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How to ruin your life in one easy step
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So we're now back to the jewish girl, who unfortunately i can't stop myself liking, i've tried because it's killing me but i'm constantly thinking about her, every minute of every day - it was never this bad but now i'm always thinking about her, all of the time, sometimes it's good and I like thinking about her but sometimes it really hurts.
Anyway, I told her I liked her and she said she wasn't interested right now - fair enough, just be good friends right? Well I tried, but I panic too much - just get these worries all the time about whether i've upset her, whether we're still friends, what she thinks about me - and when I tell my friends this because they can visibly see I get quite distressed by the whole thing (although I feel very comfortable/happiest? when around her) and then they go and tell her that i've been thinking about her loads - and this obviously creeps her out.
So anyway, I do speak to/call/text/msn her quite a bit, though no more than I would with any close friend to be fair. I was also talking about my worries about me and her to a friend, who volunteered to have a word with the girl and then told the girl that i'd asked her to have a word. Anyway, she told me she thinks i'm crowding her, pushing things a bit too hard, she says i'm driving her insane because i'm putting her under immense pressure and she wants me to not speak to her for a while. In addition those of my friends who are also her friend are getting really arsey about the whole damn thing and are barely speaking to me... The whole thing is getting me really upset and depressed, I know I shouldn't be getting like this over one girl (yes, I know there's thousands out there) and i've liked plenty of people before - but it's hit me really hard, i've never thought about someone ALL THE TIME before, it's surely not natural... and all I think about is how I can sweep her off her feet and make her the happiest girl in the world.
The whole damn thing is just getting me really down, seeing a counsellor later today but don't know what that'll do - why do I get myself into a state over these things, why?!? Maybe I can just lie low for a couple of weeks and then pick it up and tell her i've taken what she said on board and we can get back to being happy friends again but I don't know.
It's weird because I turned up to her birthday thing (just a quiet affair), and stayed until the end like all of her close friends - and then went back to her place, gave her a present she absolutely loved 2 days later, you should've seen her face, it was wonderful... and the next day things just went pear-shaped. It's so frustrating.
Argh...
Anyway, I told her I liked her and she said she wasn't interested right now - fair enough, just be good friends right? Well I tried, but I panic too much - just get these worries all the time about whether i've upset her, whether we're still friends, what she thinks about me - and when I tell my friends this because they can visibly see I get quite distressed by the whole thing (although I feel very comfortable/happiest? when around her) and then they go and tell her that i've been thinking about her loads - and this obviously creeps her out.
So anyway, I do speak to/call/text/msn her quite a bit, though no more than I would with any close friend to be fair. I was also talking about my worries about me and her to a friend, who volunteered to have a word with the girl and then told the girl that i'd asked her to have a word. Anyway, she told me she thinks i'm crowding her, pushing things a bit too hard, she says i'm driving her insane because i'm putting her under immense pressure and she wants me to not speak to her for a while. In addition those of my friends who are also her friend are getting really arsey about the whole damn thing and are barely speaking to me... The whole thing is getting me really upset and depressed, I know I shouldn't be getting like this over one girl (yes, I know there's thousands out there) and i've liked plenty of people before - but it's hit me really hard, i've never thought about someone ALL THE TIME before, it's surely not natural... and all I think about is how I can sweep her off her feet and make her the happiest girl in the world.
The whole damn thing is just getting me really down, seeing a counsellor later today but don't know what that'll do - why do I get myself into a state over these things, why?!? Maybe I can just lie low for a couple of weeks and then pick it up and tell her i've taken what she said on board and we can get back to being happy friends again but I don't know.
It's weird because I turned up to her birthday thing (just a quiet affair), and stayed until the end like all of her close friends - and then went back to her place, gave her a present she absolutely loved 2 days later, you should've seen her face, it was wonderful... and the next day things just went pear-shaped. It's so frustrating.
Argh...
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Comments
It's difficult, maybe even impossible, to be friends with someone who you have strong feelings for. You'll end up getting jealous every time she's with another guy. A friend of mine had a male best friend through the whole of uni, who used to be 'in love' with her, even though they never went out or anything. Now after uni, he's treating her like shit, because she's got a proper boyfriend, and he's blatantly jealous. Let's face it, until he gets over her, he's never going to be a proper friend, and the same applies to you.
