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What gives him the right?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right this is a long story I'll be as quick as I can.
A few minutes ago I recieved a text from an old college friend, who I really enjoyed spending time with between classes as he was funny and I could just sit there and talk to him. Well for some reason he thought I wanted to take it futher, but I did not as he seemed to have quite a few girlfriends over the first year at college, but they all meant nothing to him, he really did like me though as I was different to them, as I did not go round chasing men.
Well we decided to stay friend and we still see each other every now and again, plus we text each other at times (well mainly he texts me first). Normally to moan about not having any real friends or a girlfriend, he has not had one since college, so for about 3 years but he has meanage to still have the odd sex.
Anyway now that I have a boyfriend he seems to text me every holiday period asking how I'm and if I'm still with my boyfriend as he still believes that if he got together with me he would be different. As I am the one who would be able to make him commit. (Oh my god he sounds like Daniel Cleaver from Bridget Jones).
Well to day he texted me asking how I was and if I was still with x (my boyfriend). To which I replied that I was fine and we where still together and have booked a holiday together and have talked about marriage and kids which is scary but we are in love. To which he replied never rush something like marriage, you are at uni you should be smart, love can change. You both won't be the same forever. Live with someone first. Well this message really made me mad, its almost as if he istrying to tell me how I feel and how I should live my life. So I texted back We have only talked about it and have decided not until I have finished uni and have a job.
Why does he keep doing this? Can he stand that fact that I am in a happy and loving relationship.
Sorry I did not mean it to be so long I just had to get it off my chest.
A few minutes ago I recieved a text from an old college friend, who I really enjoyed spending time with between classes as he was funny and I could just sit there and talk to him. Well for some reason he thought I wanted to take it futher, but I did not as he seemed to have quite a few girlfriends over the first year at college, but they all meant nothing to him, he really did like me though as I was different to them, as I did not go round chasing men.
Well we decided to stay friend and we still see each other every now and again, plus we text each other at times (well mainly he texts me first). Normally to moan about not having any real friends or a girlfriend, he has not had one since college, so for about 3 years but he has meanage to still have the odd sex.
Anyway now that I have a boyfriend he seems to text me every holiday period asking how I'm and if I'm still with my boyfriend as he still believes that if he got together with me he would be different. As I am the one who would be able to make him commit. (Oh my god he sounds like Daniel Cleaver from Bridget Jones).
Well to day he texted me asking how I was and if I was still with x (my boyfriend). To which I replied that I was fine and we where still together and have booked a holiday together and have talked about marriage and kids which is scary but we are in love. To which he replied never rush something like marriage, you are at uni you should be smart, love can change. You both won't be the same forever. Live with someone first. Well this message really made me mad, its almost as if he istrying to tell me how I feel and how I should live my life. So I texted back We have only talked about it and have decided not until I have finished uni and have a job.
Why does he keep doing this? Can he stand that fact that I am in a happy and loving relationship.
Sorry I did not mean it to be so long I just had to get it off my chest.
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Comments
you mention "he still believes that if he got together with me he would be different", does he say this, or is it something he said once and you are extrapolating?
However, if after what.... 4 years? he is still very interested in you then maybe it might be best in both your interests to tell him where he stands and that he needs to get on with his life rather than waiting for you, which inevitably, may never happen.
Don't give him a hard time though, to hear that from someone who obviously means so much to him would cut really deep.
There's no real advice I can give you other than to ignore what he has said, it should be like water off a duck's back - I don't think it's a case of him telling you how to run your life. It's probably a mixture of jealousy and him being a bit of a knob, try and forget it.
He does sound jealous, it probably isn't right for him to say it, but what he said is fairly accurate. He sounds like he regrets not having you, and when he's back it hits home more. He'll get over it.
To me, he sees you as "the one that gone away" whilst he was dipping his pen in a lot of differnt inks. He will get over it eventually, but maybe you should ease contact with him, or tell him those types of comments aren't appropriate while you're currently seeing someone.
What he said is probably right, but he shouldn't be saying them unless he's a very close friend. And he doesn't sound like he is.
Thank you
I have not contacted him since we left college, he always texts me first it normally only a couple of texts at a time and only about 4 times a year. I don't mind talking to him, if we do bump it to each other when we are both at home, as he is a really funny person and it was fun spending lunchtimes in the park with him and other friends. What I don't get is why he has to make comments about me and my boyfriend espcially since he has never meet him.
i do know where you're coming from though, i would be annoyed that he seems to think he 'knows better' than you to be able to make this comment that, considering his history with girls, he clearly knows nothing about. just ignore him honey.
Sorry to bring this up again, but now I'm his dating agency. He has just asked me if I know fit lonely ladies. :mad:
Jealous of what? The fact that I not single and thus I can't just go off and sleep with the first person I meet. Personally I don't think i could ever do that, I need to be in a loving relationship before I sleep with someone.
However this pattern of text messages is a common thing that happens every few months and now its just getting beyond a joke. One summer he as texting and phoning me 3/4 times a day begging me to sleep with him this happened for about a week and I had to tell him that if he did not stop I would report him to the police. It has never got that bad since. So that is why it gets to me so much when he started to say things like he did yesterday.
You can do this?????
Yes he does, but now it only seems to be the a couple of texts every 3/4 months.
Thank everyone,
I'm changing my mobile number.
My new sim should arrive tomorrow and as I was having problems with a sort of ex boyfriend, (we never really went out) they are going to give me my new sim for free and give me £5 free credit so that I can text everyone in my phone book. The lady I spoke to in the shop was really understanding as her daughter how is my age also had a ex boyfriend how was hassling her, so she siad as I've been with them for 6 years £7 was not going to kill the company. (Well she was the manager).