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What Can I Do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 11 months. I love him. For real. I have never been happier in my life... Until he got his new job.
We used to see each other everyday, and now that he lives a couple of hours away I hardly ever even hear from him. I haven't had a text for a week, and even then it was only to say that he couldn't make it to see me after all. I haven't seen him in 2 months, and during that time we've supposed to have met up a good few times. I can't remember the last time he called me... or the last time he told me he loved me or missed me. What is going on? What can I do?
I'm very depressed right now and finding life incredibly difficult to deal with. My friends and family think I should get rid of him. But I love him, and I'm scared of what I'd do to myself without him.
We used to see each other everyday, and now that he lives a couple of hours away I hardly ever even hear from him. I haven't had a text for a week, and even then it was only to say that he couldn't make it to see me after all. I haven't seen him in 2 months, and during that time we've supposed to have met up a good few times. I can't remember the last time he called me... or the last time he told me he loved me or missed me. What is going on? What can I do?
I'm very depressed right now and finding life incredibly difficult to deal with. My friends and family think I should get rid of him. But I love him, and I'm scared of what I'd do to myself without him.
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And so... I can't call him because his phone is broken. I can't go see him because I can't afford the train ticket. He's too busy to come see me.
This is what I don't understand... He's working full time and has never come to see me. I'm a student already in debt and I sacrificed what I had to go see him for a few hours. He said at the weekend he couldn't see me because he was brokeish, or that he doesn't get round to topping up his phone... but he tells me about the £900 bike he bought, or his expensive new guitar equipment.
do you really, honestly, see your relationship lasting???
It sounds as though he's relocated away from you, which is doubtlessly very stressful, and if it's a completely new area for him then he's probably trying to find his feet and settle in. As much as you might want him to be pining away for the old situation, he's most likely being very sensible.
That said, it sounds like he's being very unattentive. He should still be keeping in contact, and if he knows that you're in this state, he should be comforting you. You need to lay it on the line; tell him you need to talk, some how. Can't you call him at work, during his lunch hour? Or recommend that he gets the sound on his phone fixed, as that excuse is highly suspect.
In the meantime, try not to stress too much. I know it's easier said than done, I've been in a situation in the past where a bloke kept me hanging on for weeks without contacting me or letting me know what the hell was going on. But try and take a step back; tell him clearly that you aren't happy with the way things are at the moment and you feel you need some clarity on the matter. Once you've told him this, don't keep saying the same thing. The ball's in his court after that.
I hope it works out for you; don't lose heart just yet
He's been in this job for 4 months now... At first we emailed and chatted all the time... the last two months, however, have been hell.
I've asked him so many times for a home number or a work number. But he's never given me one.
I also sent him some texts at the weekend because I hoped he would answer... I've been feeling very depressed recently (mostly due to this) and was hoping that he'd be there... But no response...
I know that must be really hard to hear, and I'm sorry to say it. But I don't think you should be wasting anymore time on him, he sounds like a complete cock.
xxx
I know someone in a very similar situation- she's at uni, he's at home and only visits her when he can be arsed (ie when he wants a shag)- and its making her very very unhappy. Boyfriends don't ignore and evade their girlfriends- if a boyfriend is doing that, then the relationship is over.
I think you are blinded not by love but by dependency. You feel you need someone to validate you, and you will put up with any amount of shit just to avoid being alone. You are largely alone anyway, with a boyfriend who doesn't want to know. It feels like a huge step to actually not having a boyfriend, I know, but it's not that huge a step really.
I think you'd be better off realising that this boy isn't the boy for you, and moving on with your life. He sounds like he is making you terribly unhappy, and no partner should ever ever do that.
If he's behaving like this then you don't have him anyway. Your family and friends are right- you are worth far more than a boyfriend who doesn't want to know.
Anyway, I've texted him (because he doesn't often check his emails) and so far no reply. He's got til Monday, when we're supposed to be meeting up anyway.
Fingers crossed, huh?
I just spoke to him... And we talked about it... And he says he's been busy and away but that he knows that this is no excuse... and he apologised...
He can't make it on Monday, because of works demands (very understandable) but on 19th December... I will get to see him... because he'll be hoome for Xmas for 2 weeks!
It's sorted... we spoke it through... he still loves me... and is very sorry.
Thank you everyone.
xox