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Parent Affair
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I found out today that my Dad has been having an affair with a girl half his age.
My Mum is really upset and took an overdose, but is going to be ok.
I'm going to stay with my Mum from tomorrow until the weekend, but I'm not sure what to say or do to help. Especially when my emotions are very up and down about the whole thing myself.
Anyone ever been in the same situation?
My Mum is really upset and took an overdose, but is going to be ok.
I'm going to stay with my Mum from tomorrow until the weekend, but I'm not sure what to say or do to help. Especially when my emotions are very up and down about the whole thing myself.
Anyone ever been in the same situation?
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Comments
All you can do is be there for your Mum. There's not a lot else really... I stayed with my Dad and was just there for him. I had some pretty good mates I could talk to and get my emotions out away from my Dad.
I'm really glad your Mum's gonna be OK. If you wanna talk about it, give me a PM. Good luck mate, look after yourself xxx
Just have a laugh and help her take her mind off things, she may be emotional but she'll be grateful!
My Dad just came to the house to tell us my Nan has had a stroke.
Things just keep getting worse and I feel so useless.
I'm finding it really hard to cope with everything that's gone on and stay strong for my Mum.
Off topic, but it seems really unfair to blame the parent that left because they left...
Ok her dads in the wrong but *hellie* it depends on your relationship with your nan as to how you feel about this. Your mum needs you thats a fact. You need to do what you feel is right. It might feel like the worlds coming to an end at the moment but im sure it will all work out. Dont do what anyone wants you to. Just go with what you feel is best!
Good luck, hope it all works out!
Yeah, you're right. The way someone leaves a relationship and family could be really hurtful.
I don't think it is. The one who breaks the family, its their fault.
Amicable splits are very much different.
Why, exactly?
If someone strays away from home then they are the ones to blame for the breakup of the marriage. If there are problems and they decide to break it off amicably and then go off with someone else, then it is fair enough.
Not too often I agree with Kermit but her is 110% right in this case.
In response to the original poster, I have never been in a similar position. Be there for your mum, give her your support.
Even worse what if one parent has only their name on the deeds of the house is having affairs and tells the other that if they split up they will be homeless? Extreme examples but then a generalisation like blaming one parent is ignoring all these extreme cases.
But that's not true, someone could stray from a marriage because it is broken.
Then they should leave, not have an affair. Really, this is pretty simple.
Anyway this thread is not the place for such arguements, hellie was after advice, not an investigation.
If for example a husband is violent and the wife has an affair and the new guy gives the woman the strength to leave or the place to go to when she leaves then can you really say that she is solely responsible for the break-up of her marriage?
OP. In my experience parent politics are complicated and there is often more to things than you, as the "child" gets to hear about. Try not to block your Dad out especially not just to please others such as your mother or other family members.
Although, despite the pain he's caused your mom, I wouldn't get too annoyed at him, after all, you don't know the full story yet, so, if he tries to explain, give him the chance to before you get too worked up.
I'm sure it must be upsetting for you to go through this but surely if your mom and dad come out happier, that should make you happier? Maybe you don't see that yet but it's still early days.
Don't worry.
My Mum walked out on us for a different fella. Her exact words were 'I can't live like this anymore, I want my life back.'
So, get this. She had a loving husband and two well-behaved kids (I'm not blowing my own trumpet, but we don't cause trouble). She didn't have to work, she'd been looked after and loved by a family for over 18 years. She couldn't even sit down with my Dad and tell him she was unhappy. Yet, she tells us she wants her life back. Without even trying to sort it out - because she's a selfish bitch.
It is attitudes like yours that let people like my Mum get away without a bad reputation. My Mum was a complete bitch and still is - and she doesn't deserve any kind of sympathy from anyone. But it's people like you that give her false reasons for her behaviour.
It winds me up. Not that you can't tell.
I think the point was no individual case. Plus giving one example hardly seems fair to justify generalising a huge group of people. I don't think it's really nesscesary to be quite so aggresive, chill out katrella wasn't trying to let people do bad things and get away with it. Katrella was just pointing out that its not always the case.
It sounds to me like she's never been in the situation though. |Which gives her no right to make assumptions. At least I've been there - I gave my account of what it's like as an example.
You being in the situation does not mean you know what it's like every time. If anything you are more biased. Katrella has at no point said that it isn't ever the one that walks away just that it isn't always which is a sensible comment. Plus you are now making the assumption she has never been in a similar situation so I don't see what grounds you had to be so aggresive.
My situation is certainly detailed, and if I want to 'harbour animosity towards my mother' then I will. It's not she has ever made any effort with me. But, answering your question in details would then make me look agreesive and biased, so I'll keep it to myself.
It was my own personal experience and opinion. It wasn't meant to be seen as aggressive. I'm not assuming katralla hasn't been in the same situation - I said 'it sounds like'. If she has, then fair enough. She can put me in my place and tell me.
I don't think Katralla ever said you shouldn't harbour animosity. She was arguing that its not always the walk aways fault. That was all. Which I reckon is fair enough. One experiance doesn't mean that every single case is the same which was all that was being pointed out.
She asked me what I gain from it.
I was arguing - like some other people - that in my opinion, in most cases it is the walk-aways fault in the way of an affair. If we're talking about amicable splits and other situations, then different opinions apply.
Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, so yeah, I agree.
I gave my experience to back up my opinion.
My parents split up when i was 17...i'm 23 now. I probably took it harder than my brother and sister cos i'm the youngest and was around at home more when things started getting horrible. I personally blame both my parents. I blame my mum for leaving and promising to take me with her and then not at a time when i must admit i was scared of my dad, and i also blame my dad for his alcoholism and subsequent violence which was one factor causing my mum to leave. However on the other sides, my brother solely blames my mum for walking away and wont talk to her, whereas my sister blames my dad for his behaviour and wont talk to him...my life is very complex.
*hellie* you are going through a horrible time right now. Your mum needs a lot of your time and support. However dont forget your feelings too. I have only, in the past year or so started to come to terms with everything that went on, as at the time i had a rubbish boyfriend, and although i did talk to my friends, i was a bit closed off about it. My boyfriend of 3 years now has listened to me slowly over time, when i have wanted to talk and he's been fab. Dont bottle your feelings up cos of feeling dutiful to ignore yourself and help your mum. I would also say you should visit your gran, as im assuming she had no part in your dad's affair? One of the worst parts of my parents split was not seeing my family, who i used to see so regularly, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...as for your dad, you know your feelings about him, and if you are ready to see him properly. Chin up, make sure you talk to someone about your feelings, and i hope your mum gets better soon *hugs*