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Boyfriend lying to his parents! HELP

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay I just have a quick question.

If your going out with a guy for about six months and have not met his parents, is he just not in love enough or serious enough??

In my case my boyfriend is 26 and I am his first girlfriend by the way. My boyfriend has not told his parents that he has a girlfriend! He says he is afraid of what they are going to say. My boyfriend still lives with his parents! I hate that when we hang out he lies to his mom saying he is with guy friends at school!

So if his parents dont know about me (his girlfriend) is he using me or not loving me enough??

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe it's his parents fault or a mixture of both. Maybe they don't want him to have a girlfriend, or maybe he's just scared because his 26 and you're only the first.

    Though the solution is easy, just tell him to wise up and take yo to them. And if he says no, just call at his house and say "Hi I'm X's girlfriend, please to meet you"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe he's shy and because you're his first gf he doesn't know how to tell his parents.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ladyplath wrote:
    I hate that when we hang out he lies to his mom saying he is with guy friends at school!

    He's 26 and he tells his mum he's hanging out with guys at school? :confused: Why is it so important to people to meet your partner's parents in the early stages? I'm not arsed at all but maybe I'm just strange.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    Though the solution is easy, just tell him to wise up and take yo to them. And if he says no, just call at his house and say "Hi I'm X's girlfriend, please to meet you"

    maybe a good idea or maybe he would kill you :p

    i would advise him to get a spine he's 26
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mel-H wrote:
    maybe a good idea or maybe he would kill you :p

    i would advise him to get a spine he's 26

    He does still live with his parents though :|

    Maybe its a Norman Bates type of situation.

    To be serios though, hes 26, he lives with his parents, he can't even tell his parents the truth on where he goes at night, and thats still after 6 months. No wonder why your his first girlfriend. You may like him but from the sounds of it hes not worth your time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ladyplath wrote:
    Okay I just have a quick question. If you're going out with a guy for about six months and have not met his parents, is he just not in love enough or serious enough?
    Well, I've got to admit to a little bias when I approached this question. I personally would be very hesitant to take any girlfriend to meet my parents. My parents know this, and they didn't react well at all to it. Reasons why are, too simply I'd be too nervous of what their reaction would be, and we don't get on particularly well at the best of times.

    It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you - it's probably just a sign that he doesn't get on well with his parents. If you're in any doubt, just suddenly ask him out of the blue, "so why won't you let me meet your parents, then?".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend's 25 and still lives with his folks. Doesn't make him a Norman Bates type psycho, he's just enjoying a huge, rent free house. Spoilt brat. :grump:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend's 25 and still lives with his folks. Doesn't make him a Norman Bates type psycho, he's just enjoying a huge, rent free house. Spoilt brat. :grump:
    I've seen several guys who still live with their parents - I know one that lived with them until he was 40! Only then did he move away. I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend. :(

    I'm determined not to do the same thing, though. I'm off to university later this year, after which I'm hoping I can move out of here for good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    or maybe he's got someone else?

    just ask him. :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    or maybe he's got someone else?
    just ask him. :yes:
    Now that's just reading too much into it. No girlfriend and then two come along at once? I'm finding it hard to imagine such a thing myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's an option.

    maybe he was lying about her being his first bf; i don't know do i?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Geez. You need to seriously consider if you want to be with a bloke who, at 26 years of age, can't tell his parents that he has a girlfriend.

    After that ponderation, why not take the initiative and introduce yourself to them as his gf. You are in their house after all, it's only polite :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote:
    Geez. You need to seriously consider if you want to be with a bloke who, at 26 years of age, can't tell his parents that he has a girlfriend.

    I have to agree, he is 26, yet he can not tell his parents that he has a girlfriend after 6 months of being together.

    Ok so my boyfriend who was 26 when we started going out did not tell his parents about me until after about a month. But that was because he really thought there would be no point until we where both sure about the relationship, as he is 6 years older then me. I think he was also slight worried about what his parents would say about me being that much younger then him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just ask him bluntly, tell him you really want him to tell his parents that you are together, as a sign of his committment to you. if there seems to be some really big issue with telling them then theres probably something wrong in the family set up- some sort of control thing, and at 26 he really should be able to face up to the issues he's presented with.
    just make sure you are both honest with each other- you about your concerns and wishes, him about his reasons.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lots of people are having to move back with their parents these days in their 20s, or just never actually leave home, it's a problem caused by the high house prices and high council tax- lots of single people cannot afford to move out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the Replies; heres something else

    "After that ponderation, why not take the initiative and introduce yourself to them as his gf. You are in their house after all, it's only polite" ~Turlough

    =Nope I have never been to his house, he hasn't let me into his house. He drove me to his house and showed me where he lived but is totally afraid of me going in there as a his girlfried. He has three sisters maybe that could be a reason?

    "Though the solution is easy, just tell him to wise up and take yo to them. And if he says no, just call at his house and say "Hi I'm X's girlfriend, please to meet you" ~Mist

    =But about calling him up and saying I am his girlfriend, that wont happen. His family is weird they never answer the phone to strange names that appear on caller ID. His mom was home my boyfriend told me that when I was calling and she wouldn't dare pick up my call. So it is just bothering that I have yet to meet the most important people in his life
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can I ask who old you are, is he a lot older then you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am 25! this February. Yep this is a weird situation
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hes never even let you into his parents house? This seems very very shady.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I know its depressing! I want to do something but I have asked why I can't meet his family and he's like afraid of what they are going to say. It will end up to the point that I wont want to meet his parents when he finally presents me to them, as I have some expectations about them. I dont know what to do!grrrr But thanks for everyones posts.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really don't know what to suggest, other then to talk to him about how the fact that he has not told his parents about you is making you feel. Try to get him to open up to you about why he has not told them, may be there is something that is worrying him.

    With he and my boyfriend it was the other way round really, he told his parents in about a month where I waited a couple more months as I was worried about what they would say about the 6 year age gap, plus I really thought it would be best to tell them face to face. Which was a bit hard when I was up in halls.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Seems a bit wierd. Is there anything else that could cause him to be nervous about it? Different race or religion? Have you actually seen his family? Maybe he's embarrassed about them for some reason. If you think this is the case, then I guess it'd be a good idea to reassure him that you won't judge them at all, or think any different of him after meeting them. I think the longer it goes on, the harder it's gonna be when you first meet and get that "so how long have you been going out?" question.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm naturally suspicious sometimes but this sounds a bit odd. There shouldn't be a reason that you can't go to his house. What's he hiding?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote:
    I'm naturally suspicious sometimes but this sounds a bit odd. There shouldn't be a reason that you can't go to his house. What's he hiding?
    Just what I was thinking.

    Does he really live with his parents? Maybe he actually lives with his wife and kids!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well he is 26, so even if they are a bit unhappy about it there's nothing they can do to stop him having a relationship.

    Remind him of that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd ask him why he hasn't told his parents about you and why he's never let you go to his house.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe he hasn't told his parents that he is straight and he's worried how the will react when he tells them?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Randomgirl wrote:
    Maybe he hasn't told his parents that he is straight and he's worried how the will react when he tells them?

    Good thinking.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think we all go through that stage of being scared of what our g/f or b/f parents are going to say. i went through what you are going through that stage and i just confronted my g/f and she said why she had not told her parents. so i would say just bring it up in a conversation and see what happens
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