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mum, weigh grrrrr
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I saw my dad today, I speak to him once every month or so, he and my mum have been separated for years.
Anyway were in the pub having dinner and he was whinging on about how bad my mum is to him (like usual!) anyway and he said yeh your mum rang me about 10 months ago to say she was really worried about how fat you are and to ask me what I think we can do about it!!
Now I have a few problems with this
I am not happy with how I look but im not like a walking whale or anything, I put quite a bit of weight on when I got with my fella about 2 years ago but I still wouldn’t consider myself huge, im a size 14 - 16 and 5 6". I know it’s over weight but I don’t think its anything to be worried about.
I know my mum is really really conscious of her weight and always has been, from quite a young age she used to tell me not to eat this and that because il end up fat and ever since I have put weight on she brings it up about once a week and it really really annoys me. Once in the heat of an argument she told me that she is ashamed of me when I asked why she started to tell me its because im fat and then thought better about it. this really really upset me at the time (she denied what she was going to say but she blushed when I said it so I know that its true) and has played on my mind ever since.
My mum puts a lot of emphasis on appearance, weight especially but just in general every day things conversations usually go something like
Mum "that outfit is horrible"
Me well I like it
Mum "what will people think?"
Me I don’t really care, I like it
Mum "well you should care, you should take care in your appearance its a sad state of affairs when you don’t care what you look like"
Im going off track now but im sure u get the point of what she’s like.
Im going home for Christmas in a week and at the moment I don’t even think I can be nice to her. She never ever speaks to my dad over anything, but my weight is that much of a problem for her that she has to ring him up so that they can "sort it out"
And aswell why did he tell me that? It would hurt anyone I would imagine, it’s not something that needs saying, and it didn’t pop up in conversation. and then followed it with, don’t go moaning to her about what iv been saying it will just look like im bitching! It was like he was just trying to get one over on her and didn’t even care that it would really bother me.
So to give this total rant a point
How do I get through Christmas without shouting at my mum?
Does it sound like my dad was just trying to be nasty?
How can I stop my mum harping on about my weight all the time as it really does upset me?
Sorry for the length of this post I just needed to rant
Anyway were in the pub having dinner and he was whinging on about how bad my mum is to him (like usual!) anyway and he said yeh your mum rang me about 10 months ago to say she was really worried about how fat you are and to ask me what I think we can do about it!!
Now I have a few problems with this
I am not happy with how I look but im not like a walking whale or anything, I put quite a bit of weight on when I got with my fella about 2 years ago but I still wouldn’t consider myself huge, im a size 14 - 16 and 5 6". I know it’s over weight but I don’t think its anything to be worried about.
I know my mum is really really conscious of her weight and always has been, from quite a young age she used to tell me not to eat this and that because il end up fat and ever since I have put weight on she brings it up about once a week and it really really annoys me. Once in the heat of an argument she told me that she is ashamed of me when I asked why she started to tell me its because im fat and then thought better about it. this really really upset me at the time (she denied what she was going to say but she blushed when I said it so I know that its true) and has played on my mind ever since.
My mum puts a lot of emphasis on appearance, weight especially but just in general every day things conversations usually go something like
Mum "that outfit is horrible"
Me well I like it
Mum "what will people think?"
Me I don’t really care, I like it
Mum "well you should care, you should take care in your appearance its a sad state of affairs when you don’t care what you look like"
Im going off track now but im sure u get the point of what she’s like.
Im going home for Christmas in a week and at the moment I don’t even think I can be nice to her. She never ever speaks to my dad over anything, but my weight is that much of a problem for her that she has to ring him up so that they can "sort it out"
And aswell why did he tell me that? It would hurt anyone I would imagine, it’s not something that needs saying, and it didn’t pop up in conversation. and then followed it with, don’t go moaning to her about what iv been saying it will just look like im bitching! It was like he was just trying to get one over on her and didn’t even care that it would really bother me.
So to give this total rant a point
How do I get through Christmas without shouting at my mum?
Does it sound like my dad was just trying to be nasty?
How can I stop my mum harping on about my weight all the time as it really does upset me?
