Bit of a problem,...

Former Member · January 2006

At this age, I shouldn't really be worrying, but it's a bit depressing. I'm 14, 15 in 5 months and I've never had a girlfriend, not even a "non-serious" one. Hell, I'm not even looking for anything serious. Problem is, I'm expelled from school so I don't really meet any girls. What makes me worry something's wrong is, a lot of kids have had sex or at least done something sexually at this age and I've never even been or hugged anyone, let alone anything else, and a lot of kids are starting to look into more "serious" relationships at 14 and have had loads of little bullshit ones. I'm not even looking for anything serious.

People tell me "not to worry about it" and it's "best to stay single", but the people who tell me this are the people who never really have been single, or at least, if they were, they wouldn't stay like it for long, hypocrits really.

My first question is, what can I do to meet more girls.

Secondly, I know at this age, girls are more into the hott, attractive guys, and it isn't until they get older that they start to go for the personality more.

Am I ugly, I'll post a few pics:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v686/cof2/PICT0280.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v686/cof2/PICT0181.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v686/cof2/PICT2246.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v686/cof2/PICT2130.jpg

And please don't start all this "omg ur emo" crap, I'm not "emo" and have never been "emo". Let's talk and debate like civil adults :yes: .

Thanks for any serious replies.

Former Member · January 2006

Well first I would like to point out, that you are not ungly, you look like most boys of your age, even boys your age looked like that when I was that age at school, which was 7 years ago.

Two I've only had one relationship in my life and that started January 2005 when i was the ripe old age of 20. So don't panic about it.

Three, once you reach this age you begin to realise that most of the stuff said on the playground/at school about what people have or has not done sexually, is just a load of rubbish. As everyone is just trying to impress their friends. Even girls do this.

Yes you are right girls of your age are more into looks then personality in general, but we must do grow up of it at some stage, I would say in a couple of years time.

Former Member · January 2006

So, you reckon around 16 girls start to mature mentally and forget about looks so much?

Former Member · January 2006

well from what i can remember of the time around my GCSE's most of me friends had boyfriends, and I would say that they where like you look wise, but they where really funny people. So at a guess I would say that was why they where going out with them, because they where fun. When I said a couple I did not literally mean couple as in 2, but more 2-3 years depending on the girl. As everyone matures at a different rate.

Former Member · January 2006

hey!
dont worry about things, it isnt a competition. i think you're right, alot of girls that are younger than 16 or 17 do focus just on looks, and often this can be just to impress their mates with their 'fit b.f'. You aren't ugly, and i dont know why girls dont like you.
Are there any places that do gigs round your area?? This is not meant as an insult or a judgement, but i know you aren't emo, you do look kinda like it+so maybe thats what people see. im not sayin that's bad, but it isnt everyones taste, so maybe getting to know girls first would allow them to see the real you??

Former Member · January 2006

Well, you're expelled and that make's you a bad-boy as some people say.

You can say that I suffer from the exact problem you're having right now. I haven't had any experience at all. Even worse, the whole problem is emphasised when you see other people with their feminine girlfriends with small skirts. Few people on thesite haven't kissed until they became 17.

I will try asking someone out on Valentines day. When you're as young as you and I, you don't get pulled. You have to get one on your own.

Clicky.

And one at my vacation:

Here.

I have had a haircut though.

I don't know if anybody really likes me. Frankly, I don't care anymore. It's only given me depression.

Hey, it's positive! I have dedicated myself to my school work now. The only thing I do nowadays is work. This has given me the best marks in the class.

You're choice. Girls won't come to you - guaranteed.

Former Member · January 2006

The stuff you hear going around about "everyones had sex" is mostly bullshit. If people are saying they have then they probably havent.

Secondly 14 is really young and serious relationships are rare.

Who cares if you havent had a girlfriend yet? Enjoy your childhood while you can. You have the rest of your life to find a girlfriend! I didnt have my first boyfriend til i was 18, and i know people my age (21) who havent kissed anyone or been in a relationship.

Oh, and no your not ugly but you need to pull your trousers up

Former Member · January 2006

14 and a half (ok 7 months) is incredibly young, I don't think the idea of a real relationship had even crossed my mind at that point.

You seem intelligent and you're certainly not ugly, so you have nothing to worry about in terms of attracting girls...it might just be a while until a suitable lass comes along. Try not to dwell on it, have fun and the perfect girl might turn up when you're least expecting it. Then again, it might be a couple of years before the circumstances are right for you to have a "real relationship", especially if you're not mixing as freely with your peers as you would be in school. Just out of interest, are you planning on going to a different school?

