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Confidence - Didnt Know Where To Put This
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi Peeps,
I feel i lack alot of confidence and i feel its stopping me doing certain things in life. I just want to be a confident person but how can i? is it just something that will make me like this for the rest of my life or is there something i can do to change this. I just feel that when i talk to girls and people that they arent really interested or the thought of rejection all the time. I hope i dont carry on with this all my life but it just feels like it is going to. Its like i been meeting this girl but it took me so long to meet her cause i didnt think she would like me even tho she kept telling me by phone calls and txt messages that she did......
Please Help...Its Destroying My Life!!!!!!
I feel i lack alot of confidence and i feel its stopping me doing certain things in life. I just want to be a confident person but how can i? is it just something that will make me like this for the rest of my life or is there something i can do to change this. I just feel that when i talk to girls and people that they arent really interested or the thought of rejection all the time. I hope i dont carry on with this all my life but it just feels like it is going to. Its like i been meeting this girl but it took me so long to meet her cause i didnt think she would like me even tho she kept telling me by phone calls and txt messages that she did......
Please Help...Its Destroying My Life!!!!!!
0
Comments
With other stuff in life though, you've got to get out there and do what you want. You can't be afraid of looking stupid (hard, I know). Loads of people will refuse to go to the gym because they want to be up to a certain standard before they do it in front of other people. And as a result, they never achieve anything. But every successful person in history has been crap at whatever at some point. Every band in the world was crap, but they did gigs anyway because that's the only way to get better and become successful.
I'm a firm believer that confidence with the opposite sex goes hand-in-hand with confidence in other aspects of life.
Yep, i firmly agree with this. If you can approach an extremely attractive, intimidating woman, whom you don't know, most other things in a life are a piece of piss in comparison.
Confidence was always a big issue with me, but for about the last year i've grown a lot in confidence. Since i've finished my education (Thank god!) and have started working, i'm much more confident dealing with people since i've been working in an office / sales driven environment. But to be honest i can't really put my finger on how the change came about. I guess i was just tired of worrying what people thought of me all the time and i just started to think 'fuck it', put it to the back of my mind and started to big myself up a bit. One prime example of this was my golf (yes old man's game i know! etc etc..!). I hadn't won anything for years and lack of confidence was definately the biggest factor in this. I was always worried about being a bit of a joke around the club, cus i was crap basically! Then i just thought fuck it, and started to stick it to everyone i played against, gave them some banter etc etc. Since then, i have won 4 tournements, am close to getting into the first team and my reputation now means most people genuinely fear playing me, which ofcourse puts me in the driving seat before a match has even begun.
So basically, i'd say, and i know this is hard, but stop worrying. Just start believing in yourself, telling yourself you're the man and even if you don't believe it for a start, you will eventually, cus i've been there and i know it. Everytime doubt or fear creeps into your mind, just say 'fuck off!' put it to the back of your mind and walk on. Everything i did, i used to be riddled with self-doubt and now i've almost forgot what self doubt is (apart from with girls, but i'm working on that and getting there aswell). This is the best advice i can give. Like I'm With Stupid says, no shortcuts, it takes time, but it's worth it - worked for me.....
For instance, start initiating conversations with random strangers. At the bus stop, while doing your laundry etc...Just talk to people, whenever you have a spare moment or are waiting for something.
Then build up to talking to girls. The leap isnt that big.
After that, once you feel comfortable, start doing it to attractive girls.
Say have a week or two to each of the stages. Just little things, to build them up.
Be prepared though. You will be facing rejction. Thats always my main problem, I never deal with rejection well. I tend to assume thats the main problem with lack of confidence, as I see it, the rejection issue. I have a friend who advised I purposefully go out that weekend and try to get rejected by as many girls as possible. Funnily enough, that helped. Kinda like conditioning.
Thats pretty much how I dealt with confidence, in a nutshell. Of course, you could try the other method I used...martial arts. Good for dealing with screaming belligerents in your face and getting used to feeling physical pain, but not so good for that kind of confidence you want. In my opinion. Some people may find it different.
Thanks Peeps. :thumb:
I suppose, I'm fucking useless at smalltalk.
IMO, I think confidence and fear are inter-related. I mean, u feel a lack of confidence when u are afraid that things may not go as u wish. So u've got deal with the fear and think "so what if i fall down flat on my face?". If u stop caring so much about goofing and making mistakes, the lack of confidence will diminish. And over time, when u start to realize that ur mistakes don't matter as much as ur ability to pick urself up after, then u will have confidence. That's my take on it. I hope it makes some sense.
you'll get to meet random people, even if just for a quick word that they liked your set. It all helps!
eh? where'd that come from?
Its his ex who is apparently over him COMPLEEETELY :chin:
ooooh, I see.
messy.
:yes:
It's his ex innit?!
look i dont care what you all say on here, coz at the end of the day the only two people who really know the full story are me and terry coz hes definetely left out the facts to make himself look innocent, but i dont care about all that.
i dont want any trouble, i dont want any arguements, i just wanna no what uve changed all my passwords too. if its not you then you know who it is, it can only be you or your mates, no one else has a problem with me to do that. i have people on my messenger from school and thats the only way we keep intouch now and kirsty from middlesborough, you know i dont have her number anymore, so please tell me my password.
we do NOT want to know about what is going on with you two. stop being so bloody pathetic and act your ages. oh wait, you're both 12. do forgive me.
if you and terry are the only ones who know the full story then leave it off the boards, eh?
as i said before you're giving lincoln a bad name. but wait there, you are from boston afterall.
:yes: It sounds like you're going through a bit of a rough time Mia, but you're not making things any easier for yourself by continuing this convo on the boards.
a tad harsh, me thinks.
they just need to stop bringing their business onto the boards and show a bit of maturity.