If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Essential support for under 25s
Essential support for under 25s
Take a look around and enjoy reading the discussions. If you'd like to join in, it's really easy to register and then you'll be able to post. If you'd like to learn what this place is all about, head here.
Comments
But that doesn't stop bullying being a problem, and doesn't mean that children brought up by homosexuals won't be bullied.
Just cos we know that the bullies are wrong doesn't mean they don't exist.
But while there still is prejudice in society, it is perhaps harmful for a child to be brought up by a homosexual couple.
Tackle the prejudice first, that's all I'm saying.
When placing children in families there is the problem of if in 7 years would the couple still be together, because they are not married there is more chance of an unstable relationship.
if you think that an unmarried couple a partner has no comittment holding them in place they can move away easily or sleep with another person. it is not fair for a child.
Same with gay couples they find it more difficult to settle down its the point that worries childrens charities that a child could be in danger (emotionally). imagine what it would be like for a child to grow up living with two dads or two mums the child will go to school thinking it is the way things SHOULD be or as mentioned could get bullied. I know that bullying is as likely to happen BUT a child of gay parents is more likely to be seriously bullied. This is not the main part of the story but in the short-term the child may not think about it but long-term may feel very upset or emotionally hurt by the fact he/she has gay parents. they may not feel able to talk to their parents as well and the PILES of a child need to be thought of.
Im not ruling out any possibility that a child cannot be adopted my unmarried or gay couple im saying that it is not as easy to say that a child will be fine. (im not saying a child is fine with married couples) im just saying that if an umarried couple were to split the child belongs to both and court cases are more likely. I dont think i have made much sense but the welfare of a chuld must be thought of. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
But how on earth do you assess whether they will make good parents if they have no children? Stability is everything for a child.
Whether you believe it or not, the fact is that married couples (especially those with children) are more likely to stay together than cohabiting/common law couples. Gay relationships likewise generally do not last as long as marriages. byny is an exception to that rule.
I agree with you that single people/ gay people might possibly make great parents, but the issue is a lot more complicated than that...
No sorry that really isn't true. I'm not stating an opinion here, it is a well-known fact. </STRONG>
Stability, but it's all changing now anyway, so you don't need to get your knickers in a twist about that anymore. We'll see...
What are you talking about? Are you refering to people like our parents who got married 20 years ago? In that case you are correct, but compared to straight couples today, with the divorce rates over fifty percent that's complete rubbish.
Kentish, you're perpetuating a stereotype that helps keep these antiquidated (sp?) stereotyps alive.
I didn't say that all marriages lasted forever did I?
Whether you want to believe me or not is another matter, but it is true that marriages last longer than commonlaw arrangements. That includes cohabiting couples, gay couples, whatever....
I appreciate that, but it's still difficult to assess whether someone will make a good parent if they have never had children. I think, as someone else already said, it's probably the legal issue of joint custody - if/when the couple split up the child will be subjected to a legal dispute over childcare arrangements...
I don’t know about elsewhere, but in the States, in places like Florida, people should be glad to get anyone who fulfills the adoption requirements to take up the children—-gay, straight, bi, single, divorced, or married.
The care that the state has these children in is dismal. There is a major problem of overcrowding and even missing children under state custody! There are children who the state is supposed to have, but are gone and assumed to be runaways without much of an investigation. One of these cases is a five-year old girl, she hasn’t been assumed to be a runaway, but she has been missing for a year without being noticed.
Children of gay couples may get teased, as do children of straight couples, but do you think they’d rather go home to an institution that cannot give them the attention they need, much less love, or would they rather go home to parents that love them and actually gives a damn about their welfare.
Stabile home, stabile home—-which of these is the most stabile home?
I’d go with the latter.
Unmarried couples - why not? as long as they are long term and serious about each other and the child theres no problem.
In answer to the question "gay parents isnt fair on kids" - its not the parents that are in the wrong or the child - its the narrow mindness of parents and their attitude they pass onto their children!
``I appreciate that, but it's still difficult to assess whether someone will make a good parent if they have never had children.``
that is true, but you cant be sure that a childless married couple will make good parents either. if you fulfil all the other adoption criteria then i would think we could safely assume that they would make decent parents.
[ 18-05-2002: Message edited by: rainbow brite ]
Where to start?
Bullying seems as good a place as any. Children get bullied every day, for a multitude of reasons, black, freckles, glasses, ginger hair, buck teeth, bat ears, one parent, multi racial parents, "you're gay", stupid etc etc etc
The supposition that a child may be bullied because the adoptive parents are gay is irrelevant. The child is just as likely to get bullied because he/she is in care FFS. I know my foster sister was. Bullying, or rather the potential for bullying, is just an excuse - surely that ability of someone to care for the child is more important.
Stability of a relationship. Approx 66% of marriages end in divorce, I suspect that co-habitation relationship will have a similar failure rate. How is this relevant? If there is no reason why a single parent cannot adopt, then why not a co-habiting couple? Why should there be the assumption that, just because a couple have decided that they do not need (what is in effect) a legal contract to show their commitment, their relationship is unstable.
So what boundaries should there be to adoption? Can you really, honestly, tell me that state care would be better than any of these other options? Because that is what you are suggesting...
I think a lot of people have actually totally misunderstood what I was trying to say. Someone had to provide a counter-argument - I did, and I stand by most of it.
Yes, bullying happens everyday, to lots of children, for many different reasons. And I think we all agree that bullying is not nice.
Therefore, the argument is that if you know a child is likely to get bullied for some reason, you do everything you possibly can to prevent it...and if that includes not allowing gay dads to adopt then so be it. </STRONG>
Very true, and I have said all along that if the choice is between a care home, and adoption, then gay parents or no gay parents, adoption wins. </STRONG>
I'm a firm believer in marriage, and I would suggest that children are better off brought up in a stable marriage.
That said, with a rising divorce rate, single people or cohabiters should not be excluded from adopting. But married couples should be favoured, everything else being equal. No, and that is not what I have ever suggested.
If gay (adoptive) parents are seen as better than state care, then they should always be allowed to adopt.