Former Member · January 2006

Most of my friends hadn't even talked to a boy by the time they were 14 and most of them didn't really have boyfriends till they got to university - one didn't have a proper boyfriend till she was 24. You've still got pleanty of time - most of the kids who say they are sexually active at 14 are lying or they had a quick fumble once and brag about it for ever more.

Your not ugly and i'd say that having been expelled would probably make you more attractive to most girls. Are you going back to school in the near future?? My advice would be to find out where girls hang out and go there- or maybe hang around shopping centres waiting for random girls to appear.

When i was 16/17 we used to go and find random men on the streets of london - we wern't very sucessfull and its probably not a very adviseable way to go meet people though.

Lastly - having gone to an all girls school the other remedy was to find someone who's parents were amiable enough to let them have a party and then find someone who knew a boy and get them to ask the boy and thier friends, maybe if you know a one girl you could get her to invite some friends - however the key is to go for younger ones - so you need to find a girl about 13 or 14ish (when we were about 14 we were looking for boys who were about 16)...

Former Member · January 2006

I don't think you should worry about it. Like someone else said, even though you say you're not emo (i won't get into an emo debate because real emo isn't what people call 'emo' anyway i'll shut up), it might be cool to check out some of the under 18 gigs in your area? Loads of people there and that was like...basically where everyone met when i was that age. Just went to see some local bands or whatever, and the place was always heaving. Dead good fun too. Haha, use your time out of school to learn guitar, starta band. Chicks dig guys who play guitar.

Oh, and seriously 14 is nothing. It's really not. I know you probably expected people to say that but anyway...At 19, i've just got in my first real relationship...i wouldn't worry about it at all. Just go out and have fun.

Former Member · January 2006

Well, I forgot to add this, currently, I'm not aware of my position in terms of schooling. The council have been looking into school for me to attend (no other "normal" school in the area will accept me) and it appears that I might be going to an all-boys boarding school, which won't help my situation, but there is a slim chance I might be going to a normal state school.

But what ever happens, I probably won't be any school for a good few months yet.

Former Member · January 2006

burninginme wrote:

Am I ugly,

Actually I find you kinda cute ..

Former Member · January 2006

burninginme wrote:

But what ever happens, I probably won't be any school for a good few months yet.

Out of curiousity, what got you expelled?

Former Member · January 2006

i was nearly 15 when i had my first bf, it only lasted 2 months, and i've been single for over a year (although i kind of have a boyfriend now, which is the same guy but its complicated) and the only contact i had with a boy during that time was one of my best friends boyfriends (who im good friends with) gave me a cuddle because i wasn't very well when i went round.
Seriously, it's nothing. I know for a fact everyone at school seemed to be in relationships but it was casual showing off relationships which never lasted.
Most of the time, being a bad boy isn't a good way to attract girls. If you want 'serious' stuff then they'll want someone mature.

Former Member · January 2006

quarfly wrote:

Out of curiousity, what got you expelled?

Oh, the average disrupting class and fighting (which I deeply regret and I am not proud of one bit, I was really immature and I feel I've matured a lot over the past 6 months of being out of school, and I have grown and matured to find violence disgusting). Also, a lot of the teachers in the school only liked the "academic" kids and as I'm not that academic, they back-up having me expelled. Basically, they want an easy time and don't want to put in any effort to help kids who struggle.

Former Member · January 2006

Why does it matter at your age anyway?

Former Member · January 2006

Chart Freak wrote:

Why does it matter at your age anyway?

Ask the majority of kids that.

Former Member · January 2006

burninginme wrote:

Ask the majority of kids that.

Most of them are probably lying - well about the sex anyway. I know loads of people who are my age (16) who don't have boyfriends/girlfriends. You seem to be one of these people who thinks that because your friends have something, you need to have it...

Former Member · January 2006

Let me just say, I agree with everyone else. You're not ugly in the slightest. You're 14, and you're not going to look like that forever anyway, so you've got nothing to worry about. I'm a completely different person to who I was when I was 14 - in looks and personality. - we all change as we get older.

Secondly, I'm 19 (nearly 20) and single (and very virginal!). I've not had a real boyfriend yet - so I'm more than qualified to tell you, being single at 14 isn't a bad thing, and definitely nothing to be ashamed of.

Have you thought about joining any clubs in your area? Do you have a youth club or anything like it? I went to a youth club when I was your age and met loads of new people, it also made me more confident, mixing with others my age.
How about getting a saturday job? You'll meet loads of new people and earn some pennies too! It's a start...

Ilora x

Former Member · January 2006

At 14 people are always talking about sex, but what they say isnt always true. I mean i remember my mate saying he inserted the fat end of a wkd bottle (the big 1 litre size) into a girls pussy. lol sounds stupid and unrealistic now but at the time everyone thought it was really impressive! just shows how peoples view change

To be honest with you, going to an all boys school is one of the worst things you can do in my opionion.

