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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    beans wrote:
    Needs, ha.
    Personally i think any guy that dumps a girl because she won't sleep with him, especially if she a 15/16 year old virgin, is a bit of a dickhead. And as you well know there is a lot of difference between 30 year olds and 15 year olds so you can't really compare, but yes the 30 year old guy would still be a dickhead.
    In my opinion of course.

    Men generally have a higher sex drive than women - that's what you're not taking into account.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    Men generally have a higher sex drive than women - that's what you're not taking into account.
    you're suggesting his sexual needs are the most important thing about a relationship
    if a guy is with a girl just for the sex (especially when she isnt) then yes he is a selfish fart in my opinion
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    So at 16 you should just do. Fuck the parents, yet they provide you food, shelter, whatever you want, but screw them. Your old enough. You sound like a 14 year old trying to sneak out.

    I'm 16, I can do what I want, when I want, except for support myself, live on my own, drive and do the necesities of life :crying: I'll go stay with my boyfriend who also lives with his mommy and daddy *stomps off*

    (by the way, age of consent is 18, you cannot even smoke till 18, voting, 18, you are legally a child until 18 true, but now remeber this is about staying at your parents and i know that this comment will have people say, yer but american rules are retarded lololololol!!!111)

    ETA: I do know the age is 16 there, but its still the same, you cannot even drive at that age. Maybe you could ask the boyfriends parents to pick you up? Maybe they can make you breakfast the next morning and take you to school ;)

    You sound like a hillbilly :rolleyes:

    Only an absolute cunt of a parent would throw their child onto the street because they exercised their legal right to individual autonomy.

    I see the US patriachal system is as sado-masochistic as ever :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    you're suggesting his sexual needs are the most important thing about a relationship
    if a guy is with a girl just for the sex (especially when she isnt) then yes he is a selfish fart in my opinion

    No, I'm not at all. But if someone's sexual needs - male or female - can't be satisified in a relationship, then that relationship isn't going to work. And no-one can rightfuly criticised from ending a relationship when they aren't happy/satisfied.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    You sound like a hillbilly :rolleyes:

    :

    yee haw, did you know I only have one toof and car parts scattered across my lawn? :yes: Quite the comment there, usefull and intelligent

    And I do believe I sated though, there was no need for, oh america, comunists lololol!!!!1111, it has no relivance to this thread. I'd feel the same way if I could fuck and drink at 7.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    No, I'm not at all. But if someone's sexual needs - male or female - can't be satisified in a relationship, then that relationship isn't going to work. And no-one can rightfuly criticised from ending a relationship when they aren't happy/satisfied.
    but also...if someone isnt willing to wait untill the other person is ready then it isnt going to work
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    but also...if someone isnt willing to wait untill the other person is ready then it isnt going to work

    Why bother to wait, if you don't love the person?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Agree totally. I have a similar problem with that- I'm not ready, and all he keeps on suggesting we do is to have fucking sex!! :mad:
    maybe you should have a word with him then? take it you're a virgin? if so then he should respect that and stop pushing you
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    Why bother to wait, if you don't love the person?
    its not fair if you've told them you love them etc, if its just a relationship for sex and you both know that and are ok then fair enough
    otherwise, if its meant to be a serious relationship then there should be no whining/pressuring involved
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    its not fair if you've told them you love them etc, if its just a relationship for sex and you both know that and are ok then fair enough
    otherwise, if its meant to be a serious relationship then there should be no whining/pressuring involved

    Relationships and sex are inseparable.

    Anyway the point is whether leaving someone because they ain't willing to shag classifies someone as a "dickhead" - which is clearly ridiculous.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if they refuse to do it EVER then theres obviously something up there
    but if they're not ready, and the other party is too selfish to wait...then thats not fair. but then again that person is probably better off without someone like that
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    yee haw, did you know I only have one toof and car parts scattered across my lawn? :yes: Quite the comment there, usefull and intelligent

    And I do believe I sated though, there was no need for, oh america, comunists lololol!!!!1111, it has no relivance to this thread. I'd feel the same way if I could fuck and drink at 7.

    Do your parents still tell you what to do?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    Do your parents still tell you what to do?

    Did you ever do what your parents told you?

    You seem to think there's some inherent shame in obeying your parents' rules and requests in terms of behaviour [all the while being their dependent, I might add].
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    Do your parents still tell you what to do?

    :yes: They call me every night to make sure I've brushed my teeth, I call them when I'm going to go out, sometimes I call to ask if its alright to use the oven to make dinner... :lol::lol::lol: Just kidding, I dont cook.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    Did you ever do what your parents told you?

    You seem to think there's some inherent shame in obeying your parents' rules and requests in terms of behaviour [all the while being their dependent, I might add].

    Geeze whore, get with the times. When your hard enough to steal lasagna you obviously can't listen to your parents ever. It would be well shamefull. Parents are a form of authority!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Actually, spliffie is right. It's not a very nice truth to say, but if you aren't in love with someone then why stick around waiting for them to be ready? It works both ways.

