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too tight for sex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
ok kind of embrassed to ask this one. I've been with my gf for 1month on thursday, we has sex pretty much every night we see each other (if not sex very long periods of foreplay, just to wind eachother up) which is 4-5 night of the week.
Theses two reasons we tend to go more for the foreplay, first we both enjoy this more at the moment than having sex. Secondly we're finding that when i enter her its either hurting her or me. The reason for this is shes very tight. Once i'm past certon point its find but it can be painfull for one or both of us to get past it.
Is there anything we can do to help. our foreplay can last anything from 30mins to 2hours before we have sex. Without meaning to sound nasty, by which time she is very wet, and we have no need for lube (we tried it but didn't make a diffance).

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Only thing I can think of is during foreplay, 1 finger, 2 finger, 3 finger.... gently hoping in make it a bit less tight... i'm sure you might have try that already... also sometimes too much foreplay can give a lot of exitation to the woman and sometimes some women are more contracted (thighter) down there because of it... not of big help but it's all i've got...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks NMM, yeah been trying that. And thought about the maybe the foreplay might have something to do with it too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just try with less foreplay next time and see... can always play some more afterward ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol trust me we do. hehe.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    \
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She needs to relax, its a must! I wasnt relaxed my first time which made it SERIOUSLY painful, then I realised that if I relaxed through the pain which was hard but needed to be done it was alot better. If she trys to focus on the good feelings rather than the bad and you help her to be relaxed, maybe some calming music or something it might help her as it sounds like she might be tensing up if its hurting you as well... Just a thought.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its probably also the fact the you are both expecting it to hurt now so at the point where you're gonna enter her she'll automatically tense up no matter how aroused she was before that point.

    I think you are probably doing the best thing, loads of foreplay and gradually I'm sure the pain will disapear.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lube. lube. and more lube. :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    otter wrote:
    lube. lube. and more lube. :yes:
    read the post. read the post. then read it again. :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What type of lube have you tried? If you have been using a water based one like KY jelly you might try a silicone containing lube.

    I've had this problem too for a long time with my boyfriend. Whilst things seem to have improved with just having more sex the biggest improvement was on ditching the condoms. Not that I'm suggesting it if that is not appropriate for you two at the moment, I'm just being honest in saying that it was what make such a difference for me and my man.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    superdrugs own lube is really good. Its just called "lube"
    not that weve tried loads.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it was clear Youngbull tried lub already and I think he knows what he is talking about, so I trust him when he says that lub don't do the trick, and I am pretty sure he tried more than one... It's not a question of lub...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah we've tried a few different types of lube. ditched the condoms (both went to the GUM clinic to get tested for sti's first. Plus shes on the Implant).

    We're going to try no to small amount of foreplay first (well move it to after having sex) and see how that goes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it might just be a case of her getting used to it then, getting loosened up.
    Can she not try and think of the pain in a kinky way?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well we tired the little or no foreplay last night, and it didn't really work. this is really starting to upset her, i told her its ok and after awhile we continued with the foreplay. After a failed attempt she got very tense about the whole thing.

    Any other suggestions
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    was it like that all the time or did it started when she started having nightmares and changed house? (I'm assuming it is the same one)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah its the same one (you've got a good memory there NMM). She said that shes never had this problem before. The first few times we had sex there wasn't a problem, its only started in the two weeks ago.

    We're both getting used to my PA piecring at the moment, as shes the first person i've had sex with since getting it. and i'm the first person shes had sex with one in. about 3 weeks ago i had to get a larger Dia. ring as the other was too tight. I've been wondering if this might have a bit to do with it as well. I suggested taking it out. but she said she likes it too much for me to get rid of it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Youngbull wrote:
    We're both getting used to my PA piecring at the moment, as shes the first person i've had sex with since getting it. and i'm the first person shes had sex with one in. about 3 weeks ago i had to get a larger Dia. ring as the other was too tight. I've been wondering if this might have a bit to do with it as well. I suggested taking it out. but she said she likes it too much for me to get rid of it.

    Well the trouble with piercing like the PA is that if the vagina (or the throat) isn't really deep or you are really big it can cause pain (gaggin for throat), sometimes the vagina wll stretch with time... the throat never obviously... I had one I had to remove it... I think it's best to have nothing that keeping it and be careful when at it...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The first bit is always the tightest - i think shell just have to put up with it for a bit until she loosens. Make it relaxed, a bit of foreplay not too much.

    IMO - Each session she will loosen up (as long as you keep with it) and then for the next session she will have tightened a bit again but will looson throughtout the session, until eventually she will stay a bit looser. well thats my theory anyway!

    Good luck and youll enjoy it a lot more soon!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like a shot in the dark here

    but you know how you can sometimes have allergies or intolerances to certyain things, perhaps she might have a slight intolerance to latex condoms, which has been brought on or amplified by other unknown factors

    as odd as it sounds, one of the girls that used to work with us at the club i work in, had this very problem, though she always told everyone, at least i knew the story so i could tell you all in here
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the thing that has us confused is the fact that this is a new problem the firest few weeks we didn't have a problem on in the last week or 2. I did think of something this morning the last week or so when having sex i haven't gone down on her. When i have in the past there wasn't a problem. Maybe now my tongue piercing is healed i'll try that again.

    Thanks for the idea MrG, only we dont use condoms
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well if it is something thats been fine in the past and is only recent, then take comfort that its almost certainly going to be only a temporary problem.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in the same situation, and because my gf and I have not had a chance to have sex reccently, it's much more painful for her for us to try and have sex than usual, even after extended foreplay sessions, and lots of lube. It's obviously a little frustrating for me, seeing as we have difficulty trying to have sex, but my main worry is the fact that she's so appologetic afterwards and going on about how she can't satisfy me, which is just silly & completely untrue. hopefully the situation with correct itself with more practice :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    remotebleeper wrote:
    Its probably also the fact the you are both expecting it to hurt now so at the point where you're gonna enter her she'll automatically tense up no matter how aroused she was before that point.

    I think you are probably doing the best thing, loads of foreplay and gradually I'm sure the pain will disapear.

    Yeah, I think thats probably it. It happened to me- it hurt so much each time that I just expected it to hurt the next, and next- hence tensing up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    another problem is that the more she worries about it hurting the more it will, even if it's subconscious.
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