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Essential support for under 25s
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well i don't really want to talk to my mum for the rest of the day, i'm too annoyed and upset.
Yep pretty much and i don't really know what else to say on the matter really.
You won't get anywhere unless you tell them (calmly) how you feel, and suggest a compromise (a few have been suggested on here). If you're really as responsible as you say you are, then you'll accept their desicion, no matter how unfair you think it is.
You're parents do seem overly protective, but they're only looking out for you. As much as you say they get on with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean that they will trust him as much as you do.
i always accept what they say but to be honest i do think they're crossing the line, i don't want to go on 'accepting' stuff that isn't fair
sometimes you need to stand up to your parents
I do think they're being unreasonable, but I also think that 'standing up to them' wouldn't be the best thing to do. Not only would they still probably stop you going, but they'd try and stop you doing other things too. That's why you've got to learn the art of diplomacy. Good luck.
I think that your parents should give you the freedom a 16 yr old deserves. but you do probably need to sit down with them and talk it throight calmly :thumb:
my brother said to try dad but she just went mockingly 'you can try' my dads a lot more laid back than her but now im not sure
Yeah it's understandable that they would look out for you and everything, but jeezzz they are being way over the top.
I don't think any amount of talking is going to get through to them to be quite honest, as you've obviously tried many times before. Just leave it, and keep showing them that you ARE responsible and grown up. Yes. You are.
Maybe (fingers crossed) they will see how mean they are being and give you a bit more freedom etc.
Parents like this annoy me. I mean parents should be grateful if they have kids that don't get high, don't get drunk, don't shag around and don't ever terrorise the entire neighbourhood when so many do. Grrr.
as has been said previously, you need to respect their wishes or they have you proved their gut instinct was right, if you were to say "no, im going" then, obviously you cant make a reasonable decision...
just my 2p
as someone suggested, get your mum to talk to his mum. my mum used to be a bit over protective and always wanted to talk to friends/boyfriends parens before i stayed over just to put her mind at rest.
you said sometimes you need to stand up to your parents, so do that. they wont like it but if youve tried explaining to them, if youve shown you're responsible then it sounds like its the only way.
to be honest if i was you and you still havent convinced them by the summer, id just go anyway.
Infact it is probably the fact you're obviously so responsible that they are so protective. I mean, the kids at school who were the most...unruly where the ones who's parents didn't set boundaries.
The best suggestion i can give is to (as much as you can / have) earn their trust, and talk to them about it closer to the date.
i asked what i'd done wrong to not be able to go, nothing
so i asked if they thought i was irresponsible, no
so i asked what the problem was....''what kind of parents does it make us look letting our 16 year old daughter go and stay with a 19 year old in his own house?''
to me that sounds like they care more about what other people think...they said if he still lived at home (he only lives round the corner from his mum) then i could go. But he doesn't so i've got to wait till im 17 (a whole year) and then its a 'maybe'
I still think its unfair as my best mates are in LDRs but can go stay with their boyfriends. I just want to meet his mum and friends and just see what his life is like down there. Rather than him coming up here all the time. Because we never get any privacy.
Thenthe problem is theirs.
Tell them what you've told us. If they don't understand that you shoudl kick off. You are old enough and you certainly seem responsible enough, just tell them your going anyway.
Christ, I'd go insane if I had to be in at 10. I always know that even if I say I;m not coming home but I go out and get wreaked I can always come home anyway. No matter what time it is.
Tell them that you want to go, it means a lot to you, and you are old enough. Blanket bans without a very good reason are unacceptable.
If she refuses to discuss things further, then just go anyway. If diplomacy doesn't work, then just defy her.
Exaclty.
if he lived at home still then i could go...and he only lives around the corner from his parents!
that's what i was thinking. my mum is really easy going and always gave me a lot of freedom and trust (although like fiend i had proved to her time and time again that i could be trusted) and she nearly had a heart attack when i told her i was going to meet someone i'd met on the internet. and i was 21 at the time.
if you want to kick off and go anyway, try it. it might possibly get you what you want, but the next time you ask something similar, do you know what the answer will be? i'll tell you: no.
what i would do is have a calm adult discussion about it. don't ask to go, don't whine if she says no. just tell her it makes you feel like she doesn't trust you when you are not allowed this kind of freedom. tell her why you're upse,. tell her you know you're only young, and you understand why she's worried, but you are mature enough to behave (change to whatever is true)
if she still says no, i would just accept that she isn't going to budge for the moment. it might not be fair, but to quote mothers all over the world: life isn't fair. and if she sees that you're being reasonable about it and accepting her opinion on the matter, she may well start to respect yours.
Why not just tell them you're off to his house and walk out? Stop being so submissive, go and fucking do it! That's the only way to counter your mother's dominance - ignore her.
And if you do ignore her and go anyway. Make sure you keep in touch and don't fuck things up. Show her that you can be responsible without her input.
i.e don't come back and tell her you had a shite time and got wrecked etc
I agree with the rest of what you say, to an extent, but not this bit.
A leopard never changes its spots. If a parent cannot be bothered to give a decent reason to deny something, then they will always be like that. If you see something means something to your kid, and they are 16, then the very least you owe them is an explanation. 16 is young, but a 16-year-old isn't a bairn anymore.
My mum wasn't happy when I went off to meet internet people, and she explained why. She explained that she wasn't happy, and wanted me to take every protection- she even sent my dad with me, to the same town at least, once. I was only 16/17 at the time.
But sometimes its better to not tell them, and just do your own thing. I know people who've had boyfriends up and down the country, and the parentals never knew. Because they'd have been mongs about it if they did.
i see what your saying, and i may be wrong, i just have very clear memories of myself and my friends at that age, and when we said 'she won't even give a reason' what we really meant was 'she gave me a reason, and it was one i didn't like and couldn't counter, so i am choosing to ignore it'.
defying the parents gets you what you want, definitely, but in my experience it's also a one-way ticket to burnt bridgeville. and it's very hard to get back from there.
Oh, there's always that to it. You only ever get one view in threads like this.
She sounds like she's being unreasonable, but all parents of teenagers are if you listen to the teenagers.
I think the mum owes a decent reason. "You're too young" is not a good enough reason- old enough to pay adult train fares, old enough to travel as an adult IMHO. And nor is "what would the neighbours think?"
A lot of parents are far too protective and sheltering of their children, and its wrong to be. A lot of parents care too much about Mrs Nosy-Parker in number 37. That's how it is. NOt letting teens spread their wings is bad.
I agree again.
But if a parent is always going to be unreasonable- and how parents treat their teens is generally how they treat their adult children- then what difference does it make?
Soemtimes they have to learn that your old enough to think for yourself and that whilst you would like their support, it isn't a requirement.
1. you're too young
2. what kind of parents does it make us look?
or
3. because you're just not
:yeees: i don't think these are good reasons
so i don't really think you have that many choices, if you've tried the whole talking to them, being reasonable, being responsible. like i said before, try and compromise. if that doesn't work, well i'd just go.
but the summer is still quite a way away so you never know what might happen between now and then. you'll have had another few months to try and convince your parents and to show them that you can and will be responsible. they may come round.