    If one person is mature enough to want sex, and one isn't, then the relationship IS a mis-match. One thing you should never do is cave in to a demand because of this blackmail, but if one person wants sex and one doesn't then the relationship has problems. At 15 or 16, why wait?

    I have some sympathy with the "my house, my rules" argument, but at 16 a person is old enough to know what they want to do. Parents should be there to help children avoid mistakes, but good parents know that children need to make their own mistakes, and learn from them in their own lives. A person cannot be mollycoddled through their life, and parents need to take a step back and let their children make mistakes.

    It's a hard thing to do, and one many parents can't do, but the sign of a good parent is to say to their 16 or 17-year-old that they are making a mistake, but go on ahead anyway. Children at that age need to be given some rope away from the nest, to be given the safety of home but be allowed enough room to go and make their own mistakes.

    The amount of rope should be limited, but to say to a 16 or 17-year-old that they have to be in bed by 9pm is stupid. On a weekday, when they are still at school, then fair enough. But as soon as a child passes their GCSEs, in my book they are responsible for going to school, and it is their tough shit if they don't.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and the age in the US is 18.... and Im 18 and can buy lottery tickets and cigs and porn but I would still never dare to ask or just go to my bfs house and spend the night and we have been together for 8 months. Granted I dont live at home anymore (well right now I do because im on winter break for 5 weeks) and my parents or his cant stop him from coming and staying at my apartment. but that is MY apartment which I pay for etc etc, while Im in my parents house I follow their rules simple as that.
    i'd understand you not having him round but i don't get whats stopping you going over to his, i don't see why you're parents would mind, you are an adult and it gets you out
    thats if its ok with his parents of course if hes living at home still
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:

    I have some sympathy with the "my house, my rules" argument, but at 16 a person is old enough to know what they want to do. Parents should be there to help children avoid mistakes, but good parents know that children need to make their own mistakes, and learn from them in their own lives. A person cannot be mollycoddled through their life, and parents need to take a step back and let their children make mistakes.

    It's a hard thing to do, and one many parents can't do, but the sign of a good parent is to say to their 16 or 17-year-old that they are making a mistake, but go on ahead anyway. Children at that age need to be given some rope away from the nest, to be given the safety of home but be allowed enough room to go and make their own mistakes.

    The amount of rope should be limited, but to say to a 16 or 17-year-old that they have to be in bed by 9pm is stupid. On a weekday, when they are still at school, then fair enough. But as soon as a child passes their GCSEs, in my book they are responsible for going to school, and it is their tough shit if they don't.
    kermit please can you tell that to my mother? its annoying because my dad has your attitude...''they're 16, they can think for themselves and make their own mistakes and we'll still be here for them''
    my mum however is majorly over-protective and she knows it....like in my other thread i mentioned that i wanted to try the pill (for bad periods and not contraception) and she freaked out and said no. Which i think is unfair because i'm 16 and she went on the pill for exactly the same reason when she was my age.
    I think i may get my dad to talk to her....she's not giving me enough room.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You should talk to your dad about it, definitely.

    And as said in the other thread, you should just go to the doctor and get it anyway. It's none of her business if you're on it or not.

    Parents needs to allow children to cock up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    Did you ever do what your parents told you?

    Like what? I went to school, came back, went out...what would they tell me what to do at 16 :confused:
    You seem to think there's some inherent shame in obeying your parents' rules and requests in terms of behaviour [all the while being their dependent, I might add].

    If someone's happy to go along with whatever their parents want, there isn't a problem. The problem arises when there's a conflict of interest. As i've said, if you prevent a 16 year old from going out, going to parties and getting drunk then they're going to suffer socially, lag behind their peers in maturity and become deeply unhappy.

    16 is the age where you should be carefree and living life as much as possible. It's the age when you should be learning the ropes of adulthood. Preventing someone from doing that can ruin someone's teenage years.

    Just because you're still largely dependent on parents doesn't mean they should exercise illegal control over you. Decent parents respect that autonomy and still provide for their children.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    kermit please can you tell that to my mother? its annoying because my dad has your attitude...''they're 16, they can think for themselves and make their own mistakes and we'll still be here for them''
    my mum however is majorly over-protective and she knows it....like in my other thread i mentioned that i wanted to try the pill (for bad periods and not contraception) and she freaked out and said no. Which i think is unfair because i'm 16 and she went on the pill for exactly the same reason when she was my age.
    I think i may get my dad to talk to her....she's not giving me enough room.

    If you're still not getting autonomy after starting dialogue...then don't mention things like the pill. Make your own decision and go for it - if needs be, just do your own thing and push parental involvement out of your life. Don't think you need to explain everything to them - because you don't. Start doing rather than asking - if they see you are acting independently rather than seeking permission, they may begin to accept your autonomy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    Decent parents respect that autonomy and still provide for their children.

