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Preventing attackers? Advice needed!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
Hello people,
Well the area where i live is quite nice but at the same time, like most places these days, there seems to have been attacks and all sorts within a short distance away (i live quite close to the city) Anyways, so my girlfriend is walking to work yesterday and she swears there was someone following her and as soon as she got to the main road he stopped and turned back.
Im not sure whether or not she is paranoid or not but im not prepared to risk it. Please can anyone tell me what she can legally carry to help her against attackers. Pepper spray and mase are illigal here right? I know a knife is haha.
Anyways any advice is always appreciated.
Thanks
Well the area where i live is quite nice but at the same time, like most places these days, there seems to have been attacks and all sorts within a short distance away (i live quite close to the city) Anyways, so my girlfriend is walking to work yesterday and she swears there was someone following her and as soon as she got to the main road he stopped and turned back.
Im not sure whether or not she is paranoid or not but im not prepared to risk it. Please can anyone tell me what she can legally carry to help her against attackers. Pepper spray and mase are illigal here right? I know a knife is haha.
Anyways any advice is always appreciated.
Thanks
0
Comments
mrs is strong and is likly to kick fook out of someone trying to attack her or take an alarm off her but id rather her not have to be in that position. I'd go and just get some pepper spray of ebay but she'd probably end up getting sued by the attacker knowing the stupid state of the law.
2. Send her to some self defence classes. Most people just freeze up when attacked, being prepared makes all the difference.
3. There is a book by Lyndsey de Paul called Taking Control which has a lot of excellent advice in it, about all kinds of related things like how not to look like a potential victim, learning to trust your instincts etc. I'm sure this is all available in other books etc. too. I'm not so sure the actual self defence stuff in ther eis quite so useful, unless you practise it.
4. This might be a useful link.
And yeah youngbull maybe we should go and get some shooting practice as i know her dad has a few shotguns as he's a licenced farm hunter person thingy haha
Not legal in the UK but you can still get it. One spray direct in your face will have you on your knees in a second.
PM if you want
Not very wise then, is it?
Check these links too:
safety for women
Safety for men
Self-defence classes are all very well and good, but you have to remember that someone attacking you has more than likely got a lot more experience in violent situations than yourself. There is a danger in that they build misplaced confidence in your ability to handle an attacker and this can lead to nasty consequences.
:yes:
It's WAY better to be overly paranoid, and thus prepared and safe, even if you're imagining the risk.
your best bet is to humour her. the more aware she is of stuff like this, the less likely she will be to put herself in a risky situation.
I'm not sure I necessarily agree with that. If I were going to be attacked I'm sure I'd rather fight back with half an idea of what to do than either fight back without a clue or just freeze.
The point I was making about the book is that it's no good just looking at the pictures and reading what to do, it has to be put into actual physical practise.
I did some self defence classes where we'd practised certain moves so much I don't think we could reasonably have done them much more at that moment, so because we were standing talking the instructor, in a moment of madness, came up and took me by the throat saying, "Come on, let's practise!" Before I knew what I was even doing I'd nearly elbowed out his front teeth. I'm sure it would never have come as naturally to me as that without a bit of practise. Plus being grabbed by the throat isn't something most people are used to in their everyday lives.
If she doesn't like the idea of self defence classes let her take up martial arts.
you should get her a taser or pepper spray, both easy to get over the net and very effective if used right .. a nice knife would also do the trick too! but i couldn't really see a woman walking around with any of these things
attackers always pick out the easy targets, kinda like they prey on your fear .. theres a lot of little things that they notice, but if you look pretty confident they'll most likely go for someone else!
For a start their discovery by the police will get you a conviction for carrying an offensive weapon.
If you pull a knife on someone you'd better be damn sure you know how to use it effectively because if not it will be taken from you very quickly and used against you - game over.
:yes:
Best of carrying a water pistol filled with amonia. A quick squirt to the face wil incapacitate anybody. Of course you'd risk getting done for assault, but it's better than getting raped or mugged.
I would never feel confident enough to carry any kind of weapon, because as has just been said I know it'd be out of my hands in seconds. The solution is so obvious, to stop walking alone in the dark...but it seems so ridiculous to be calling taxis or for a lift when it's ten minutes' walk, max.
I did always wonder if self-defence classes would make a difference though. I could know all the moves in the world and still think I'd be rendered powerless (most likely by abject terror) if the situation came about.
when i walk about (night time, in a cafe, walking to catch a morning bus, etc), i am always looking around at my surroundings and other people. you miss so much of the world if you only stare at your feet.
this makes you more aware, and awareness shows to would be attackers. some eye contact as you walk through a group of lads on a corner shows them that you are not intimidated by anyone.
that said, im 6'4", and can run quite fast, and things may be different for a 5 foot teenage girl.
its not really about the moves you know, but more about how you react quickly in situations. you can 'learn' the moves by reading a book. when you practise basic punching in a taekwondo class for a 2 years, your natural reflexes will be so much better.
Anyone know what 'muscle memory' is?
once you do certain movements so many times, it sort of becomes second nature, like writing or riding a bike, or playing playstations.
Also, if im not carrying anything, i sometimes jog home. the other night i jogged home at 3am. i only did this cos i was cold, and it made a half hour walk take 10 minutes.
i suppose if you wanted to mug someone, youre less likely to mug the guy running down the street past you. getting a bike would be even better. who ever gets mugged when they are biking down a road?
