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Jokes!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
hehe i need a laff post your jokes ::crazyeyes What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger
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To see his flatmate!
that was my fave when i was little
a blonde and a brunette were walking down the road, and the brunette turns to the blonde and says "ahhh, look theres a dead bird". the blonde looks to the sky and shouts, "where? where?"
that is often told in my presence lol!
A man met a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend
the night with him for $500. So, they spent the
night together. In the morning, before he left, he
told the girl that he did not have any cash with him,
but that he would have his secretary write a check
and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent for
Apartment."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had
done, realizing that the whole event was not worth
the price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed
a note:
"Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find a check in the
amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not
sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented
the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat;
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it had been
previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and
that it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent
back the following reply:
"Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you
expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied
indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it
if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space,
the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't
have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame
the landlord.
The bloke says that that sounds good.
And the old man says I've forgotten where I live!!
He asks the man,"Where did you get such a big lighter?"
The man replies,"See that man playing piano over there? He's a genie and he'll grant you one wish." So the guy walks over to the genie and says,"I wish for a million bucks." All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says,"That genie is a little hard of hearing isn't he." The guy replies,"Yeah.You think I asked for a 14 inch bic?"
"You see, young people today don't care for their health at all. Look at me; I never had sex until I got married at 30, I never smoked, only drank a little alcohol on celebrations and always watched my diet. And if I may say so, I think I look young for my 90 years!"
The other one says:
"Nah, that's just myths. I'm pretty healthy myself, and I've been with more women than I can count, I actually lost count at about 200. Also I've been smoking 5 packs of cigaretted a day since I was 14, and every night I got completely wasted."
"Really? And how old are you, if I may ask?"
"I just turned 25!"
Heard that one some years ago.
moral of the story: keep your condoms in the car!
Chicken butt
The students were disgusted, but the teacher insisted they must all do the same before the lesson could continue. So, one by one, they put their finger in the butthole and licked it afterwards.
Then the teacher continued: "The second quality is that they must be observant. I put my middle finger in the corpse, but it was the index finger that I licked."
lol
made me laugh
Her tampons behind her ear and she can't find her pencil :sour:
xxx :crazyeyes
He was having car trouble so he took it to the mechanic to get it fixed.
The mechanic explained it should only take about half an hour so off penguin goes for a walk.
He returns later and the mechanic says "You've just blown a seal"
Embarrassed the penguin replies wiping his lips "NO i havent ive just had an ice-cream"
The first one asks "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The second replies "nah, but ive been swung around by the tits a few times"
Toto is at his nana.
Toto and his nana want to go to the zoo, but toto's nana only have
1 euro to take the bus to the zoo and the bus fare is 1 euro per person older
than 6 years old. So Toto's nana said to him:
"When we are on the bus if the driver ask you how old you are,
say you are 6 years old"
Toto agree and they both go to the bus stop.
The bus arrive and they both get in.
The bus driver ask Toto:
"Hi little boy, how old are you?"
Toto replied
"I'm 6 years old"
The bus driver:
"And when are you going to be 7?"
Toto replied:
"When I get off the bus"
Oh, I full out peed myself laughing so hard at that one.
in there, but after discussing it with my girl, well I am not going to post it.
It is damn funny tho, but would probably get me banned... so... just can't...
A bit too sadistic apparantly...
:banghead:
-Oh my! A kidnapping?
-Yeah, but then the kid woke up.
hehe... nice one... :thumb:
It's not.
IT wasn't sarcasm, I truely thought it was funny. I've been sitting in wet pants in a wet chair for 5 hours and 10 minutes not because of him
Shame really though, they keep the adult diapers right between the printer cartridges and rubber bands, I could have easily gotten one had I any warning of the intensity of the joke.
And plase, don't encourage Kleefar
There's 20 of them.
What's small brown and found in kids pants?
Michael Jacksons hand.
An English man, Irish man and Scotsman walk into a pub, the bartender looks at them and says "what are you supposed to be, a joke?."
Ok the first two jokes are prolly bit wrong and rude for this forum, so sorry if i have offend anyone.