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Should I go to the funeral...?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Basically my mum text me last night and told me my Uncle had died (my great uncle). He was a bit of a dodgy guy, had some dangerous friends and stuff and also talked a lot of crap to my family. He was what you consider the "black sheep". He really upset my dad a few times by slating his father.

Thing is my family are refusing to go, and they are almost the only family.

Because I'm a lot younger than them I only remember him as the nice man that used to call me "Wee Jimmy" and give me humbugs and buy me those cool Kinder Egg things (You know the animals with the see through tummys filled with the mini eggs with poseable arms!).

I really want to go to the funeral (if I can find out anything about it or even get there, I think it will be in Peterborough) but i'm scared I'll annoy my family.
They were all let down really badly by him in the past.

All I can think of was that this elderly man (in his 90's) died, alone in hospital and I hadn't even taken any notice of his existence for the last 15 or so years.

Should I go? Risking my family being annoyed at me (And then having to break to them i'm actually seeing the guy that they don't like who dumped me a few months ago and we're moving in together!!!!) or do I actually just be a flipping adult and go and say goodbye to someone who I only have fond memories of (even though when I was 3 I had bike stolen and even though he wasn't even around I accused him of stealing it....and my rocking horse lol)?

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    SkiveSkive Posts: 15,286 Skive's The Limit
    I reckon you should go.
    Weekender Offender 
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should go.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you should go, just because he was the 'black sheep' doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to be mourned or missed.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's sad that family feuds go on even after the person has died. Actually no, it's pathetic IMHO

    Not only do I think that you should go, so should your Dad. It was his brother after all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your family will just have to respect your decision, otherwise they're the immature ones imo.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You should go, you should remember him from your memories not from anyone elses.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Man Of Kent wrote:
    Not only do I think that you should go, so should your Dad. It was his brother after all.
    Sounds like it was her father's uncle.

    I'd probably go but it's your decision, bearing in mind you have to live with the rest of your family and their reaction.

    Maybe you could have a sensible discussion about it with your dad?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you should go. explain to your family what you'ce said here, it sounds very mature of you and they should respect your decision!
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Go. In many instances, dead people are referred to as "the forgiven". No matter what he'd done, he deserves at least one person there. Especially if he wasn't 100% bad, as you remember.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well at least another person than themselves and the vicar
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    I think you should go. I also think that if you don't go then you will regret it looking back. Don't allow their petty feuding get in the way of what you felt. If they are pissed off, then they are pissed off for the wrong reasons. Go and say goodbye to your uncle.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks guys. It's a real shame apart from me there there will only be about three other people.
    My dad *would* have gone but he lives in Bangkok so it's expensive and not really possible.
    So...I'm off to Peterborough on Friday. I've now got to think of something to wear. I don't really want to wear black..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I say go.... I know that you will think about it for the rest of your life, and if you are young, there is no reason to put that kind of streee on yourself, ya know? Your immediate family will forgive you, probably before they even get upset....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It was my friends funeral last week, and as he was so young it was a 'no black' funeral. So i just wore some nice smart trousers and bought a purple shirt, it's really easy to look smart with-out looking sombre, so if you don't want to wear black i would suggest something like that. Good luck with it all especially if you are going alone :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't go now. I think there was some sort of divine intervention and I lost my debit card and don't want to risk getting stuck up there with no cash. I have kind of come to terms with it now really and I will go and visit soon and say my goodbyes.

    Thanks everybody for your advice.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can always go visit his grave to say goodbye personally - might make less of a scene?

    I really feel for you. My granddad has disowned my mum for being gay. He's told her he doesn't want her at his funeral and I just don't know what I'd do in your situation now. If my mum's not his daughter anymore then how can I be his granddaughter?
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