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Reaction to finding out about a criminal record
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
If you were starting to go out with someone and they had a criminal record would you expect them to tell you from early on. Would it turn you off them completely or would you give it a chance? Would you react differently if they only told you after a longer time together?
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a criminal record isn't that uncommon you know.
what crimes?
It depends on what it was as well, if it was something petty, I wouldnt really care, if it was something major then I would have a bit more to think about...
Care to be a bit more specific?
It hasn't come up on a first date but can't decide if I should be upfront from the start or risk her finding out later from someone else.
but thats side tracking...
To be honest mate its a tough one to call, it depends on the girl, it depends on how long you have been seeing each other etc etc...
You want to let her get to know you first, other wise she will judge you for it without knowing the real you... but at the same time you dont want to get too far into the relationship, tell her and then both end up really hurt!
If its still very new between you 2 then I would wait a bit... its not as if your telling her a lie, unless she specifically asked you!
Stop posting a split second before me!!
It is early days but I don’t want to blow this. I’m inclined to say nothing but am worried that she could find out any way. I split up after 2 years with my last girlfriend over this. In fairness she did stand by me but we ended it when, well when I had to go away, so to speak. I know she is likely to react bad to this and think I would have a better chance with her if she didn’t find out until we had got to know each other better.
No - just means I was having a smoke.
sorry i can;t realy be of much help ...my criminality was always so out in the open the women would always already know.
lol, thats like only one step from murder/terrorist.
Shane, I'd say tell her upfront, might save heartache later on. But I'm not totally sure about it one way or the other.
Yeah obviously things aren't as bad as that but I'm afraid of her finding out some way like that. Google is aterrible thing!
I think I'm going to tell it straight in the next week or so. It's just too difficult to keep up the pretence of having been in Australia for the past while and I am bound to slip up at some stage. At least this way I can do it my way, put the best spin on things and not have to worry about being found out later on. Might be making a big mistake but who knows.
It depends what the record was for.
My ex told me he was due in court on quite a serious charge. He told me this after about a week or so of being together. It did freak me out and put me off a bit but once he's explained it, it obviously didn't bother me that much as I stayed with him for a few years.
If someone hid it from me I would be more suspicious and feel they were dishonest but it depends on a lot of things. If they just had a few minor things from when they were a teenager I probably wouldn't care.
Yeah it's about 3 weeks for us now and just feel I should set the record straight. It's a part of my life I would like to keep separate but it doesn't really work like that.
So you told her you were in Australia while doing time? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick!?
If thats the case then you could be screwed! She wont be happy that you lied to her within the first 3 weeks of you getting together...
You might have been better off coming clean in the first place.
Either way, its got to be done... best of luck to you mate!
No you're right. It just seemed easier to say that I had been in Australia instead of saying I had been in prison - not something that you want to admit to to somebody new. Would be a bit of a conversation stopper. Once you say it once, the lie becomes easier but I know I can't get away with it much longer.
I got out in March and want to put things behind me - but it's hard getting a job after coming out and I have to carry with me the baggage of having been in prison. I got a 10 month sentence but with 6 months suspended for the next 5 years so I keep on trying to tell myself I'm lucky being out instead of still being locked up.
No matter what they say about prison being too soft - which it isn't - it really does affect things in your life.
As someone said upthread, we all have things in our pasts that we regret and/or would rather not go back and relive - but honesty is not just the best policy, I think it's the only policy in this situation... and sooner rather than later, I'd reckon. She's pretty much guaranteed to be pissed off about being lied to, but if she can accept that you've done time then maybe she'll also be able to understand why you hid the truth in the first instance - it's very understandable, at least in my opinion. Anyway, good luck with it mate :thumb:
Yeah I can completely understand that and why you did it.
As Briggi said, you just have to tell the truth now and hope for the best!
Not really much else I can say apart from I hope it goes well! :thumb:
This is what I think as well. However, I wouldn't want someone to hide something like a criminal record either.
I don't do thorough criminal record and credit checks to be honest, and it wouldn't really bother me if she never mentioned it till it cropped up.
I never thought I would end up in prison. I did fine at school, went to college, had a decent job and all that and before all this probaly thought that prisoners got what they deserved and were best avoided but obviously my attitude has changed.
But I'm 25 now, more mature and have 'done my time' as the cliche goes so I am hoping she will see beyond my past mistakes.
Same here and I think most people would agree as well.
Exactly.
A lot of people end up with a criminal record for something stupid they did when they were young. Something like criminal damage, minor violent crimes or minor theft wouldn't bother me.
I've got a record and it's never bothered the girls I've been with.
My boyfriend had quite a few convictions, mainly buglery, ciminal damage, minor public disorder and drink-driving. I found out about the driving related ones quite early on and the other ones about 4 months ago. Was a bit shocking at the time but I'm fine with it now and have got used to it.
If you realy like her be honest, she should be able to accept it.