through her fair share of bfs and he want's to sort of, claim her if that makes sense? I suppose it'll probably just run its course.
    btw - aren't engagement rings supposed to have a diamond or some kind of stone?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    An engagement ring can be whatever you want it to be really, all down to personal taste and what not, although solitare diamonds are the traditional way to go i suppose.

    I don't know what your worried about to be honest let them get on with it, it probabley won't last forever anyway, if it does then yeah great, but if not oh well kinda thing. To be honest just saying that you're engaged, especially at that age doesn't change anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't worry about it unless they actually start properly planning - going to book a church, find a dress etc. Then you might wanna have a friendly word in her ear suggesting she slow it down a bit.

    I know looooads of people that have got engaged, some more serious than others. It's usually just a thing to say to 'prove' how serious they are. Leave them to it, unless it's looking like it's getting too deep.
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