To meet girls, going to partys is the best way. Also a haircut cut might do you some favours, but thats just what i think - im no expert. be prepared to look out for girls a year or so younger, i think 14 year old girls often feel too mature for boys their own age.

Former Member · January 2006

I didnt have a boyfriend till I was 16.
I certainly wouldnt worry about not having had one at 14, seriously. Just enjoy it.

Former Member · January 2006

burninginme wrote:

Oh, the average disrupting class and fighting (which I deeply regret and I am not proud of one bit, I was really immature and I feel I've matured a lot over the past 6 months of being out of school, and I have grown and matured to find violence disgusting). Also, a lot of the teachers in the school only liked the "academic" kids and as I'm not that academic, they back-up having me expelled. Basically, they want an easy time and don't want to put in any effort to help kids who struggle.

well to be honest if you don't make an effort to learn then eventually they'll give up on you and concentrate on the ones that make an effort
thats how it is....personally it annoys me when the same old idiots cause trouble then moan saying they're not learning anything

Former Member · January 2006

Ahh matey, I reckon I'd do ya if you were 22.

Seriously man, chill... I didn't get my first kiss until I was16 and my first boyfriend, I was a 'swot' in school and a 'nerd' (i.e. I could read and stil had my virginity at 12) and never got any play...

So are you going to any other schools or whatever?

You can meet girls everywhere, do you have any under 18 rock nights in your area? Pardon me for assuming things by your images, but it sounds like your scene.

Former Member · January 2006

-[MoonRat]- wrote:

You can meet girls everywhere, do you have any under 18 rock nights in your area? Pardon me for assuming things by your images, but it sounds like your scene.

I've said it once and i'll say it again, those things are a perfect way to meet people. Hell, if there wasn't one here, i'd have put one on myself. Best fun ever.

Former Member · January 2006

Alright?

Couldn't be arsed to read all the replies, so I thought I'd just jot down some of what I remember from secondary school.

It's good that you don't chuck yourself into the emo pool, because nothing stresses me out more - however, you do look the stereotypical image of an 'emo'. Obviously you already know this.

I can't remember getting much, or any girly attention before I was 15ish(?), and at that age I'd had the short spikey hair thing which girls liked. I had long hair before, and I had long hair after (around 17) and the amount of girl attention I got significantly dropped. Basically it's a mean fact that the majority of girls aged 14-17?.. Whatever.. do not like lads with long hair. And here was me thinking my split ends were the shit.
Anyway, something else I noticed: the girls who did like chaps with long hair tended to be the rocker birds who swanned around after the chaps who wanked guitar fretboards... and emo's. I'm not saying be something you're not, I'm saying find out what you are and then start getting in with new groups of friends - people you like. When I was in your shoes either people didn't have the bollocks to go for their emo trends before the age of around 15-16 when it all developed or I had the wool over my eyes and it went undetected (unlikely).

Bottom line, go and meet some girls, shave any facial fluff and then be yourself.. Unless you know you're a dick, in which case don't be yourself. I'm sure you're a nice person.

GL HTH

Former Member · January 2006

ImaginaryDreamer wrote:

I agree

I was 15 before i got into my first even farce of a relationship so dont worry, and the fact that you got expelled gives you an aura of bad boy which quite a lot of girls like so, dont worry, you'll find someone

or a lot of girls might just think hes a bit useless

Former Member · January 2006

MrG wrote:

or a lot of girls might just think hes a bit useless

Oh never, I love men who are lifers at McDonalds

Former Member · January 2006

my_name wrote:

Oh never, I love men who are lifers at McDonalds

well i only worked for them for about a year and a half

Former Member · January 2006

MrG wrote:

well i only worked for them for about a year and a half

So your not going to be the 50 yr old burger maker? Loser

Former Member · January 2006

i might be the over 50 drinks server :chin:

Former Member · January 2006

I don't think going to an all girls boarding school would be the end of the world - In my experience kids who go to boarding school (I very almost went so had to go and try it out for a bit) might be cooped up in term time but they more than make up for it during the holidays.

Also my all girls school had links to the all boys schools in the area and arranged loads of things with them - apart from the nearly always dreadful discos - the best being the annual ski trip which was really cool and meant you met lots of people of the opposite sex.

Also join a youth club as someone said - you might need to do some hunting to find the right one and be prepared to get on the bus - where i grew up depending on what kind of thing you were into you went to a different youth club ie the chav's went to one, the godly people to another and the rockers to yet another one. One of my friends is about to marry the girl he met at youth club (abiet a good 11 years further on) so its definatley a good place to consider.....

Bit of a problem,...

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