That's easier said than done, of course, but I find that as soon as you meet someone else that you like, you'll tend to see the original girl as just a friend again. Try not to dwell on it too much. Keep busy, and be doing things that will keep you occupied, and that just might introduce you to someone who you like, and who feels the same way. You don't have to stop hanging out with her or anything, but maybe not so much one-on-one, and maybe with less of the 'I think about you all the time' type conversations. And also maybe apologise for acting like a bit of a twat with her lately.
I know its hard when you like someone but banging on about it to someone who doesn't feel the same way is bound to freak them out.
thats not actually what the problem is
Indeed. And talking from experience, if you keeping on pushing a girl to go out with you, the less likely she is to do that.
How exactly has this ruined your life? Or do you do nothing more than chase girls?
i'm not the only one then.
well then apologise for creeping her out, tell her you didn't mean to and you were just gutted cos you think she's a lovely person, you'd still like to hang out etc etc........then back off a bit, if you're really hooked on someone then spending a lot of time around them only makes it harder to get over them......good luck with that :thumb:
It might hurt like a motherfucker, but you'll just need to learn for the next time.
:yes: And give her some space.
Is it possible that she is holding back from you because she is Jewish? Like many other faiths, Jews very often don't date outside of their community ...
the thing is - i'm just trying to be good friends with her, which is what we agreed we both wanted... and she says she's still my friend but I need some time away from her for my own good. So i'm probably going to give it a couple of weeks and see how I feel, she's pretty stressy at minute anyway due to other things so I can go back, tell her i've taken what she said on board, apologise for being a tit and hopefully go back to normal - although a little less full-on!
Don't try to justify to yourself why she won't go out with you. She just won't and you have to get the message and move on.
maybe you should take a step back and go figure yourself
IMO, she doesn't need a reason either...
And you can't really "try" and be good mates with someone either, it's something that's developed over time. It's sure as fuck not something that's used as a consolation prize because she won't go out with you.
Going by what you said in the first post, you're really into her and I'm sorry but I think you probably see it as another angle to try and pull her. As has been said, if you've got feelings for someone then the friendship rarely works, especially if you keep hassling her.
Just back off, the balls in her court. If she wants to talk to you then she knows where you are.
On the flip side, i had a (rare!) girl fallin for me, and her being attracted to me did kinda feel gud, cos i had nothing to lose... that was over a year ago, and i still kno her now, she is with a different bloke, but i feel bad for being like that to her, its not fair on ppl almost leadin them on like that, i kno how u feel...
If she really is jus bein awkward, she will regret it wen she realises wot she missed out on, what comes around goes around as i have found out to my expense
Good luck!
That's what I did, I had a friend that I had feelings for, and I decided to stop following like a puppy and get a life. A week later, she confronted me with her love of me. It'll be 10 months in two weeks. :cool:
So try it, and for the love of God, don't ever say anything about the subject of you and her being together, and stop trying to be a 'good friend' and maybe back it down a bit.
Hope it helps, although there is tons of information on this topic already to choose from! :yippe:
I'm going to stop talking to other people about her - and just to clarify, we WERE good friends and she's just asked me to avoid her for a bit for my own good. So we should be okay together once i've sorted myself out.
Was a little bit worried about tomorrow night because there's an afterparty and she'll be there and i'll be there and these things generally turn into random drunk pulling so was worried how i'd feel if she was going around pulling randoms, or even worse my friends... but don't actually care right now, she'll do what she wants and i'll do what I want, and if our paths cross - i'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
:yes:
And does it matter if she goes around pulling random people?
Jus watch out, there are girls about who take advantage of nice blokes, as i have found, and been told on many occasions. They r nice enough ppl, but wen it comes to bein with sum1, they have nothing to lose it playin you a bit, and it hurts, it did me. Jus gotta get on with life, and try and be a bit harsh wth her.
Not that i am one to talk!
if you love her so much as a friend, then i think thats why a relationship between you and her wouldnt work out