Sorry for the length of this post I just needed to rant
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Comments
they did, *edited* well they didnt, i dont think you can cause an eating disorder but my mum didnt help the matter, my dad couldnt because my weight duznt bother him, this is just a way of getting one over my mum but iv mostly sorted myself out, thats why it hurts so much. they never knew, i was never under weight so they didnt notice.
iv tried talking to my mum but she is just to defensive and gets like "i cant even have a civil conversation without you going off on one" in her head she is right and i should be thin so that justifies her going on and on. it always turns into an argument and i know i should try not to argue with her and talk like adults and all that but it just upsets me so much and i just cant help it.
i think i mite try that, i think if i said that to her she wouldnt talk to me for quite a while but it will atleast get the point across
Sorry, I'm anti trying hard to make friends with your folks. Disregard the above as the bitter ravings of an emotionally alienated child.
Too true. Some people think being someone's parent entitles them to behave badly towards them. :grump:
Anyway, I used to have a similar problem with my Dad's girlfriend who always used to put me down about my weight/appearance/intelligence/anything and it used to really get to me... But how can somebody be happy themselves if they see so much negative in other people?
If I were in your shoes I'd be firm with her. Tell her you're happy the way you are and you don't need her advice (even if you're not happy, say it) and you appreciate her help but you don't want to hear about it again as you're sic of it and can take care of yourself.
That's what I'd do anyway.
This is the crux of the matter really, it's HER problem, not yours. Tell her so. Tell her you're not prepared to discuss it with her anymore. If she brings it up again just adopt the broken record technique and just keep repeating the above.
Sounds to me like your dad was more thoughtless than nasty TBH. My ex is a total wanker sometimes, and I could easily start venting and tell the kids exactly what he's like, but I know I can't. Can't promise I'll be able to restrain myself 100% forevermore though, like when they're older.
i think thats what im going to do, i will leave it until i go home and then the first time she brings it up im just going to tell her that i am happy as i am and that its not something i want to discuss.
iv just been really restrained. she rang me while i was out shopping and was like oh your going to buy a skirt? does that mean that you have lost weight and are going to arrive home a shadow of your former self? i was like no i am the same as usual, why would you think i have lost weigt? her answer to that waswell i thort you would want to look nice if you wore a skirt but i suppose you could wear it over a pair of jeans!!!!!!!!!!! :banghead: bitch!
I hate to speak badly of people's mothers, but that's way out of order. She sounds like a piece of work.
Like everyone else has said, you need to lay your feelings on the line. It's possible she thinks you're thicker skinned than you are, and therefore can take out her own issues on you and remain unaffected. I don't really understand why she'd say that kind of thing otherwise, to be honest. You need to have an honest, frank talk with her. If things don't change after that then I'd suggest limiting the contact you have with her (if you aren't already). It's harsh to say when it's a parent we're talking about, but you can't afford to have such negativity in your life...it's even worse that it's coming from your mother - a supposed safehaven from other people's criticisms and judgements.
Keep your chin up though, love, and try to enjoy Christmas nontheless
I'm with everyone else, you need to try and talk to her to see if that would do any good.
You have a partner? Hopefully he is making you feel good about yourself. Have you talked to him about it?
yeh i have a partner, i tried speaking to him about it yesterday and he went into a long speach about how horribly my family treat me. i know its true to a point but i cant help feeling like shouting him down when he's being horrible about my mum or my sister even though i know its true. i didnt snap at him, i wanted to though. i know it sounds stupid because he is sticking up for me and never stops telling me how gorgeous he thinks i am but there my family and i find it hard to hear people other than me talking critically about them.
i know it sounds stupid but..........
my parents have never commented on how i look, i've had the odd few about how i dress from other members of the family, but i dont really care
just say to her, why have you got a partner and are happy with yourself if you are so 'fat and unnatractive'?
Failing that tell her to FUCK RIGHT OFF.
OK, I'm not really advocating that, but honestly, she's unbelievable. To be truthful I'm sure I'd end up having nothing to do with her asp if she were my mother.
Nivea Visage Anti Wrinkle Q10 Repair perhaps? Clarins Age Control Hand Lotion?
You get the idea.