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Is it selfish to have kids after a certain age?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Some of my friends were discussing this, that its selfish to have kids after say...mid thirties? But in this day and age people are having kids later and later. One of my friends parents divorced and her mum had another baby when she was 39 and her dad had another kid when he was 44. Is it selfish as the kids will end up with old parents or doesn't it matter as long as you're a good parent?
A guy at my primary school had a dad in his 80s!
Sorry, this might end up in P&D but we'll see where it goes...
A guy at my primary school had a dad in his 80s!
Sorry, this might end up in P&D but we'll see where it goes...
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A 60some year old woman had a baby last week, so her other son of 3 years could have a play mate. Weird but still can't see the selfishness in it.
If you will be an old parent then i cant see a problem, shurly its better to have parents for only a short while that really want and are ready for a child, than parents that will be around for a large portion of your life but are not ready for a child.
saying that there are medical problems such as increased risk of downsyndome, low birth weight but once the child is born aslong as they are good parents i cannot see the problem
I don't think there should be a set age where youre 'supposed' to have kids..thats just stupid to me
I don't think that's too bad at all. Having kids when your 50+ is pretty selfish though - I reckon.
Me neither. Thankfully, I'm not in that situation - my mum was 25 and my dad was 28 when I was born.
i suppose there is the issue of a parent not being young and active enough to play with their kids, but does that mean that, say, a 25 year old with a minor disability shouldn't have a family?
then i guess there's the 'well they'll be dead by the time the child is 20' thing, which i guess may well be true (although my mum was 44 and my aunt 42 when my grandma died). but then people die in their 20s, and in their 30s, so a fair amount of kids wil grow up without one or the other young parent.
in the end i just don't think it's as simple as this example is right, this example is wrong. and i guess i'm just not comfortable with deciding that only perfect specimens of exactly the right age should be having kids. sometimes life just doesn't work out that way.
thirties is pretty young. forties is still ok. getting into the fifties and sixties is, yeah, probably too old to be thinking about a family, but this is the age where natural fertility tends to stop, for exactly that reason.
:yes: Wise words, ITA.
My girlfriend’s father is very old – into his ‘80s now – and what with all the stuff people go through in their teens and twenties getting their lives sorted out, having the additional burden of frail, elderly parents to look after and worry about can be a little too much.
My mum had me when she was 19, and now i'm nearly 20 and independent, my parents are still young enough to do all the things they want to do.
But then again, my stepdad is 52, and his son (my half-bro) is 7. My mum had him when she was 36. But my step-dad already has a 24 year old son, and seems really young for his age, compared to other 50 year olds I know.
Tbh, I think a perfect time for kids is when you've done just about everything you wanted to do whilst in your youth. So between 30-40.
thats what i thought but i wasn't sure, so i thought i'd stick it in here and see where it goes...some of my other threads such as the one about men honking at women turned into a massive debate! think i'll move it...
one that came to mind was Rod Stewart...he's in his 60s i think and has had another baby with a young woman (can't remember her name but she looks just like his ex rachel hunter) it makes me wonder if it occours to him that he's old enough to be the kids grandad, its a bit unfair on the kid.
Had this debate a while back when Paul McCartney's wife had a baby...
I wouldn't go as far as to say it was selfish though, and it obviously depends on the circumstances.
I would say anything up to 50 is OK - depends on your health, state of mind etc. My dad is 48 and my sister is two, but most people would guess he is in his late thirties. He is just physically and mentally not old. Also my step mum is only just 41, and in the same position. Just as long as you dont expect to lean on the kid for help before they are 30.