transgendered

Former Member · December 2005

Ok..For a transgendered female (for those who dont know what that is, look it up) when meeting guys or dating guys, do you think it is the guys right to know up front if they are transgendered or not? I mean eventually they will tell them, but i mean do they really have to know up front? Do you think that its there right to know before they get involved? OR do you think they should get to know her first THEN tell him once things go a little furthur??

Im just curious to get your opinions on this topic, let me know what you think......

Former Member · December 2005

Transgendered is a part of who you are. You should know the person you're going out with.

Former Member · December 2005

So your saying a transgendered individual should be like " Hi, my name is ____, im transgendered, whats up? wanna go for coffee?or movie?" lol come on!

Former Member · December 2005

Also depends on how easy it is to tell if they are transgender - some people it's pretty obvious, so less need to inform them - some it's not.

Former Member · December 2005

alexandra_jolie wrote:

So your saying a transgendered individual should be like " Hi, my name is ____, im transgendered, whats up? wanna go for coffee?or movie?" lol come on!

Hi, well obviously it wont be as easy for you as it would be for someone whos always been the same sex they were born as. I wouldnt necessarily say youd have to tell them at first meeting, but youd need to be pretty sassy and work out which men are gonna freak about it and which are likely to be ok before telling them, and tbh, im not sure how easy it would be to tell, but id certainly recommend mentioning it whilst still at the friends stage rather than telling them after youd already been out on dates etc.
Have you thought about contacting a local support group and you could meet likeminded people, or it might even be worth meeting people off the internet as then at least youve got a chance to tell people before you meet them (ie not face to face ) (as a kind of screening process) because then at least youre not putting yourself in such a risky position.

Former Member · December 2005

alexandra_jolie wrote:

So your saying a transgendered individual should be like " Hi, my name is ____, im transgendered, whats up? wanna go for coffee?or movie?" lol come on!

I dont think quarfly meant it quite like you said. But you gotta be honest, and tell them from an early stage. You cant be with someone for about 6 months then turn round and say "Honey I have something to tell you".

Id say if you met someone in say a pub then just chat and stuff (nothing else) then phone the person the following day and let them know the story. That way the other person can decide for themselves wether they can accept it or not and nobody gets hurt because you would have only just met.

Certainly dont get attactched and tell them, thats a big no no in my opinion.

Former Member · December 2005

yah i see what your saying, you get your certain individuals who get guys drunk, fool around wit them, and then tell everybody next day what happened and who you are, thats was f**k*d. Ive seen it happen, one of my friends did it, i was so mad at her.

But ya, dating sucks in that part, i had many guys be like, wow your so beautiful, if only u were born a girl. which breaks my heart to hear.

anyone see the movie transamerica yet?

Former Member · December 2005

You could always try dating sites where there are men specifically looking or open to Transgender women.

There was a TV Show in the UK called There's Something about Miriam and all these men competed for the affections of a south American model - I think their reactions shown inthe last episode would be pretty typical of most men.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/content_objectid=13574613_method=full_siteid=50143_headline=-SIX-SUE-SKY-OVER-SEX-CHANGE-SNOGGER-name_page.html

Former Member · December 2005

oh my god lmao thats halirous!!!

! I cant believe they are freaking out that badly over that, i mean come on, it was harmless fun. Besides, she gorgeous, what straight guy wouldnt be attracted to it regardless of how she was born.

I wish I had uk cable or satelite to watch it. We dont get any cool programs like that on canadian t.v.

Former Member · December 2005

I think this is a tricky one really as different people have different opinions on trans men and women (personally, I'd go out with a trans man or woman, so there are people out there who it doesn't offend), but I'd say try dating sites.

I have no idea how open-minded people in your area are from.

Former Member · December 2005

it wouldnt bother me either, apart from the having children issue, but I know a hell of a lot more people who it really would bother unfortunatly, and however wrong that is, its still a fact that a lot of people would be weird about it. Theres no right or wrong really, you just need to find someone openminded, and tbh, most people ARENT that open minded in my experience, sorry

Former Member · December 2005

Do tell them early but I wouldn't say "oh by the why I'm really a man". Best to drop it into a general conversation over a drink or a meal, see how they feel about dating someone like your self. If you asked them a question about transgenderism and they they were like "ughhh that's gross" then I guess you should stop seeing that person. If they are unsure then talk to them more about it and see what happens.

Former Member · December 2005

I think you should do what Felix has said. Maybe bring up the issue of transgender people, and see what their reaction is. Then dependent on the reaction, consider whether or not you should tell them right there and then about it, or forget them and move on as they obviously won't accept you.

I don't think you should just tell somebody straight up, at least give them some kinda chance to get to know you for you, and your personality. They are less likely to judge once they have gotten to know you a bit.

Former Member · December 2005

alexandra_jolie wrote:

Ok..For a transgendered female (for those who dont know what that is, look it up) when meeting guys or dating guys, do you think it is the guys right to know up front if they are transgendered or not? I mean eventually they will tell them, but i mean do they really have to know up front? Do you think that its there right to know before they get involved? OR do you think they should get to know her first THEN tell him once things go a little furthur??

Im just curious to get your opinions on this topic, let me know what you think......