    Thanks for the definition of decent parents, I'll be sure to pass that along to mine when I see them.

    I guess it all depends on your perspective, a few years ago I would've been arguing from your side, but now I can see it from the perspective of the parents too. I can see why you're encouraging independence, but for most young people it will involve hurting their parents and/or breaking their trust.

    I really take issue with your assertions that you can't grow up to be a rounded, socially integrated person without sex, alcohol and partying. But obviously they're what you see as important qualities/experience in a person. Don't take the piss by saying that being allowed to stay out late, drink and shag equals maturity and happiness (?) beyond that of your peers who aren't doing those things. It's a possible outcome, but it's by no means set in stone.

    For what it's worth, I wasn't allowed to go out whenever I wanted but I did anyway to do all the things I thought were oh-so cool at the time; drink, smoke, have sex and all the rest. I don't feel any more mature than my more-sheltered friends and peers for it, but I do feel sad that I hurt my parents so much in that period. It's just probably my own experience that's making me argue this, I can see both sides to be honest, I just can't agree with the advice you're giving.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    if you prevent a 16 year old from going out, going to parties and getting drunk then they're going to suffer socially, lag behind their peers in maturity and become deeply unhappy.

    that is absolute crap!

    like ive said, neither i nor anyone else i know that age was allowed to do these things and none of us ever suffered socially or lagged behind, as u put it!

    it seems this is just your excuse for doing whatever the hell you want!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    Maybe they are in a relationship where sex is required for the continuance of that relationship, or to take it to a higher level. Maybe they're ready to have sex, want to have sex, and need to have sex in order to fit socially and mature in-line with their friends?

    That's all highly likely with 16 year olds.

    And what happens if parents try to prevent that someone from having sex, or doing whatever? Arguments, resentment and social problems.


    you can have sex during the day, y'know.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    I really take issue with your assertions that you can't grow up to be a rounded, socially integrated person without sex, alcohol and partying. But obviously they're what you see as important qualities/experience in a person. Don't take the piss by saying that being allowed to stay out late, drink and shag equals maturity and happiness (?) beyond that of your peers who aren't doing those things. It's a possible outcome, but it's by no means set in stone.

    No, that's not what i said at all.

    If your pals are getting drunk, partying and shagging - and you want to do likewise - then being stuck at home when they're out having fun is going to cause problems. You'll become distant from your friends, you'll be left behind, and you'll lose out what is potentially the best time of your life.

    When you do leave home...go out...start doing that sort of stuff...you'll be way behind many others.

    In such a circumstance, is that fair? Is it beneficial? Of course it isn't - it's harmful.

    At University i know such people - people who i feel genuinely sorry for. They're thrown into a world of independence and they're way behind other people. It's a real shame.

    Drinking/shagging/partying have nothing to do with "qualities". Life experience, yes - if you're independent, you learn from your mistakes, and you learn quickly. You become worldly wise and build up the basis for a strong, independent character. At a young age, this is invaluable.

    Everyone is different, that's the point - what's good for one is bad for another. Promoting independence backed up with sound advice and support (on sex, for example) is evidently the wiser parental strategy.
    For what it's worth, I wasn't allowed to go out whenever I wanted but I did anyway to do all the things I thought were oh-so cool at the time; drink, smoke, have sex and all the rest. I don't feel any more mature than my more-sheltered friends and peers for it, but I do feel sad that I hurt my parents so much in that period. It's just probably my own experience that's making me argue this, I can see both sides to be honest, I just can't agree with the advice you're giving.

    But that's actually a vindication of what i'm saying! I'm addressing parental attitude more than anything else - had your parents been more liberal and respected your independence, would there have been a problem?
    that is absolute crap!

    like ive said, neither i nor anyone else i know that age was allowed to do these things and none of us ever suffered socially or lagged behind, as u put it!

    it seems this is just your excuse for doing whatever the hell you want!

    That's a reflection of you and your social circle. Totally different stoy for many, many others. What was fine for you isn't by default fine for the rest of us.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you can have sex during the day, y'know.

    Right. So shagging someone and lunchtime is somehow more acceptable than shagging some at night?

    :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no, but you're saying stopping them from staying over at night time is stopping them from having sex.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no, but you're saying stopping them from staying over at night time is stopping them from having sex.

    I'm not saying it will stop them by default. If you ain't able to go to parties and stay out at night then it certainly has considerable potential to cause social/sexual problems in that regard.

    Anyway...all you're doing is highlighting the fact the problem lies with parental attitude.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    Geeze whore, get with the times. When your hard enough to steal lasagna you obviously can't listen to your parents ever. It would be well shamefull. Parents are a form of authority!

    How the fuck is stealing a lasagne "hard"?

    Considering the fact i'm 20 and have my own flat totally negates any conception of obligation to parents anyway.
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