And what you'd have learned at any decent self defence classes is that;
1. You should always trust your instincts, if you feel like something is suspicious or something is about to happen, DON'T tell yourself you're just being stupid.
2. If possible you should have stopped in some public place, shop, pub, petrol station and asked for help.
3. Failing that... people always think you should avoid eye contact but in fact it is essential. Like someone else just said, you learn nothing from staring at your feet. If you look someone in the eye you at least know if they're a threat to you.
Something very simillar happened to me once. I stopped in the street, turned right round and stared them in the eyes (there were two of them). They stopped too, stared back for a few seconds then one of them nodded their head to the other as if to signal that they should turn round and go back the way they'd come, and that's exactly what they did. Don't know what their intentions were but if they had just happened to be walking behind me I'm sure they wouldn't have done that.
Mail order??
That's really good advice, I know they're points worth remembering.
I knew he was following me, but also trying to convince myself I was being ridiculous (even though he was, literally, five feet behind me). I guess maybe he was just trying to scare me or something as vengance for turning my head and looking directly at him, if that was the aim it was definitely achieved.
Your experience sounds like it was very similar to mine. I felt stupid for having done it, though, for sure. He looked suspicious as I walked past him, so I felt like I shouldn't have made eye contact...but then you're very right that by making eye contact at least I knew he was a threat.
Anyway, not a nice situation for anyone to be in. I won't be putting myself at that kind of risk again.
Never, EVER do this. Many people who've been attacked say that they had a feeling something bad was about to happen beforehand, but they ignored it. ALWAYS trust your instincts, it's better to be ridiculous than attacked even if you're wrong.
The playground principle. :yes:
People who pick on lone strangers are nothing more than bullies...and bullies will never pick on people who will happy stand and give them it right back.
Most muggers will be carrying a blade for shock value but don't seek confrontation. That said, you never know who you're dealing with, so it's always a risky game if you refuse to stand and deliver...
The risk of being stabbed/slashed is still considerable...
Rape alarms and trustworthy company are the best legal deterrant for women. Some birds seem to feel uncomfortable asking to be walked home late at night or whatever to prevent being a drag, but most decent people will be more than happy to oblige.
The best thing to do is to recognise the factors that go into creating a situation whereby one person attacks another:
1) Need - the attacker wants something from the victim - perhaps money, property or merely the satisfaction of hurting and humiliating them.
2) Opportunity - the attacker makes an assessment that by applying threats of and/or actual violence they can compel the victim to give them what they want with minimal risk of effective retaliation from their target or interference from others.
3) Chance - 'wrong place at the wrong time'
The one factor you have a realistic chance of influencing to your benefit is 2). Hand over your wallet if someone threatens you for it, just carry the minimum amount of cash you need. Take the taxi/public transport wherever possible. Avoid the shortcuts you could take if they take you away from places you can be easily observed by others. Don't have your valuables on display. If you have some training is self-defence then great but don't let that make you feel you can handle anyone and obscure the common senses measure that reduce the chances of you being targeted.
You can never totally protect yourself from scum though, unfortunately, as the link below shows
http://chill.vault9.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=22825
Attackers look for people who walk slowly or look nervous as they're more vulnerable - if you're walking confidently as if you have a destination and you're certain of your route and safety, an attacker is less likely to go for you. Even if you're lost, walk as if you're in your element. Hold your head up and walk at a comfortable but decisive pace.
People wearing dark colours are more vulnerable to attacks as they are less likely to be noticed when pulled into shadows. If two girls are walking down a road, one wearing a khaki jacket and the other wearing a white one, the one in the white one will be less likely to be chosen as a victim.
Attackers also look for 'handholds'. Girls with long hair in a ponytail or loose are more vulnerable as they can be easily grabbed and manipulated from behind with it. If you have long hair, tie it in a bun when walking home or wear a hood.
As Miffy said, MAKE EYE CONTACT. Even better, if you feel that the attacker is not too intimidating, speak to them. If someone's following you and they don't look immediately aggressive, turn around, make eye contact, and ask them for the time. Make a point of looking at their face and clothes - if an attacker feels that you have a good picture of their face and appearance they're less likely to go for you as they know they could be identified. Plus several of the people interviewed said that if they were spoken to by a potential victim it would put them off as they would have to view them as human; conversation creates some sort of relationship, however tiny, and they can no longer view attacking the person as an objective aim.
If you're in a bar or place that's public enough to warrant getting your phone out, stand near the person you're suspicious of and call your own number. Leave a message on your answerphone saying loudly something along the lines of: "Hi ............(insert a name, preferably a male name), it's me. I'm in .......... (name of where you are) Just letting you know that ..............(insert another male name) is on his way to pick me up and we'll come to yours. OK? Great, see you later" That way the attacker knows that you have people who know where you are and you have arranged a time to meet them. If your plans are disrupted, other people will know and therefore an attack is more risky.
I'll try and find something on the web about the study and post the link.
ETA: whoever said something about being in a group, that's a fair point but one I've lost faith in. I was with 12 other people when I was attacked at knifepoint, it didn't deter my attackers at all. Plus it was directly outside a fish and chip shop where there were big beefy builders, and nobody lifted a finger to help me. I was a 12 year old being beaten up by two 19 year old guys and people sat and watched. If you're gonna be safe you can't rely on other people.