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Friends with the ex?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well basically i just need a bit of advice, i'm a little at a loss of what i should do here. The story is, that my ex broke it off with me a couple days before christmas, there is no chance of us getting back together. we didn't speak for a few days then spoke the day after christmas, he said he would like to be friends with me.
the problem is, when we do hang out, it is so hard to separate the fact that we aren't together anymore, i mean we still hold hands and kiss and say i love u and miss u so it feels like we're going out! it's so confusing! i really want to be with him, he is the one that doesn't want to be with me, yet he still acts like he is, i just don't know if he is confused too or leading me on....
because he says he does'nt want to see me every day, or even talk to me or msg me as much, but then acts like this when we're together...
i don't know if i should cut him off for a while until we are clear on our feelings, or continue this "best friends but act like we're going out" charade?
is it possible to be friends straight away or do we need space first?
please help! i'm so confused!
the problem is, when we do hang out, it is so hard to separate the fact that we aren't together anymore, i mean we still hold hands and kiss and say i love u and miss u so it feels like we're going out! it's so confusing! i really want to be with him, he is the one that doesn't want to be with me, yet he still acts like he is, i just don't know if he is confused too or leading me on....
because he says he does'nt want to see me every day, or even talk to me or msg me as much, but then acts like this when we're together...
i don't know if i should cut him off for a while until we are clear on our feelings, or continue this "best friends but act like we're going out" charade?
is it possible to be friends straight away or do we need space first?
please help! i'm so confused!
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Comments
give yourself both a bit of space, and i think its going to be hard anyway for something like a relationship to turn into a friendship straight away anyway, even if both parties were sure of whats going on
plus i think i just read in another thread how he split up with you, that reason is enough so that if i was you, id hit him very hard with something very dense
as i said above, give yourself both time, and hey if it doesnt work out as friends, or even if it does, you know for deffo either way, rather than being stuck in the middle and slowly drifting along like you are now, be decisive
best idea i've ever heard!
seriously though, i feel it's so hard to let go of him, i never wanted our relationship to end
:yes: you may also find it helpful to have a read of TheSite's article on being mates with an ex
lucifer did u sort of have the same problem i did? and if so did u eventually get over the feelings without cutting contact?
no the feelings are still there for both of us, which can be sad sometimes but at the same time i like how he's still part of my life. he was very special to me so it'd be a shame to lose that.
we'll be right till one of us gets someone new.
I tend not to stay friends with an ex. They're the prick for breaking up with YOU. And YOU are fabulous. They are dog food.
Saw my ex in Mcdonalds today, with his mates. Walked down the stairs with my sister and completely blanked him. He didn't like that... Serves him right, what kind of prick wishes you a happy one month anniversary and finishes the sentence with 'I've met someone else'.
*serious moment* My advice is to cut yourself off if you feel the friendship is too difficult too soon. Maybe eventually you'll be friends again but just maybe distance yourself for now?
if its not then you need to distance yourself from him and sort your head put without him there fucking it up by cracking on to you.
someone futher up said that he had finished with you badly? if thats the case then i think he's just stringing you along, no girlfriend, no responsibilitys, casual sex when he wants it and can sleep with whoever else he wants because your not "together"
i think you need to get rid because you deserve better
yeah i'm sure, unfortunately..... i have asked him many times...
he reckons he still loves and misses me but just can't be with me so that is his excuse for the couply behaviour
which doesn't make much sense to me since if you miss someone that much u would be with them!
Wow, he sounds like a prize :yeees:. Good on you for blanking him..
In answer to the initial poster, you need space and lots of it. This guy wants to have his cake and eat it; not be a "boyfriend" (with all that it entails) as such, but get the benefits of coupledom when he happens to see you.
Ideally I'd say don't see him at all; if it's unavoidable then make sure one of your friends is aware that you do not want to be kissing, cuddling, holding hands with this guy. Then they can give you some moral support, as we all know how easy it is to slip back into comfortable, routine activities.
Be resolute about this, otherwise he'll be playing ping-pong with your feelings for the forseeable future. Give it time, and if it's possible for you to be "just friends" then eventually you'll become just that.
basically it wasn't so nice how we broke up, he said he was gonna get me a commitment ring for christmas, when we decided to go get it he said "i'm going inside to get my atm card" i waited in the car, then he came back outside 2mins later n broke up with me....