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Am I being over the top Paranoid?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was wondering if anyone could give me some advise...
Ive been with my bf for 2 and a half years now.
3 weeks ago, we went on a night out with a group of friends, one of whom brought a friend with her. I got on great with her (mainly cos we were drunk) and I introduced my bf to her , and left them chattin. He was drunk and kept hinting about threesomes and stuff (weve talked about it in the past but never had one)
Anyways, they swapped numbers and have been texting for 2 weeks. Ive seen the texts and theyre all totally harmless, no flirting or anything. When we met up with her again last week tho, my bf got drunk again an they were all over eachother. I didnt say anything at the time incase I seemed paranoid (plus I was too busy having fun woith my other friends all night) but I told my boyfriend I wasnt happy with the way they were the next day. he said he was drunk, and he was sorry, end of. Theyve still been texting constantly, again about harmless stuff, but he just admitted to me he has feelings for her, but he loves me and would never leave me or her. I feel uncomfy about their close friendship if he fancies her....am I being paranoid or have I right to be?
Confused, help!
sorry about the book, lol!
Ive been with my bf for 2 and a half years now.
3 weeks ago, we went on a night out with a group of friends, one of whom brought a friend with her. I got on great with her (mainly cos we were drunk) and I introduced my bf to her , and left them chattin. He was drunk and kept hinting about threesomes and stuff (weve talked about it in the past but never had one)
Anyways, they swapped numbers and have been texting for 2 weeks. Ive seen the texts and theyre all totally harmless, no flirting or anything. When we met up with her again last week tho, my bf got drunk again an they were all over eachother. I didnt say anything at the time incase I seemed paranoid (plus I was too busy having fun woith my other friends all night) but I told my boyfriend I wasnt happy with the way they were the next day. he said he was drunk, and he was sorry, end of. Theyve still been texting constantly, again about harmless stuff, but he just admitted to me he has feelings for her, but he loves me and would never leave me or her. I feel uncomfy about their close friendship if he fancies her....am I being paranoid or have I right to be?
Confused, help!
sorry about the book, lol!
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Comments
If after the drunk night they wouldn't had any contact it would have been
ok, but it sounds quite strange to keep in contact so much with a girl other than your gf... specially after just one night...
If his relation with her was suppose to be pure friendship and with you love, he
would have no trouble stoping being in touch with her...
Also if he fancies her, then it's not friendship is it...
It'll always tend to be flirting and you don't want that...
I think you should tell him to decide, if he can't choose love over "friendship", well is he really worth keeping?
He spent the whole evening by her side, from the times I was over she was telling him about her peep hole under wear etc, and walking up the road she was doing typical flirty things like stealing his hat so had tpo fight her for it back.
Thanks for all the replys guys,
she sounds nice!!
it's a bit out of order, but maybe he thinks he isn't doing anything wrong.
ha, what i was thinking but didn't want to say
Lol..what sounds nice about her?
She probably is fine, but not when shes being "nice" with my boyf :impissed:
think that was sarcasm tbh
As he says he has feelings for her but loves you, he should stop texting her to avoid affecting your relationship, and try not to spend much time with her when you're out.
There in the very first post!
you're right, it was!
They didnt snog. She was all touching his leg while she spoke, jumping on him, lots of physical contact and flirty touching! Looking back I dont know why I didnt go over
you've discussed threesomes before, he saw this girl, realised he fancies her and because of this probably wants a threesome with her.
And also after being with you for over two years, he's saying that he wouldnt be able to choose between you and her?
Sorry but i think your letting him walk all over you. He doesnt respect you whatsoever for flirting in front of you. He clearly isnt satisfied in the relationship because he fancies other girls and hints about threesomes with them. He is acting as if he is single.
He needs to learn that this is not how you act if you "love" someone.
Make him choose. If he chooses her then your better off rid of him.
And no, your not being over the top paranoid.
Sorry...think that was a typo making it look like this. He said he would never leave me FOR her.
Well i would be paranoid if i was you (to be honest i would of break down n tears if i saw them at it) so your being very strong in this situation and you are being very reasonable about this situation after he told you about how he felt by her, but to be honest you might need to ask him to carm down on the texting to this girl caue it could go on to more as i said.
this is what i wanted to say but it's all been said for me!
Don't make him choose between the two of you, but make it quite clear you will not have a threesome, and you will not have a threesome with her. Tell him straight out that his behaviour is unacceptable, and that he is really upsetting you by acting like that.
I'd also suggest to this girl to keep her hands off your man.
Flirting is one thing, but this seems like its gone a bit too far. I get the feeling that he just thinks its a lark, a way of getting his threesome, and he needs to be told that it isn't a lark, and that drunk or not his behaviour needs to stop immediately. He'll be lapping the attention up, who wouldn't, two fit women clamouring after his body. He needs to be told it isn't harmless fun, and it must stop.
Don't ban him from seeing her, but make it quite clear his dreams of a threesome will not be realised, and that you are very upset by his behaviour.
He's been very honest about it, which is commendable I think. It shows he can be trusted. He just needs to be told to behave.
But equally I think he could have been 'honest' to try and test the water with her. To see how much he could get away with.
i think liking the look of someone and saying you fancy someone you're in regular contact and flirt with are 2 totally different things. and the fact he took her number i think is totally out of order, he has no need to keep in contact with a girl he's only just met and clearly likes!