Erm, I had a weird situation once. Went out with a transgendered friend (male > fem pre-op) and had a nice time. It was going good up until they kissed me (didn't want this). Yes, they should be up front about it - but the thing is situations like that require honesty.. I didn't want to hurt the person so I went for a friendly day out, had food, went shopping, went to the cinema... Guess I just wasn't prepared to be walking along holding hands with someone who had a grip like a vice, stroking my thigh and ended up kissing me

Grah, it's a tough one. Yes they should be up front - but if you're gonna get involved with one then you shouldn't really beat about the bush. If you're not 100% sure - just tell them so. They should understand. If they don't, they need their head examined. No offence but anyone who says there's nothing wrong.. well, you're right - there's nothing wrong. But for a bloke to be expected to go "OH ITS ALRIGHT, SHE ALSO HAPPENS TO HAVE A PENIS!!" is just plain ridiculous. Instincts n such.

Adam's apples are a turn off btw.

Former Member · December 2005

snafu- wrote:

Erm, I had a weird situation once. Went out with a transgendered friend (male > fem pre-op) and had a nice time. It was going good up until they kissed me (didn't want this). Yes, they should be up front about it - but the thing is situations like that require honesty.. I didn't want to hurt the person so I went for a friendly day out, had food, went shopping, went to the cinema... Guess I just wasn't prepared to be walking along holding hands with someone who had a grip like a vice, stroking my thigh and ended up kissing me

Grah, it's a tough one. Yes they should be up front - but if you're gonna get involved with one then you shouldn't really beat about the bush. If you're not 100% sure - just tell them so. They should understand. If they don't, they need their head examined. No offence but anyone who says there's nothing wrong.. well, you're right - there's nothing wrong. But for a bloke to be expected to go "OH ITS ALRIGHT, SHE ALSO HAPPENS TO HAVE A PENIS!!" is just plain ridiculous. Instincts n such.

Adam's apples are a turn off btw.

Will its nice to know that you were easy on her and let her no how you felt. I couldnt help but noticed you used the term "they" rather than she though? Why is that?

Ive had a few experiences like that when like the guy is super nice but it just isnt there thing, OR they will act ok about it, but once you like "do stuff" with them, they will jet, sorta leaving you as an experiment. I had one guy say straight up that it was fantasy of his to do stuff with someone like me, but would afterwards rather be with a real woman.

I had to laugh when u said adams apples are a turn off, I so agree, but they also are un-attractive in guys I find, not to mention that protruding kind (we wont go there tho).

Do you still keep in contact with her? Are you two friends?

Former Member · December 2005

rainbow brite wrote:

it wouldnt bother me either, apart from the having children issue, (

I think that's what would bother a lot of guys as well.

If two Lesbians for instance wanted to have a child they only need a man for the inital deposit, if it's the other way around you'd need to find a woman for the whole 9 months

Of course adoption is getting easier these days

Former Member · December 2005

DiamondGeezer wrote:

I think that's what would bother a lot of guys as well.

If two Lesbians for instance wanted to have a child they only need a man for the inital deposit, if it's the other way around you'd need to find a woman for the whole 9 months

Of course adoption is getting easier these days

yah'd, id be proud to go the angelina jolie route

Former Member · December 2005

I'd want to know.

I believe someone in that situation would be obligated to let the person they are interested in know.

That's like saying a gay man should tell a woman who might fancy him that he is homosexual, otherwise it's just leading her on.

Former Member · December 2005

The difference is that she wouldn't be leading anyone on. A woman fancying a homosexual man has no chance, but if you're a man who's into a trans woman you do have a chance.

I think Becky (was it Becky?) is right that you can't wait to get attached, you would probably have to come out early on.

Is there an LGBT group near you that you can start hanging with? You usually meet lots of groovy people there, all the queers and their relaxed friends.

Former Member · December 2005

nah, those kinda groups are not my thing, like 95% of the ppl i know dont know about my situation,ive transitioned when i was 13, so only a selected few know about me, and will you guys :flirt: But, im not really into the whole being around "gay"bi" groups, thats not my thing, im not into gay guys. I actually live a rather normal female life, nothing really out of the ordinary, besides the whole *dating factor* situation i would have to indulge in...

Former Member · December 2005

well youre really cutting yourself off then and making things difficult for yourself. I think you need to be more openminded about those groups because at the end of the day, they are likely to be the ones who will understand you best and you will have an easier time meeting someone understanding and openminded. Most of the general public ARENT that open minded. Im not saying join groups to find a gay guy, because of course a gay guy wouldnt fancy you - youre a woman, but you are a transgender woman, and that is YOU, you cant pretend youre not - its going to be an important issue for people whether you like it or not.
Joining a group doesnt have to be a huge part of your life, but it might be useful for meeting people who dont have an issue with your past.

Former Member · December 2005

Hi, I dont know if you have read Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein, but it really is a very good book on the politics of gender and sexuality. It iis a book I think everybody should read regardless because gender issues sadly tend to get "assumed" and ignored in the "you're either one or the other" idea. Aside from the ideas Bornstein also shares personal anecdotes from every step of her journey which you may find interesting or helpful.

Amazon link

Former Member · December 2005

:yeees: meh

Former Member · December 2005

leese wrote:

Hi, I dont know if you have read Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein, but it really is a very good book on the politics of gender and sexuality. It iis a book I think everybody should read regardless because gender issues sadly tend to get "assumed" and ignored in the "you're either one or the other" idea. Aside from the ideas Bornstein also shares personal anecdotes from every step of her journey which you may find interesting or helpful.

Amazon link

I've read it, it's a brilliant book.

Former Member · December 2005

i think everyone is born bisexual, in someway or another.... think about it...........

transgendered

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