Should I just cut my losses?

Former Member · January 2006

rainbow brite wrote:

i just wanted to offer a bit of support too from someone else whos been there. It feels SO shitty when its happening but dont carry on in a dead end relationship just because its what you know - I did for 9 years, when in hindsight I probably should have left after the first year or two. Its amazing how easy it is to just go along with it, and then wham - where has your life gone? He never really was what you thought he was, otherwise he wouldnt have done this. Surely if youd have been doing that with another guy youd see it as indicative that you maybe didnt love him as much as you used to?
Leaving someone doesnt mean those years are wasted though. Its made you who you are - good and bad. nothing is a waste, its all a learning experience. Besides, can you really call it "you leaving him"? If it was a job theyd call it constructive dismissal.

Thanks for the advice RB, he got here aroundd 5 and we went out for a drive because he felt uncomfortable around my flatmates. It's over, though, I think it was my decision...but like you said he'd made the decision for me. It's not as though there was any way to do it with dignity. We just sat there crying for ages, and then we came back and he left. I then went to the pub, of course, which in hindsight wasn't the best idea.

I can't quite beliieve thats' the end of that, so quickly and without any fanfare or drama. I want to text him now and take it all back, or wake up tomorrow and have dreamt it all. I don't even know that i feel sad, just empty...devestated really I suppose.

Former Member · January 2006

*hugs* i sort of know how it feels....well only he didn't cheat but he ended it just like that....it was like he'd slapped me in the face and was just like....WHAM! over....
It does take a while to get your head round what happened. I wasn't even 15 when it happened to me, but we hadn't had any problems and he just got cold feet and ended it out of the blue which i guess is what hurt the most. I made the mistake of going out to a party the night it happened...well i was dragged out and people kept buying me drinks to cheer me up and after a while i was up on the dancefloor. Felt even worse the next morning!
But yeah...it will take a while, it was months before i was even myself again. But i think sometimes it might be easier to end it because it wasn't working/someone cheated because at least then you have good reason to end it. Instead of ending up like i did....wondering what i'd done, wondering why he ended it. And then ending up suicidally depressed. Which i'm sure you won't

whenever you start to regret it or whatever....just remind yourself what he did. He obviously has no respect for you....do you really want a guy like that?

Former Member · January 2006

briggi wrote:

Thanks for the advice RB, he got here aroundd 5 and we went out for a drive because he felt uncomfortable around my flatmates. It's over, though, I think it was my decision...but like you said he'd made the decision for me. It's not as though there was any way to do it with dignity. We just sat there crying for ages, and then we came back and he left. I then went to the pub, of course, which in hindsight wasn't the best idea.

I can't quite beliieve thats' the end of that, so quickly and without any fanfare or drama. I want to text him now and take it all back, or wake up tomorrow and have dreamt it all. I don't even know that i feel sad, just empty...devestated really I suppose.

You are better off without him my pretty x

Former Member · January 2006

In some ways it would have been better for you if there had been a huge slanging match. It gives it the finality of a fanfare.

I'm thinking of you, hon. I haven't got anything to say what those three muses 1983, Miffy and RB haven't said already. If you need a car to get your stuff I only live down t'road, and I'm "between jobs" at the minute anyway:)

Former Member · January 2006

even though you wish that it didn't happen and that you can take it all back, just keep reminding yourself it was all for the best since he obviously doesnt deserve you!!!

and the only thing i have to add i guess is that "time heals all" (so i've been told lol)

Former Member · January 2006

Kermit wrote:

In some ways it would have been better for you if there had been a huge slanging match. It gives it the finality of a fanfare.

I'm thinking of you, hon. I haven't got anything to say what those three muses 1983, Miffy and RB haven't said already. If you need a car to get your stuff I only live down t'road, and I'm "between jobs" at the minute anyway:)

A slanging match would most definitely have been very gratifiying, you're right, in the short term anyway. Too late now anyway, and I suppose I can feel mature and dignified...well to a degree.

Thanks for thinking of me though; if and when I decide to go and get my
millions of things from his flat I'll most definitely bear that in mind, you're a darlin'.

Violette wrote:

Oh you

It's so horrible when you actually KNOW you've done the right thing by ending it, but you would give anything to take it all back.

How true. I'm wavering between being incredibly regretful, feeling really lonely and being proud of myself for not drawing the entire thing out. I suppose it's a combination of the three, at least I've got things to do that take my mind off it/him.

Basic Instinct & MzInnocent, thank you two, these are the things I need to hear right now I think.

Former Member · January 2006

at least you've got your dignity intact. don't waste the rest of yourself on someone who doesn't deserve it.

slanging matches are all very final and stuff, but you don't half make a fanny of yourself. you have done the best thing by walking away, leaving him looking like a tit.

hope you feel better soon

Former Member · January 2006

briggi wrote:

A slanging match would most definitely have been very gratifiying, you're right, in the short term anyway. Too late now anyway, and I suppose I can feel mature and dignified...well to a degree.

Thanks for thinking of me though; if and when I decide to go and get my
millions of things from his flat I'll most definitely bear that in mind, you're a darlin'.

How true. I'm wavering between being incredibly regretful, feeling really lonely and being proud of myself for not drawing the entire thing out. I suppose it's a combination of the three, at least I've got things to do that take my mind off it/him.

Basic Instinct & MzInnocent, thank you two, these are the things I need to hear right now I think.

Just speaking the truth huni, if you need a chat, PM me x

Former Member · January 2006

kaffrin wrote:

you have done the best thing by walking away, leaving him looking like a tit.

Hee, that gave me a good giggle. Thanks for that.

Basic Instinct wrote:

Just speaking the truth huni, if you need a chat, PM me x

Cheers, will deffo do so.

Former Member · January 2006

i love the way kaff words things :thumb:

Former Member · January 2006

Basic Instinct wrote:

Just speaking the truth huni, if you need a chat, PM me x

me too! xxx

JsT · January 2006

Not much I can say that hasn't already been said. It does sound like your better off without him anyway. Just remember to keep your chin up

Former Member · January 2006

lets get shitfaced together again, and rant about how shite this world is

Former Member · January 2006

JsT wrote:

Not much I can say that hasn't already been said. It doesnt sound like your better off without him anyway. Just remember to keep your chin up

I hope you mean it does sound like I'm better off without him.

But I know what you meant, and yeah I probably am. Thanks, hon.

MrG we'll definitely go out on the pop soon, ranting is most definitely in order.

JsT · January 2006

briggi wrote:

I hope you mean it does sound like I'm better off without him. But I know what you meant, and yeah I probably am. Thanks, hon.

MrG we'll definitely go out on the pop soon, ranting is most definitely in order.

It was 4am and I was pissed.

I'm most sorry

Former Member · January 2006

briggi wrote:

Hee, that gave me a good giggle. Thanks for that.

i'm like catchphrase. just say what i see.

and the way i see it, handling a break-up the way you have attracts sympathy. handling it by ranting and screaming and torching his house/car/belongings attracts pity.

people are thinking 'poor love, how could he do that to her', rather than, 'poor desperate, crazy lady.' you are doing well. stick with it!

Should I just cut my losses?

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