If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Bereavement
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
:crying: :crying: Coping With Bereavement :crying: :crying:
I was just wondering how long it takes to stop bereaving, and for the pain to Clear up???
You see a year ago last Friday i lost my Daughter, and it is getting me very depressed at the moment, and i never have felt like i really i got over her death!!!
I cant carry on feeling like this i have spoken to my dr and she said i just need to come to terms with it, and that i am surrering with some form of post natal depression but i cant get over the depression without coming to terms with the event.
But i cant come to terms with the event because shes all i think about, and i feel almost suicidal.
CAn someone please help me i dont know what im doing anymore
Thank you For reading this
Kitten
XXXXX
I was just wondering how long it takes to stop bereaving, and for the pain to Clear up???
You see a year ago last Friday i lost my Daughter, and it is getting me very depressed at the moment, and i never have felt like i really i got over her death!!!
I cant carry on feeling like this i have spoken to my dr and she said i just need to come to terms with it, and that i am surrering with some form of post natal depression but i cant get over the depression without coming to terms with the event.
But i cant come to terms with the event because shes all i think about, and i feel almost suicidal.
CAn someone please help me i dont know what im doing anymore
Thank you For reading this
Kitten
XXXXX
0
Comments
What happened to your daughter?
I think you should seek bereavement counselling or find a close friend and run through exactly what it is you find upsetting and then find a way to move forward. Easier said than done, but it would help to speak to someone in person.
I don't think you ever exactly stop grieving, but you learn to accept it and move on. You mustn't try just to forget those feelings - how could you? Instead you just need to learn to cope with the pain and allow yourself to grieve without letting it consume you. It is perfectly natural for you still to have feelings of grief one, two, even ten or fifty years later. The important thing is that you can carry on with your life yet still give yourself time to mourn when you need to, even if that's years and years after the death.
I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you but you have been very brave getting through it this far and you just need to keep giving yourself the strength to battle on. It will get better, but that doesn't mean you ever need to forget about it or bury those feelings.
Many sympathies.
In August however, I lost my mum to cancer and it was something completely different. It was devasting though I think I still havn't been able to fully comprehend it yet. I just get on with things.
It may not be a good idea to ignore or shy away from it, but it's certainly a good idea to keep yourself busy and carry on with your life.
At the end of the day everyone handle it differently. There's not a great deal of advice you can give in situations like this. It is up to you how you deal with it I'm afraid.
as you say in your other posts that you have self harmed and suffered abuse since you were 11 i would think that there's other stuff you need to deal with besides this before your life can move forward - that maybe it's not just the miscarriages that are stopping you from being happy. i could be wrong though.
And ballerina, don't judge people so quickly.
:yes: like he said, I think keeping yourself busy helps, it's not something you can just ignore or forget, but you can focus on what you're doing and try not to dwell... you will be able to get on with things fine in time. Though i dont know how it feels to lose a child so maybe its entirely different from what ive experienced.
I don't think that's really the time and place to bring that up in this thread really, she's asking for help not to be judged.
As lisa simpsons saxophone said, you might find it easier to talk to someone over the phone rather than in person, where no ones going to judge you. The number for the samartains is 08457 90 90 90. Are you still at school/college? Because you may find that they offer a councilling service there if you can't face talking it over with your doctor.
i think she said she was raped once which caused her to get pregnant in another thread i think - so can you blame me for being concerned?
my mum had an abortion which was more or less a forced miscarriage ages ago before i was around (its brain was developing right or something so she had to go into labour really really early so it was kind of like a forced miscarriage if that makes sense?)
then she miscarried again after being in a car crash
But i will say what everyone else has....bottling it all up is not the way to go because eventually you will burst and break down. Try some help lines that will give you advice...i know smaritans just ask you questions about how you feel and don't give advice. Or try something creative?
In terms of bereavement...people do deal with it in different ways. I tend to be immune to the mourning process till a long time after when I'm suddenly hit by it. Though talking to someone who knows you will feel more 'comfortable', speaking to a counsellor would be more beneficial in terms of receiving help and advice to help you through.
Here is thesite's page on Dealing With Death
Malt x
My girlfriend lost a baby at 4 months when her ex-husband kicked her in the stomach. She had to carry the dead baby (a girl) inside her for 5 months and give birth to her at the end of the term. He went off to watch football on TV while she went through that...
You will obviously never, ever forget a lost child. Everyone understands that. All I can tell you, based on what I've seen, is that over the years the hurt will start to fade a little more. This will become slightly easier if things work out for you in the future and you have healthy kids to love and hold and take up your time.
Don't give in to depression. Life has a lot to offer.
i dont want to argue with you because i know this isnt the point of the thread but this would never happen and saying something like that could scare people. ive suffered a missed miscarriage (where the baby dies but your body doesnt abort the pregnancy naturally) and i was taken into hospital within a fortnight. i very much doubt thats true.
Well I'm sorry you don't believe me, but it's true. For medical reasons, she had to go full term with the baby and deliver it naturally.
They couldn't bring themselves to tell her the baby was definitely dead, which she suspected. Only later would they confirm it, by which time it was too late.
I don't feel we should get side-tracked like this on what is an important thread.
Anyway, let's stick to the topic.
Thank you for the help, iv tried samaritans, and my school dosnt hav a councillor, iv seen the in the past but i cant talk to people i dont know
For now i am going to try and push through alone, but i dont know where that will get me,
For other reasons and that does anyone know where i can get a councillor for free and if it can be in skool time i cant risk my mum finding out????
If the baby was dead then surely it wouldn't keep growing to full term? I don't quite understand but I'm not saying I don't believe you, I just don't quite understand what you mean. But yes you're right we shouldn't get side tracked!
As I suggested earlier, Samaritans may have a drop-in centre near you where you can have a face-to-face chat with one of their volunteers? It's not a trained counsellor as far as I know but it might be a start.